Friday, February 15, 2019

7 Quick Takes about Living Like a Pioneer, Disturbing Disney Discoveries, and A Few Notes About "Mom Brain"

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


A few weeks ago when my 4-year-old asked me a bunch of questions about earthquakes, I Googled "earthquake educational video" and clicked the first thing that came up.

There turns out to be an entire channel of educational videos by this guy called Mr. DeMaio, and I love him. His videos are as hilarious as they are informative. I'm about 26 years older than his target audience, but I would totally watch these by myself.


Fun fact about Mr. DeMaio: my 4-year-old, who mostly interacts with adults via church where kids call their teachers "Brother/Sister Jones," misheard the name of Mr. DeMaio and now calls him "Sister Demaio."

2


I've been living like a pioneer for the last 6 days, which is my way of saying our microwave broke on Saturday. (I bet you thought I meant I'd been molding my own candles from tallow and nursing various family members through bouts of malaria, but you were wrong.)

We finally got a new microwave on Thursday, just in time to pop a ton of popcorn for this delicious Valentine's Day popcorn for our annual family Valentine's Day tradition.

3


If I ever write an autobiography, I think I'll call it Cake Wrecks, Except It's Just My Life.

I made a cake mix from a box this week, which you'd think would be simple enough, but no.

First of all, I had no microwave (see Take #2) to soften the butter. Some dodo on the Internet claimed I could do it in a double boiler on the stovetop without totally melting it which was a LIE, so whatever, I hope my family likes butter chunks in their cake.

Second, I was making a buttermilk substitute for the batter and my son dumped the vinegar directly into the dry ingredients instead of the milk.

And then smoke started pouring out of the preheating oven because I'd forgotten to clean it after something bubbled over and burnt all over the bottom a few days earlier.

All in all, it amounted to a considerable amount of stomping and screaming over a boxed cake mix. But I guess it turned out all right in the end. We ate cake and I even remembered to clean the oven for next time.

4


There's something about having kids that makes you reexamine everything you take for granted. Whatever you wore as a teen that was cool, your kids think is weird. Your music? Also weird. The movies you grew up with? They don't get them and don't like them.

I don't remember why, but the other day I did the Arsenio Hall fist pump to my kids and you should've seen the puzzled expressions on their faces as they tried to figure out why I was punching an imaginary speed bag and barking like a dog.

When I looked at it through their eyes, I had to admit it was pretty weird.

Then again, I take comfort in the fact that someday 20 years from now, they'll dab or floss in front of their kids, and they'll suddenly find themselves on the other end of that bewildered stare.

That's the real circle of life, Elton John.

5


My older three kids remember watching The Little Mermaid years ago, but I don't think my younger three even existed then so we decided to watch it again.

As always happens when watching childhood movies as an adult, I discovered something horrifying I'd never noticed before: Ariel has no fingernails.

That's right. Just five fleshy points at the ends of her fingers and that is every bit as terrifying as it sounds.

I can accept that Ariel's singing voice carries underwater like she's performing at Carnegie Hall, but this is too much for me to accept.

6


You know how everyone jokes about how the first child gets a fully completed baby book, the second child gets one or two pages, and the third just has a few things jotted on Post-It notes if only you could remember where you put them?

Well, by the time you get to the fifth child, apparently you forget to go to kindergarten registration and have to visit the elementary school the next day to claim the paperwork with your tail between your legs.

Sorry, fifth kid. I still love you, my brain is just full.

7


Speaking of full brains, I just finished making a new video!

Every time an article or video about mindfulness pops up on the Internet, sarcastic comments spontaneously begin spewing from my mouth about how none of that even remotely applies to moms with small children.

So I finally ended up putting together a funny video on the subject called "Why Moms Can't Practice Mindfulness."

I really like doing videos, but I especially loved making this one because my four youngest kids helped. It was so fun to film with them and show them the finished product after I was all done editing.

As the video ended I turned to the ask how they liked it, but was cut off  by my 7-year-old pointing at the YouTube 'suggested videos' and yelling "LET'S WATCH THE ONE WITH THE CAT IN THE TOILET!" so I'm going to guess it made a big impression on her and she thought it was fantastic.

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Thursday, February 14, 2019

Why Moms Can't Practice Mindfulness {VIDEO}

If you haven't already been beaten over the head with the idea, "mindfulness" is the trendy concept of being fully present in the moment. In other words, a person is being mindful when they are completely focusing on the here and now, without thinking or stressing about anything else.

Do you know what the opposite of mindfulness is? Motherhood.

Woman with zero children being mindful.
Go find a mom, right now. Ask her for her kid's date of birth, shoe size, teacher's name, how many baby teeth he still has, and what he had for breakfast this morning.

Then ask her when the registration deadline for soccer is and when the birthday card for her mother-in-law was mailed and whether the family is running low on toilet paper.

She'll tell you, even if you wake her up from a dead sleep at 3 AM to ask. That's because we're the superheroes of scattered focus. When you have to be present for everything, you don't have the luxury of being fully present for anything.

No matter where we are or what we're doing, there's always at least a part of us keeping tabs on our little people and everything connected to them. Because we're moms.

That's why I just can't anymore with the instructional mindfulness videos from childless 24-year-olds on YouTube. I recently saw one that spent several minutes talking about going outside and losing yourself looking at the clouds.

If a mom spends 10 minutes staring at a cloud, do you know what else is happening? A small person for whom she's responsible is running around in the street with no pants on, that's what.

What we need is a real mindfulness video for moms, by a mom who understands what it's like to routinely use the bathroom with someone sitting on your lap asking if ducks have feet.

Share with your mom friends, and you're welcome.

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Friday, February 8, 2019

7 Quick Takes about Global Play Day, Things You Shouldn't Throw in the Toilet, and Keeping Birthdays Simple

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


On Wednesday, my kids' elementary school participated in Global Play Day. In an effort to recognize the importance of play for kids, no academics were scheduled for the entire day. All students were supposed to bring toys and games (but no electronics) and just play at school.

Ironically enough, my kids complain about Global Play Day because 7 hours is a long time and they run out of things to do. So maybe it would be better to add one short recess every day instead of going crazy once a year. (School administrators take note.)

2


Kids were also encouraged to "walk, ride, or roll" to school on Global Play Day, and of course my 7-year-old latched onto that idea.

She normally rides the bus but begged me all week to bike to school with her on Global Play Day, which would've been completely impossible. We live on the opposite side of town and would need to ride 40 minutes down a busy highway. In February.

After trying to sell me on various iterations of a plan involving me hauling her two little brothers 4.3 miles in a bike trailer at 7 AM, she asked "Can you just drive me halfway and I'll bike from there?"

I appreciate your enthusiasm, dear, but no. You are the reason they invented school buses.

3


At the pediatric cardiologist's (don't panic, my son was born with a small heart murmur that isn't problematic and they just want to keep an eye on it) I noticed this sign in the restroom:

Big family antics, toddler messes, funny elementary school writing prompts, and more in this week's edition of 7 Quick Takes! #7quicktakes #7qt

I didn't even consciously read it because signs above public toilets always say the same thing, but something weird about it caught my eye. Toys??

Look, if you can read this you're way too old to be throwing toys in the toilet. So who exactly is the intended audience of this sign? Do the parents of toddlers really need to be reminded that the staff is not cool with periodically fishing the waiting room toys out of the commode?

It occurs to me that it would have been really ironic if, while I was lost in thought over the meaning of the sign, my 2-year-old launched a toy into the toilet.

But he didn't. This time.

4


No, our disaster of the week occurred a few days later, when we were leaving home to pick up my 4-year-old from preschool.

The 2-year-old had been playing upstairs for about 20 minutes, but weirdly enough, when I went to go get him he wasn't in his room.He wasn't playing in the girls' room, either.

I finally found him in the bathroom, sitting in the sink smearing an economy-sized tub of Eucerin everywhere. It was all over him, his clothes, the faucet, the mirror. It was even smashed into the bristles of the toothbrushes.

Phillip happened to be working from home and knew I was about to be late, so he told me to just go and he'd take care of it. (He didn't say "stop by CVS before coming home so you don't have to help with cleanup" per se, but I think it was implied.)

I'm not even sure how you'd go about taking care of a mess like that, honestly. My 2-year-old mentioned something about Daddy cleaning him with paper towels and a spatula, so I'll just assume I don't want to know.

5


As we sat down to do our family gospel study, Phillip asked the 4-year-old to help out.

"Can you draw a picture of Jesus getting baptized by John the Baptist?"

My 4-year-old looked doubtful and said "I don't know how to draw that," but Phillip said to just do his best and it would look great.

We were not disappointed.

Big family antics, toddler messes, funny elementary school writing prompts, and more in this week's edition of 7 Quick Takes! #7quicktakes #7qt
Jesus and John the Baptist, who are clearly competing in a "world's most vacant expression" contest.

Seriously, this is quite possibly my new favorite piece of religious art.

6


I'm in the brainstorming phase of planning a birthday party for one of my kids, who requested an emergency rescue-themed party.

I went online to see what was out there, and while I didn't get a lot of helpful ideas I did come to the conclusion that people are legitimately crazy.

Some of the ideas were so over the top. Several bloggers had their police department send over a squad car and some officers to meet the birthday boy or girl, and one more decorated to the nines and casually parked an antique fire truck (she neglected to mention how she came to be in possession of an antique fire truck) behind the cake table in the driveway.

Like, we are literally just going to have cupcakes and play pin-the-badge-on-the-policeman using a kitchen towel as a blindfold. Is that okay? I feel like I'm going to get arrested by Pinterest if I even try something like that in this day and age.

7


Judging by this composition my 1st grader brought home, her class must be learning how to structure a paragraph with an introduction, supporting sentences, and a conclusion.

Big family antics, toddler messes, funny elementary school writing prompts, and more in this week's edition of 7 Quick Takes! #7quicktakes #7qt
The most serious essay including the words "pocket" and "wocket" that you'll ever read.

As a writer, I basically love this.

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Wednesday, February 6, 2019

7 Text Message Exchanges between Disney Characters

When you introduce your kids to the Disney classics you grew up with, you notice some things that weren't there before.

Here are a few of my observations, in the form of texts the characters may have sent to one another had cell phones between invented back then.

1. George and Mary Darling from Peter Pan.


At the beginning of the movie, George and Mary (the parents of Wendy, Michael, and John) were getting ready for an office party. I wonder if they ever had second thoughts?


Just saying that a bipedal nanny might have provided a teensy bit more supervision.

2. Ariel and King Triton from The Little Mermaid.


Text exchanges between parents and teenagers look the same, pretty much across species.


Even mer-parents know when their kids are going to get into trouble before it happens.

3. Merryweather, Flora, and Fauna from Sleeping Beauty.


When the three fairies are invited to the castle to bestow gifts on the newborn Princess Aurora, I had some questions.


If Merryweather hadn't had to change her plans at the last minute, maybe Aurora would've ended up with at least a few onesies or something she could actually use. At least she had great hair.

4. Aladdin and Jasmine from Aladdin.


I've seen celebrities try to pull this and you've got to do better. At least put on some sunglasses.


Luckily for her, the guards don't seem that smart so I'm sure she'll think of something.

5. Gaston and Belle from Beauty and the Best


The plot seems a little weirder now that I'm an adult, frankly.


And I'm still not over the fact that the beast was less attractive as a human than he was when he had a buffalo head.

6. Pocahontas and John Smith from Pocahontas.


It's just easier for some people to pick up a second language than others. No one knows why.


She's got a point.

7. The King and the Grand Duke from Cinderella.


This needle-in-a-haystack approach seems like kind of a drain on the economy.


However, seeing as the king's motivation is to get some grandchildren, I totally understand where he's coming from. If I were in his position, I'd probably do the same thing.

If the Disney characters from my childhood favorites suddenly had access to text messaging, everything would be different. At the very least, the animators would have to start giving the princesses pockets.

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Friday, February 1, 2019

7 Quick Takes about Winning a Cake, Fake Salt, and A Little Early-Morning Research

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


I love the way our elementary school does fundraisers. Instead of selling stuff, they have one event a year where families come to the school and buy tickets they can use to buy pizza for dinner, enter raffles, and play carnival-style games.

It's not the funnest thing you could do with your family on a Friday night, but it's certainly more fun than hawking overpriced wrapping paper to unsuspecting relatives and coworkers.

My 7-year-old's favorite game at this fundraiser is the Cake Walk. You walk around the school gym and when the music stops, if the number you're standing on is called you win a cake.

We won a cake which sounds cool, but remember that these are cakes baked, decorated, and donated by elementary schoolers. I should've taken a picture of the one we got.

It was covered in mounds of gummy worms and marshmallows, with at least $5 worth of sugar sprinkles dumped on top. It looked disgusting.

I kept trying to steer my daughter toward the more edible-looking ones, but that's the one she wanted. Sigh.

2


The grocery store was totally out of normal salt the last time I went shopping, so I had to buy the next best thing. What I ended up getting was this freak of nature:

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Freak? Yes. Natural? Not a chance.

How the heck do you make less-salty salt? What even IS this?

I can't wait to go back to the store next week so we can buy some real salt. This can't possibly be good for us.

3


I usually let my 2- and 4-year-olds choose their own picture books at the library, which means we haven't read anything that wasn't about trucks for 6 months.

I decided it was time to broaden their literary horizons and picked out some things from the children's section on other topics including beetles, anthropomorphized snowmen, talking cats, and a shark who wanted a hug.

We came home and then I went to volunteer in my 1st grader's class at school, but when I came home I told my 4-year-old to go get one of his new books. He brought me this one and said, "Let's read Dads Can Do Anything!"

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Basically it's I Love You, Stinky Face for dads. I'm kind of in love with it.

Knowing he can't read yet, I asked how he knew what the title was (even though he got it slightly wrong.)

Shrugging nonchalantly, he said, "I just readed the words."

"So... Dad didn't read this to you while I was gone?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

Several more times, he solemnly swore he read the title on his own and Dad had never been involved.

Which Phillip confirmed was a total lie that night when I asked him about it; they'd read the book immediately after I left.

4


While at the library, I grabbed this math book called Here's Looking at Euclid for my 14-year-old. I flipped through the pages just to give it a quick scan before I gave it to her, and I was hooked. I seriously can't put it down.

I think math is boring, but examining the way we think about math (which I guess I've never even thought to think about before) is blowing my mind.

Did you know numbers mean different things to different cultures?

Have you ever thought about what it would be like with a base 12 number system?

There didn't used to be zero, people. Think about that.

5


My 7-year-old came into my bedroom to cuddle with me one morning. While I struggled to wake up, she chit-chatted and made random observations until suddenly she asked, "How do boogers form?"

"I don't know, but we can look it up," I said.

Then realizing I say that a lot but don't actually get around to looking it up all that often, I grabbed my phone and Googled her question so we could find out the answer.

So, people waiting to have children because they want to be "ready:" know that it's impossible to prepare for the experience of having kids. You just can't possibly foresee that someday you're going to be lying in bed at 6:30 A.M. looking up boogers.

6


One of my favorite things about toddlers is how they adopt the big words they hear us using. My favorite word my 2-year-old says is "actually," because it sounds so funny coming out of his tiny mouth.

I gave him a hug the other day and said, "I love you."

"I love you!" he answered automatically, and then said, "...actually, no."

"You don't?" I asked.

"No," he said. "I like Dad."

Okay, maybe I don't like actually all that much.

7


Our new bookshelf is finally put together, and the long box it came in was propped up by the door to go out to the recycling. My children quickly discovered it and it became their favorite toy.

First they just colored all over it.

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Then it migrated into the living room and became a boat. (If you're buying a new living room rug, I highly recommend one with patches of green and blue because our kids have invented 3,451 games involving 'land' and 'water' with ours.)

Then it was just a cool place to hang out and read:

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I went to go make dinner, smiling at how wonderfully creative they are and thinking, "Well, we can keep the box around if they like it so much."

The next thing I knew, the kids' play had somehow devolved into this:

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The box went to the recycling center the next day.

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Thursday, January 31, 2019

A Fun Valentine's Day Tradition That Will Help Your Kids Get Along Better

On Phillip's and my first Valentine's Day as a married couple, we didn't have any money. I didn't really want anything, anyway, so I just told him to write me a love letter. And then when he did, I figured that I should probably write one to him, too.

By the next Valentine's Day, our first baby had already arrived so we decided to include her in the tradition - why not? In addition to writing to each other, we also each wrote to her on her first Valentine's Day, and I put them in an envelope for when she's older.

As we added children to our family, we kept adding letters every Valentine's Day.

Whether it was because we didn't have a definite plan for how many children we'd have or because I'm bad at math, I didn't realize that it meant I'd be writing 7 letters each and every February, as well as helping the younger kids with theirs.

It's kind of a lot of work, but it also gives rise to my favorite family tradition: the family love bomb.

We’ve celebrated with lots of fun Valentine’s Day ideas for families over the years, but this “family love bomb” is my favorite. My kids look forward to it every year! #valentinesday #family

Love-Bombing Each Family Member on Valentine's Day


Instead of just giving each other the letters, we make an evening out of it during the week of Valentine's Day.

We have Valentine's treats and go around the room, choosing one person at a time to get love-bombed as 7 letters are read to them about how fantastic they are. (Only Phillip's and my letters to each other are exchanged later in private.)

You should see how giddy everybody gets when it's their turn to hear all their letters. The younger kids quite literally bounce around like pinballs, the older kids try to hide how secretly pleased they are, and I'm not going to lie: even I look forward to it.

Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to incorporate this fun activity that promotes a loving family identity and a strong brother-sister bond! If you want to work on the sibling relationship in your household, having them “love bomb” each other is a great idea. #valentinesday #siblings

Traditions Strengthen the Family Identity


Believe me, there are certain personalities and maturity levels in our family who aren't altogether comfortable with reading their letters out loud. The uncomfortable shifting and the awkwardness usually peaks in the tween years.

But the treats help.

And even if they might have trouble making eye contact when they read "I think you are a good sister," I think it's an important way to develop our family identity. Research has consistently shown that kids with a strong sense of family identity have higher self-esteem and are better able to deal with the effects of stress and peer pressure.

I was recently horrified by a mom blog article that actually advised parents not to praise a child in the presence of a sibling to avoid making the other kid jealous. That is BULL-oney. With extra bull.

I want the kids to hear us praising their siblings, and not only do I want them to hear it I want them to do it, too. We are all unique and wonderful in this family, and letting each other know it is important.


Handling the Logistics of Writing a Billion Letters


Every kid gets a letter, starting the year they're born. As soon as they're a few years old, I'll help them write letters of their own by asking questions like "what's your favorite thing to do with your sister?" or "what does your brother do that makes you laugh?" I either write their answers down Q&A-style or prepare a fill-in-the-blank letter ("Dear Daddy, you are really good at ___________________.")

By early elementary school, they usually have ideas about how to write their letters all on their own, and by the time they're older they don't need much help from me. If they're stuck on what to say, I usually suggest brainstorming three nice adjectives about the addressee, and write about a time something happened that illustrates one of the adjectives.

February is a lot of work in our house, and I'm not exaggerating when I say I carry around a clipboard with a chart showing who has written to who. But it's worth it.

Not only is our annual family love bomb something the kids and I look forward to every year, I also smile every time I tuck their letters away into their respective envelopes and think about how much fun it will be for them to look back on those letters 20 years from now.

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Monday, January 28, 2019

Getting My Daughter a Smartphone: 6 Months Later


When "everyone" else started getting a cell phone when my daughter was in 6th grade, I didn't pay too much attention.

(If parenting for the last 11 years had taught me anything, it's that kids exaggerate and "everyone" means any number of people greater than 4 or 5.)

I don't know, maybe some of those kids genuinely did need phones. Maybe they were shuttling between divorced parents' houses every day or frequently needed to be picked up in a cornfield at an undetermined time at the spur of the moment.

Regardless of their reasons, I knew my daughter didn't need one. 

She was either at school or at home, with a regular schedule so I always knew when I needed to pick her up from after-school activities.

The odd time she had to call me was once every couple of months, and since "everyone" had a phone, she could easily borrow a friend's or (gasp!) ask to use the one in the school office.

You know, the big ones on the wall we used in the olden days.

My teenager was literally the last of her friends to get a cell phone the summer before freshman year. We could have caved and given our teen a smartphone years before that, but here's why we waited and why we thought 14 was the right age to get a cell phone. #parentingteens #cellphonerules

In Which I Find Out My Daughter Isn't Lying


By 8th grade, we were still holding out and even other parents were having conniptions about it.

I ran into another mom at the grocery store a few days after our daughters left on a weeklong class trip to Washington, D.C. who asked, "How's your daughter doing?"

You should have seen the panic on her face when I said I didn't know.

"What!? You mean you haven't heard from her?!?"

I shrugged, saying something like "I assume that means everything is fine!"

And then it dawned on me that the idea of my 8th grader not bringing her own personal phone on the trip hadn't even occurred to this other mom.

It looked like my daughter was right and "everyone" indeed had a phone. How did she feel about that?

She acknowledged it would be a cool thing to have, but also seemed to understand it was basically an expensive extra. Really, she didn't seem too worried about the whole thing so neither were we.

We Finally Cave to Societal Expectations


Things started changing in the summer before 9th grade.

My daughter was having trouble communicating with her friends, who all had phones but never answered them. They only texted. (I don't get it, but whatever.) We talked about it a few times, and I noticed her looking up the cost of cell phone plans.

At the same time, her cross-country team started running every day at a local park and practice usually finished early or late. On top of that, they used a text alert system (and nothing else) to advise team members of schedule changes and other notifications.

It was starting to feel like a phone was now more of a genuine need. After all, I certainly didn't want to be the one fielding all her texts about cross-country.

I still wan't jazzed about all the baggage that comes with handing a teen a smartphone (Cyberbullying! Anxiety and depression! Screen addiction!) but even I had to admit it was probably time.

What Rules are Appropriate for Teens With Cell Phones?


We found a phone at a good deal and a $30/month plan through Republic Wireless, but before we just handed it over I wanted to lay out the rules very clearly.

I read a ton of cell phone contracts on the Internet. I thought the idea of signing a contract with my 14-year-old was silly, but what I gathered from my research was that we needed to set rules in four different areas: phone ownership, charging, and inappropriate times/places/ways to use the phone.

When it was the right time to get our kid a cell phone, I read a TON of cell phone contracts on the Internet. I knew we needed clear, age-appropriate rules before giving her a smartphone. Here is our master list of cell phone rules for teens and tweens! #teens #tweens

Cell Phone Rule #1: Phone Ownership

It was important to us for our daughter to know she didn't own the phone, and therefore wasn't entitled to use it however she wanted. Phillip and I (who paid for both the phone and the monthly plan) would happily allow her to use it for as long as she followed the rules we set.

As the owners of the phone, we check it periodically and she needs our permission before she downloads or installs new apps on it.

We will not, however, replace or repair it if she loses or breaks it. She bought a case and screen protector with her own money, and it's her responsibility to fix or replace if she finds herself with a broken or vanished phone.

Cell Phone Rule #2: Charging

I know a lot of people (myself included) who use cell phones as their alarm clock, but I don't think it's a good idea for kids to have phones in their rooms overnight.

Parents should designate a place to charge the phone in either their (the parents') bedroom or in the main living area of the house, as well as a time by which it must be put away for the night. For us, it's in the kitchen by 9 PM.

Cell Phone Rule #3: Phone Use

The hours between 9 PM and 7 AM are off-limits for talking and texting on our daughter's phone, or using the Internet at all for non-schoolwork.

She can't bring the phone to the dinner table or use it during family time, church, or during class at school unless the teacher approves it.

Just as we keep the computer in a public area of the home to ensure appropriate Internet use, the smartphone (a.k.a: a tiny computer) isn't allowed in the bedroom or bathroom.

In our family it goes without saying that cyberbullying or looking at porn would automatically revoke her phone privileges, but we made sure to point that out, too.

(Click here to download the free printable version of these teen cell phone rules!)
When we gave our teen her first cell phone, we knew we had to start with clear rules and expectations for carrying a smartphone. After tons of research, I came up with a list of essential cell phone rules for teens and tweens - 6 months later, our house rules are working out perfectly. #cellphonecontract #parenting

Six Months Later


That was in late August, so it's been six months since my daughter joined "everyone" and carries around a phone in her pocket.

It's going better than I thought it would. She's not glued to the screen every waking hour (although I'm not going to lie, she does take an inordinate number of BuzzFeed quizzes.)

We've never had to suspend phone privileges, but we wouldn't hesitate to if she broke the rules. A few times she's been caught on the phone after 9 PM, the consequence for which is going to bed immediately. She normally sets her own bedtime so you can imagine she did not like that (which is probably why it's only happened twice.)

While writing this, I asked my daughter what she thought of the rules. She said she didn't think they were "too strict" and we didn't "stalk her every text" (which is true; we check it but since she's given us no reason to distrust her we're not all CSI about it.)

Not being able to take the phone in private means that if she puts on a YouTube video the other 5 kids prick up their ears and come running, which she says is annoying. But I think she understands our reasons for that particular rule and is willing to follow them because she's a good kid.

My takeaway is this: I think entering into this strange new world with crystal clear expectations for our teenager was key, as is having a good parent-child relationship so we can trust her to meet them.

At age 14, our daughter was the last of "everyone" to get a phone the summer before 9th grade, but that turned out to be just right for us, and I don't think I'd change a thing if we went back and did it again.

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