The 5 Stages of Having a Carsick Child

Few things in life are more anxiety-inducing than being trapped behind the wheel of a moving vehicle with a child who's about to lose her lunch.

Who knows why some parents suffer while others go unpunished, but if you're one of the unlucky ones with motion sick kids you know perfectly the dread that hits when a little voice in the backseat says, "Mom, I don't feel so good..."

Your stomach drops into your shoes. Your pupils dilate. And you begin to work your way through the 5 stages of having a carsick child.

1. Denial

It's fine. Hardly worth acknowledging, really. After all, you're a mom, and your little people are always complaining about some minor ailment every 5 and a half seconds. Wasn't this particular child just moaning about a bump on her lip, and a few minutes before that it was a week-old cut on her finger? Whatever. It's nothing.

2. Anger

She's said it two more times now, and your knuckles are turning white from anxiously clutching the steering wheel. Why does this always happen when it's you driving and not your husband? Why were you so stupid to let her read a book in the car? Why didn't you bring some wipes or plastic bags or something to clean up? And more importantly, WHY ARE THERE NO EXITS ON THIS FREEWAY?! You curse yourself, your husband, your dog, the state highway department, and every single character in that miserable book in your child's lap.

3. Bargaining

Don't panic. Maybe you can still fix this before it's too late. Your voice climbs one, two octaves as you beg your child to focus on anything other than how queasy she feels. What if you roll down the windows and get some fresh air? Want to play the alphabet game? The license plate game? Is it too late for Dramamine? You start yelling at the other kids in the car. Quiet down and fan your sister's face! You'll buy a pony for whoever can stop her from puking all over the upholstery.

4. Depression

The fresh air isn't working. In fact, it's made her feel worse. Your shoulders have begun to droop as hope has slowly and steadily leaked from your soul. Despondently, you look in the rearview mirror to see your child slumped in the backseat with her head lolling back. She is literally turning green. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

5. Acceptance

You realize now you've been simply postponing the inevitable. A strange resolve creeps back into your posture. It's going to be okay. You've cleaned this up before and you can do it again. You are strong. You are a warrior. And best of all, you see an exit up ahead. "Sweetie," you say, your voice brightening, "We're getting off the freeway. Can you hang on until we pull ov-"

Never mind, she's already completing the second leg of her round-trip meal ticket. Pandemonium ensues as the other kids try to heave themselves through the windows of the still-moving vehicle to get away.

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6 Perfect Gifts for Practical People

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you click on a link, I may receive a commission. See my full disclosure policy here.

Do you have someone on your gift list who is so practical it's almost impossible to buy anything for them?

I feel your pain, because I'm that person. I know how hard it is for my friends and family. I don't ask for much and I hate it when anybody "wastes" money, even if it's on a nice gesture like buying me flowers (hello, they just die!)

But there are certain gifts that are just so darn useful that I have absolutely loved them. If you know someone who's as practical to a fault as I am, you should definitely give them one of these 6 perfectly practical gifts. And then maybe get them some professional help.

I own and love each of these products personally, and I've linked to each one with my affiliate link. When you buy through these links, I get a small commission but it doesn't affect the cost for you.

Silicone Baking Cups

I asked for silicone muffin cups for my birthday for years, and no one thought I was serious. I was. Finally someone took the hint and these things are my all-time favorite gift, ever.

Practical people hate waste, and buying silly paper liners to throw away always killed me. Now the muffins pop right out of the silicone cups once they've cooled (my kids love doing that part.) As a perfectionist it always bothered me when my recipe didn't make a perfect dozen and left empty cups in the muffin pan, but now I can put the exact number of cups I need on a baking sheet.

There couldn't be anything more efficient or perfect, really. Silicone cups are also easier to wash and take up less space in the cupboard than the big metal pan.

Fels Naptha Laundry Bars

I can hear you rolling your eyes right now. Soap? I am not giving anybody soap for Christmas, you say. But this isn't just any soap. This soap is magical in its stain-fighting properties. Your friend will think you're a wizard.

You know how some people swear by coconut oil and use it in place of toothpaste, deodorant, and gasoline? That's me with Fels Naptha, almost. I grate it up and use it to make my own laundry detergent, but I also keep a bar by the washing machine to pre-treat stains.

It can take out almost any stain, even set-in ones. If my family has to listen to me regale them with the story of how I used Fels Naptha to remove a pitcher of red Crystal Light from our beige rug one more time, they're probably going to scream.

Oreck XL Vacuum Cleaner

My Oreck, how I love thee. Let me count the ways: one, you weigh 9 lbs and that's less than some newborns. That means my kids can even haul you upstairs and vacuum their own rooms. Theoretically, anyway.

Two, you are simple and therefore easy to fix. I don't need every type of feature, attachment, and indicator light known to man; I just want to be able to suck up dirt and the occasional Lego. My friends' huge, clunky deluxe machines need replacing every few years, but if you stop working I know that the bag is full or a belt is broken, and that's about all that can go wrong.

As a result, the Oreck vacuum we bought 12 years ago (I'll let that sink in a little) is still going strong.

Heated Mattress Pad

We've had electric blankets before, but the trouble is (aside from them dying on us quickly) that heat rises. If we wanted a warm bed we had to first make the bed (sorry, I don't do it in the morning) and turn the blanket on for 15 minutes to heat up the mattress. And who has that kind of foresight? Not me.

Getting a mattress pad warmer is skipping the middle man. Now instead of lying on a cold mattress with a warm blanket on top of us, we get a warm mattress AND a warm blanket. How could I not love this model of efficiency?

Also, you control the temperature separately for each side, which is great because I like to blast it up to inferno and then turn it to low once I get in bed and Phillip likes to keep it at medium all night.

USB Heated Fingerless Gloves

I can hardly think of a more practical gift than this, since my hands tend to get cold when I type and I'm almost always working at my computer doing practical things. (Watching funny videos on YouTube qualifies as research for a humor blogger, so technically speaking, it's practical.)

I've tried a lot of different solutions. Space heaters don't directly warm my hands, but these plug right into my computer and warm up a heated pad inside each glove itself. The fingerless-ness is awesome because it doesn't interfere with my typing, and I don't know what the material is (Amazon just says "soft plush") but it feels like the downy fuzz of the softest baby chinchilla in all the world.

Kitchen Aid Standing Mixer

We've had our Kitchen Aid for 10 years and I use it at least 3 or 4 times a week. Practical people are always making food because we can do it better, cheaper, and healthier at home.

This thing is as sturdy as a tank but so pretty you can just leave it out on your counter 24/7. It mixes flawlessly and enables my incorrigible multitasking in the kitchen since I can let it do its thing while I prep another part of the meal.

Kitchen Aid makes this thing in a bazillion colors, and even get me started on the number of attachments you can buy.

Every time I use one of these practical gifts, even after years and years, I can't help but think to myself, "I love this thing." And that, for a practical person, really does make the best holiday gift of all.

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7 Quick Takes about Seating Arrangements to Get Excited About, Being Mocked by Wild Turkeys, and What My Baby Has In Common With Crumbly Pastries

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

You know you're a tired old adult when you get excited about a chair. 

Over the weekend a friend organized a trip to see a movie at a theater I'd never been to, and I was probably way too excited at seeing the gigantic leather recliners we got to sit in once we got there.

I will definitely be going there again. Even if there's not a movie playing, I'd be willing to pay $12.50 to sit in one of those again for a few hours.

—2—

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful... for the long weekend that is such a good time to throw away all the crap in your house. Week Two of becoming a minimalist and it went really well.

While Phillip cooked an entire Thanksgiving feast downstairs from scratch, I sequestered myself in the kids' rooms upstairs and spent an entire morning gleefully throwing away broken Transformers, full coloring books, plastic birthday party favors, and Pokemon cards the kids haven't touched in a year.

Every now and then I'd skip downstairs with a trash bag headed to the garbage or Goodwill and tell Phillip, "I'm having such a good time!"

NOM NOM NOM NOM.

This photo might lead you to believe I wasn't in my pajamas until 5 minutes before dinner.

Dinner was wonderful, we had pumpkin pie for dessert, and the kids finished off the night by playing tag outside in the dark with some glow sticks left over from Halloween. They loved that part so much I think we just might make it a yearly thing.

—3—

On the way home from the grocery store:

This was the end of a line of 16 turkeys crossing the road.

I think they did it just to taunt me because I'd literally just gotten back from buying a Thanksgiving turkey.

Had I but known, I could've just gone easy on the brakes and had myself a few free turkeys! They'd have been fresher than the one in the trunk that had probably been sitting frozen in the Jennie-O warehouse since March, too.

—4—

I realize this is a little late, but keep in mind for next year, vegetarians:

Apple, candy corn, raisins, toothpicks, and a ton of marshmallows equals turkey.

Because tofurkys are weird.

—5—

In other food-related news, I'm now putting Crisco on my baby.

I've had other kids with eczema before, but as the weather turned colder a few weeks ago his previously smooth skin exploded into the worst flare-up I've ever seen. We've tried lots of things (up to and including processed vegetable shortening) but so far, he's still red and itchy.

Any suggestions? Slathering him in Crisco seems like it's at least keeping it from getting worse, but it also makes me feel like I'm getting him ready to pop in the oven.

—6—

My kids were pretty excited to watch Sound of Music for the first time. In fact, they were getting so excited I was worried it wasn't going to live up to their hype. Trying to tamp down their enthusiasm I said, "Now remember, this is an old movie and-"

"We know, they didn't have action back then," one of the kids finished for me.

Well, sort of.

Other notable moments from our viewing:

• 10-year-old asking, "Why isn't anybody on the bus looking at her? Did people just randomly burst into song a lot more back then?"
• The kids guessing why the Von Trapp family needed a governess: "The guy hates people and the kids are really bad. Well, bad for back then. Now they'd probably seem pretty good."
• When Maria went back to the abbey and asked Revered Mother for advice, which she gave by turning to the window and singing; the kids thought it would be hilarious if on Sunday, we went in to get some spiritual guidance from our bishop and he did the same thing.

Also, when the Von Trapp family finished singing at the concert, my daughter gave them a slow clap.

—7—

Looking ahead, December is coming! I hope that in all the busyness of the month we never get too busy to help another person out.

Here's a short video about this year's #LIGHTtheWORLD campaign, and mark your calendar so you can do something (big or small) for someone on December 1st:


You can find a few easy ideas in this free download (created by yours truly for a church activity last week). What are your favorite small and simple ways to help somebody else out?

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The Most Long-Lasting and Played-With Toys (From a Mom of 6)

Even a modest Christmas for our 6-kid family means a huge proliferation of STUFF. And I can't stand when half of it breaks or gets forgotten about a few days later.

We don't have room for 6 separate sets of half-broken toys that don't get played with very often. Any toy we have must be:

1. Durable enough to be passed down from one kid to the next
2. Interesting enough to be used for years
3. Versatile enough to be played with by multiple age groups

Gathered from my decade of mothering, here are some of the very best ones, test-driven by all 6 of my kids.

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you click on a link, I may receive a commission. See my full disclosure policy here.

KEVA Structures

We almost didn't buy this 200-plank set of construction blocks because hello, they're just rectangular planks. But because of their size and precision cut, the kids use them to make the coolest and most intricate things long after they've outgrown other sets of building blocks.

We regularly see everyone from the 12-year-old down to the 2-year-old building with these on the floor. We bought a second set (Keva Contraptions, comes with 200 planks and a few ping pong balls to make ball runs) so everyone could have enough.

They are, hands down, the one block set I'd keep if I was told I could only have one. I like them even better than Legos because I don't have to worry about the baby choking if he gets his hands on one.

38" Trampoline

This was technically a gift for our son when he was 6 as a way to burn off energy during the winter months in his room. The compact size is good for one person to jump at a time and doesn't take up too much floor space.

It's been in his room for 2 years now and I constantly hear kids upstairs jumping on it, even the older kids relieving stress during homework breaks. It's an adult exercise trampoline with  a 200-lb weight limit so theoretically even I could use it — although any woman who's birthed 6 children knows better than to ever get on a trampoline.

Magic Moves Wand

Generally I'm not a fan of toys with batteries, but this one isn't loud or annoying so I guess it can stay. And the kids love it. The voice tells them to "swim like a fish" or "jump like a kangaroo" and then plays music to match the action while they do it.

This wand is obviously most popular with the 2- to 4-year-old set. But honestly, all the kids get on the bandwagon being silly with it if they're in the right mood. I find it all over the house (even in the bathroom,) which means that it gets a lot of mileage.

Perplexus

I first saw this at the children's play area in the library and knew our 6-, 8-, and 10-year olds would love it.

Kids have to tilt the ball every which way to get a marble through a really complex obstacle course. The obstacles are numbered so they can keep track of where they are and compare with each other ("I'm on 42, where have you gotten to?")

They also liked Perplexus Epic, which their grandpa got them the following year. There's also a Rookie version for younger kids but we haven't tried that one yet.

Waffle Blocks

We got a huge garbage bag of these at a yard sale for $2 once and it was the best $2 we ever spent. I'd say these are used the most by our kids in the 4-10 age range, but kids younger than that find them easier to manipulate than Legos, and even the preteens build these with their preschool siblings. Like Legos, they come in all kinds of themes (like fire rescue, castle, farm, train, etc.)

The interlocking waffle pattern is an incredibly simple idea, but it can make an awful lot. If you don't believe me, scroll down for pictures of things my kids have built in this post or this post.

Busy Ball Popper

Again, batteries. Changing them is annoying. But I'm willing to do it because our 1- to 4-year-olds love this ball popper. Even the kids who are way too old will still jump in if they see their little sibling playing with it.

The Christmas morning we gave this to our toddler, we had to keep shooing the big kids out of the way so he could play with his own present. In fact, after watching my kids use it over the years I'm convinced it's way funner in a group than one kid alone because they're all laughing at each other and running after the balls.

These are just a few of the toys we own that have lasted a long time and appealed to multiple ages of kids in our house. Purchases that I've never, ever regretted making. And it's quite likely I will even be saving them for the grandkids someday.

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7 Quick Takes about Breakfast Pie, Not Taking Pictures of Your Swordfish, and Good Names for Internet Villians

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

Who's gearing up for Thanksgiving? We are, and at the Evans household that means testing out new kinds of pie so we can pick The Ones for the big day.

I personally don't care about getting the pies exactly right, but Phillip does. Actually, he just likes to eat (and therefore bake) pies and is using "testing for Thanksgiving" as an excuse.

And I have to admit that "doing research for Thanksgiving" sounds a lot more respectable than "eating pie for breakfast two days this week."

—2—

At the recommendation of several friends, I've started reading Simplicity Parenting and it turns out you can't read it without wanting to throw away every piece of junk you own. At least I can't.

I started with our gigantic game cupboard: it was crammed to overflowing, with many games we don't play or games missing pieces that were eaten by the baby long ago.

My 12-year-old must've seen the frenzied look in my eyes as I ripped everything out and started piling up boxes, because she asked "Mom, you really like to throw stuff away, don't you?"

Well, after tossing or donating half the contents of the game cupboard my new favorite thing to do in my free time is throw open the doors and fawn over the beautifully organized inside. So yes. Yes, I do.

—3—

When my sweet friend Bridget got me out of the house to go out for dinner, the presentation of my food was so gorgeous I really wanted to take a picture. But whenever I think about photographing my food in public my next thought is always this guy:


So anyway, no picture. But really, the food was beautiful and  delicious. Ordinarily I don't even like seafood, and I ate every bite.

It's possible that my glowing review was partly influenced by the fact that:

1. I haven't been anywhere without kids since my 6-month-old was born,
2. I haven't eaten out in longer than that unless you count room service in the maternity ward, and
3. At home we've been known to eat meals that look like this:

I don't mean to brag, but I'm sort of an accomplished food arsonist.

I'm not saying we eat like this all the time, but it happens.

—4—

This week my oldest daughter's church youth group put on a special program. Each girl put together a display and showcased a 10-hour project she completed in Personal Progress, which is like a church version of the girl scout merit badge program.

As I watched the different girls talk about their projects I was struck by how much I love the Personal Progress program. At a time when teens left to their own devices might just hide in solitude behind their earbuds, Personal Progress gives them productive things to do with their families.

One girl composed a piano duet and played it with her mom. Another did a family hike up a mountain. Someone else made her prom dress with her aunt.

My daughter learned how to cook and then taught her younger sister, so her display was easy: just bring in some kitchen paraphernalia. However, finding presentable-looking kitchen tools in our house is easier said than done.

Let's see, should we send it the cheese grater with the broken top? The handle-less serving spoon? The pot with the lid I burned so badly it's permanently discolored? The spatula with the giant gouge melted off from when it fell onto the heating element in the dishwasher?

Still in active daily use. You don't get to go on disability if you're an Evans kitchen tool. You work for us until the day you drop dead.

So many ways to say mediocrity in the kitchen, each one more impressive than the last.

—5—

Is anyone having trouble posting comments to my blog? I got an email from a reader saying that their comments weren't posting, even when they used a different device.

As I write this, it occurs to me that if you're having a similar problem you can't comment to answer this question. But maybe you could email me? Send me a Facebook message?

If this is happening to other people too, I'm going to install a new commenting widget so I can hear from all of you.

—6—

According to what I read on the Internet and the merchandise I'm seeing in CVS, I should've started my Christmas shopping in August. By now I'm probably supposed to be finished with that and shopping for next year.

Buuuuut I haven't done a blessed thing yet except for setting up an Advent giveaway for you guys.

Don't make me feel like the lady who slaves over a hot stove making a dinner no one eats. Go here to read a review and enter to win a digital copy of the Names of Christ Advent Devotional created by my artist friend Heidi using Bible verses and some sweet Zentangle action. Your kids will love it.

—7—

My cub scout is learning about Internet safety for his Cyber Chip, and I've been dying laughing listening to him work through the videos and games he's required to watch and do.

In the "netiquette" section, he played a video game with different bad guys exemplifying bad netiquette. My favorite was Pottymouth Pete, who grumbled unintelligible curses whenever he was onscreen just like Joe Pesci in Home Alone. 

Just to see how you'd do if you were earning your Cyber Chip, try to answer this quiz question I overheard:

If you see something online that makes you sad, scared, or confused, what should you do?

A) scream real loud
B) tell a trusted adult
C) do a little dance

I thought that one was a trick question, though, because I don't think A is supposed to be the answer but aren't kids always screaming real loud?

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Things You Find in the Bathroom Once You Have Kids

People say the kitchen is the heart of the home, but any parent knows it's really the bathroom. If archeologists from the future ever wanted to know about my family, all they'd have to do was examine the truckloads of random things my kids abandon in the loo on a daily basis.

Aside from toilets that were used but never flushed (sorry, gross but true) and hand towels that are always on the floor even after you've hung them back up a dozen times by 9 AM (maybe you have a poltergeist?) here are some of the things you can expect to find in the bathroom once you have kids.

1. A Full Load of Laundry.

Our bathroom floor is consistently the #1 dumping ground for jackets, hoodies, and of course the ubiquitous balled-up sock (it's everywhere else in the house, frankly it would be a little weird if it wasn't also in the bathroom.) My children apparently go into the bathroom to shed their clothes like a snake sheds its skin, and have you ever once seen a snake pick up its old skin and put it away? No, you have not.

2. Every Toy Known to Man.  

I've found all manner of toys in the bathroom, from stuffed animals to tennis rackets. To be fair, this is a toddler's version of taking your smartphone in there with you so I kind of get it. But judging by the toys I've picked up, our bathroom is the best place in the house to assemble Legos, organize your extensive Shopkins collection, and have a Nerf gun fight. One time I found a bike helmet in there, which proved beyond a reasonable doubt that I have no idea what is actually going on around here.

3. All the Spatulas.

Once you have kids old enough to crawl or walk, you'll find an astounding number of kitchen implements in the bathroom. At first this will completely gross you out, but after a while you won't even think anything of finding the entire contents of your kitchen drawers scattered all over the floor around your toilet. Motherhood does stuff to you.

4. This.

The thing no one tells you about parenthood is that no amount of begging, bribing, cajoling, threatening, or giving a 22-slide PowerPoint presentation will motivate kids in the slightest to put the new toilet paper roll on the dispenser. It just won't. Only when they grow up and have children of their own will they be seized with a desire to actually change the roll. I think that's called karma.

5. Water Everywhere. 

There will be water on the counters, water on the floor, and maybe on a bad day, water dripping from the ceiling from the upstairs bathroom above you. And not just when your kid bellyflops into the tub like a majestic humpback whale breaching the ocean. It's a fact that kids can also flood the bathroom when getting a drink, washing their hands, or even spritzing the cowlick in their hair to make it lie flat. It doesn't seem possible, yet here you are, standing in a puddle.

The commode is a pretty happening room of the house where parents can find pretty much anything, but please note I didn't include "hairbrush" on this list. That's because it will literally never, ever be in the bathroom. But don't worry, you can always try your luck with the spaghetti serving spoon sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

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Names of Christ Advent Giveaway (Ends 11/25/16)

If you're anything like me, you're still congratulating yourself for successfully getting everyone into a Halloween costume on time and then all of a sudden realize that sweet son of a nutcracker it's already mid-November and I think I need to go breathe into a paper bag!

Obviously we buy a lot of paper bags around here. But I can help.

In the next few weeks I'll be posting some of my favorite things and my kids' favorite Christmas gifts and toys from over the years, but today I'm helping you out with Advent. I know, I'm such a lifesaver.

Last year, Heidi at A Lively Hope gave me a free digital copy of this beautiful Names of Christ Advent Devotional for families to review and two to give away, and we're doing it again!

Last-minute style, because that's the only way I roll.

My kids loved doing Names of Christ last year, and we're looking forward to doing it again this year. Here's how it works:

From every day from December 1st until Christmas, your family learns about a different title for Jesus Christ and colors a pretty ornament.

Cut out the circles, glue together with a loop of ribbon in the middle, and bam. You've got an ornament.

Each day has a page with that day's name, a few Bible verses where it's found, and some discussion questions that make your family think about just why Jesus is called "Prince of Peace," anyway.

The discussions were a little too basic for our older kids, so we beefed them up a bit by adding our own insights and thoughts.

Because of Heidi's signature Zentangle/adult coloring book style, even the older kids who outgrew coloring years ago were excited about doing these intricate ornaments.

Fact: kids listen better while their hands are busy. Especially our 4-year-old.

Because it's digital, I can use Names of Christ year after year and print off as many copies as I want.

You're even allowed to share printed copies (not the digital version) for personal or classroom use, so I printed off some more of these and brought them to my Sunday School class last year for my 9- and 10-year-olds to make the Sunday before Christmas.

Our four oldest kids times 24 ornaments equals a lot of ornaments (plus I'm a perfectionist who had to stuff a rag in my mouth to keep from screaming when my kids put the stamps on our Christmas cards crooked,) so we gave the kids their own special tree for the ornaments they made.

Ours curled a little after the glue dried because we printed them out on regular typing paper. If that would drive you crazy (again, perfectionist, I totally get it) you could use nicer cardstock.

Heidi is giving away two digital copies, so enter below to win one! The giveaway runs from today through November 25.

The widget below tells you all the ways to enter; they're all optional and you can even do some of them every day. We'll randomly choose winners and Heidi will email the digital copy to you just in time to make it look like you had this Advent thing planned all along.

a Rafflecopter giveaway
If you missed or didn't win the giveaway, you can also buy the Names of Christ Advent Devotional through my affiliate link by clicking here:


Disclaimer: I'll be the first to admit that last year, we didn't make our goal of doing an ornament every single day, and if I'm completely honest we probably won't this year.

But it helped us keep Christ in Christmas which is really what it's all about.

For those of you who are panicking because the holidays are sneaking up on you again, I hope you win!

And for those of you who've had your entire Christmas planned out since August, my hat is off to you. Feel free to come mow my lawn and remove the Easter egg wreath from my front door anytime you like.

giveaway sponsored by A Lively Hope

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7 Quick Takes about Glacier Excavation in the Kitchen, Super-Official Election Ballots, and Tricking Kids into Thinking Eating is Fun

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

I always wanted a fridge with a water dispenser, and now I know what the phrase "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it" means. We got one about 5 years ago and it's been nothing but trouble.

It's always requiring a new filter of some kind or other, and now it's stopped dispensing ice and started dripping water. I highly recommend having a perma-puddle in front of the fridge: not only is it great for wood floors, but the kids can't get enough of the slapstick banana peel action as people try to walk through the kitchen!

Anyway, I finally defrosted the fridge and took apart the ice maker, which is here circled in red:

As I suspected, the entire inside of this thing was a solid block of ice. I was worried it would never thaw on its own (because it was essentially a glacier and those things last forever) so I helped it along with my trusty hairdryer.

It was sort of a weird way to spend a day.

—2—

While I was busy with the fridge, Phillip was having quite the eventful time himself. On the day he was coming home from a work trip, he got food poisoning in the morning and then ran out of gas driving home from the airport.

Aside from feeling bad for him (and providing some AAA-style highway assistance,) I had to admit I was really curious about the food poisoning.

I've never seen anyone actually use a barf bag on a plane before. What do you do with it when you're done? Hand it to the flight attendant with a smile and say "You're welcome?"

—3—

I don't know where he learned it, but my 2-year-old has lately been zinging me with these retorts ("Look, there's a dump truck." "YOU'RE a dump truck!") that sound oddly like they came from the 1990s. What can I say, he's an old soul.

It all started when I sniffed his diaper and said, "You stink." He looked right back and me and said, "YOU stink!" I realized too late that bursting into laughter wasn't the right response, because now he says stuff like that all the time.

On a long, errand-ridden car ride the other day he was behaving himself very well so I told him, "You're a delightful young man."

He misheard me and shot back, "YOU a eggplant!"

Touché.

—4—

This is, if you haven't noticed, a completely apolitical blog. But my daughter did have an "election" lesson in preschool on Monday, and she learned a lot.

Some lessons on the electoral process from my preschooler:

1. You have to go to the town hall to vote.
2. A long time ago, only boys could vote so girls holded signs that said "Let girls vote!"
3. When you vote on crackers, cheese, or apples for snack, cheese always wins. Duh.

I was told each snack made an impassioned campaign speech before this official-looking ballot was cast.

—5—

I took the baby in to get his picture taken at JC Penney. I told the photographer he could only sit up by himself for a few seconds so he'd need plenty of support, maybe we could prop him up on some pillows or something. And then he proceeded to sit there unassisted for like 3 minutes while we took his pictures.

It was only when he spit up and I turned my back to grab a burp cloth that he finally tipped over.

—6—

This has been a really annoying week. I've spent about 5 hours more than I'd like (that means 5 hours total, because I'd like to spend zero hours) driving around looking for something in stores.

Maybe that sounds like a typical week to you, but I hate going in physical stores. I'd much rather plan ahead and order it on Amazon, but somehow I've been waking up realizing this or that important function is today and I've got no other choice.

Frankly, I'm a little scared that my life has become so hectic I can't get it together enough to make Amazon Prime 2-day shipping work for me, but that's where I'm at right now.

On the plus side, I got to see some stuff by going out in the real world. They're already playing Christmas music and have the North Pole all set up for Santa at the mall, and get a load of what I saw by the register at Bed, Bath, and Beyond:

Twix by the Yard: Merry Christmas, I got you type II diabetes!

—7—

Recently my dad and stepmom went to Japan and sent the kids chopsticks, which I've got to say are the best thing ever, from an American parent's point of view.

See this meal? Leftovers. First night we didn't have chopsticks, and the 5-year-old wouldn't touch it. Second night, we had chopsticks and it was suddenly entertainment to eat it.

I myself have fond childhood memories of trying to eat bowls of Lucky Charms (no milk) with a pair of chopsticks. I'm sure it delighted my parents, who could maybe have a coherent thought or two while I was occupied. So win-win.

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