Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Things You Find in the Bathroom Once You Have Kids

People say the kitchen is the heart of the home, but any parent knows it's really the bathroom. If archeologists from the future ever wanted to know about my family, all they'd have to do was examine the truckloads of random things my kids abandon in the loo on a daily basis.

Your bathroom used to be the most boring room of the house. Then you had kids, and now you never know what you're going to find in there...  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Aside from toilets that were used but never flushed (sorry, gross but true) and hand towels that are always on the floor even after you've hung them back up a dozen times by 9 AM (maybe you have a poltergeist?) here are some of the things you can expect to find in the bathroom once you have kids.

1. A Full Load of Laundry.


Our bathroom floor is consistently the #1 dumping ground for jackets, hoodies, and of course the ubiquitous balled-up sock (it's everywhere else in the house, frankly it would be a little weird if it wasn't also in the bathroom.) My children apparently go into the bathroom to shed their clothes like a snake sheds its skin, and have you ever once seen a snake pick up its old skin and put it away? No, you have not.

2. Every Toy Known to Man.  


I've found all manner of toys in the bathroom, from stuffed animals to tennis rackets. To be fair, this is a toddler's version of taking your smartphone in there with you so I kind of get it. But judging by the toys I've picked up, our bathroom is the best place in the house to assemble Legos, organize your extensive Shopkins collection, and have a Nerf gun fight. One time I found a bike helmet in there, which proved beyond a reasonable doubt that I have no idea what is actually going on around here.

3. All the Spatulas.


Once you have kids old enough to crawl or walk, you'll find an astounding number of kitchen implements in the bathroom. At first this will completely gross you out, but after a while you won't even think anything of finding the entire contents of your kitchen drawers scattered all over the floor around your toilet. Motherhood does stuff to you.

4. This.

Your bathroom used to be the most boring room of the house. Then you had kids, and now you never know what you're going to find in there...  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

The thing no one tells you about parenthood is that no amount of begging, bribing, cajoling, threatening, or giving a 22-slide PowerPoint presentation will motivate kids in the slightest to put the new toilet paper roll on the dispenser. It just won't. Only when they grow up and have children of their own will they be seized with a desire to actually change the roll. I think that's called karma.

5. Water Everywhere. 


There will be water on the counters, water on the floor, and maybe on a bad day, water dripping from the ceiling from the upstairs bathroom above you. And not just when your kid bellyflops into the tub like a majestic humpback whale breaching the ocean. It's a fact that kids can also flood the bathroom when getting a drink, washing their hands, or even spritzing the cowlick in their hair to make it lie flat. It doesn't seem possible, yet here you are, standing in a puddle.

The commode is a pretty happening room of the house where parents can find pretty much anything, but please note I didn't include "hairbrush" on this list. That's because it will literally never, ever be in the bathroom. But don't worry, you can always try your luck with the spaghetti serving spoon sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

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22 comments:

  1. Oh, the water! If I could turn off the water in the bathroom, I would. Seriously.

    If anyone wants to see more bathroom craziness, they can check out my post on it.

    http://www.sweepingupjoy.com/sqt-16-bathroom-discoveries-of-the-week/

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    1. I've often wondered if I can get a timer on the hot water heater that would allow me to make sure my kids limit their showers to 15 minutes. (Or at least the hot water to 15 minutes...)

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  2. The floods!! The floods! That's why I had to redo my floor!! Bonus- I got rid of that nasty carpet!!

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  3. I haven't had a qhole lot of kitchen utensils but yes on the rest. I think the bike helmets and also rollerblades at my house is due to kids who waited way too long to come inside go.

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    1. So it's only my kids that play with my spatulas more than they play with their own toys?

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  4. "THis." LOL!! Oh yes, we've all seen (maybe done?) "This."

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  5. Oh my word the TP roll. Grrr. I really feel for the toys in the bathroom. My daughter hasn't played with them in a year, I think, but there they still sit: on the floor, under the sink, on the edge of the bathtub. Maybe someone should clean (looks around not at self).

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  6. I can't say that my kids have put kitchen utensils in the bathroom, but it doesn't mean it won't happen in the future. Everything else is definitely true in our house true.

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  7. Just had a little moment of reflection for my pre child bathroom - candles, scrubs, dry floors. Perhaps one day I will have two bathrooms...One can dream.

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    1. We used to live in a 1-bathroom place before we moved. Stepping on plastic giraffes and little action figures while you're showering every morning gets old, I feel your pain!

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  8. I think the timing of this post is perfect, since according to the radio DJ I heard last night, this Saturday is World Toilet Day.
    When I was growing up, the only reason why I was OK with other people leaving the TP roll like that was so that I could put it on the right way, because it drove me crazy when my siblings put it on the wrong way, where the toilet paper was against the wall. And I don't know what it is about water-Peter obviously isn't able to use the restroom or anything, but when our families have visited (Jacob and I both have siblings who are under 12 years old) without fail, we'll hear a panicked sibling cry from the bathroom "I can't turn the water off!" and the faucet will be going full blast and water will be going everywhere. It's so weird!

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    1. Don't open the "which way is the right way to hang toilet paper" debate here! The Internet will explode.

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  9. Yes! There's always so much water! It drives me nuts. And toys. Ugh. My son is a teen so he doesn't bring toys in, but he leaves his dirty clothes in there, plus his towel on the floor.

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    1. The moldy towel is my favorite, although I have to say that instead of the bathroom floor usually it gets to decompose in their closet for a couple of days/weeks before I find it...

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  10. I have definitely been known to wonder why it is I seem to be the only one who can /will put a new roll of tissue on the holder properly.... And the boys aren't that old yet. Also, what is it with all the laundry being in the bathroom, no matter how many times I go and pick it up!?! :)

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  11. Oh my goodness! This is hilarious- I don't have any kids but now I know what I have to look forward to ;)
    The spaghetti serving spoon-LOL! It made me think of The Little Mermaid and her hair fork/dinglehopper! Haha

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    1. Maybe that's what it's always doing in there...

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  12. Hello,

    Incredible post here you have made.
    This post truly impacted me. I think, however there despite everything they sit: on the floor, under the sink, on the edge of the bath. Perhaps somebody ought to clean (glances around not at self)..Really this post is useful for us.

    Much obliged,
    Donald

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