6 Things We're Doing Right With Our 6 Kids

About the same time kids enter those pubescent middle school years, they start to exaggerate their faults and don't give themselves enough credit for all the amazing things they do. The other day I sat down with one of my kids and listed all the good things about them we could think of!

Today I'm going to take my own advice. Even though I've got a lot to work on as a parent, I'm taking a minute to acknowledge my strengths. Here are 6 ways I'm glad we're raising our kids.

1. We limit media.

We ditched our TV by accident when our oldest was 5, and it turned out to be a great thing for us. We have family movie night and the kids play some computer games and watch TedEd videos on YouTube, but the media doesn't have a huge presence in our house.

Besides being a potential time-waster, TV often makes it seem normal for siblings to be enemies, or for parents to be clueless, or for sarcastic insults to be funny. It's not just TV, either. Recently I came across an article in the online version of Seventeen and was really sad how the subtext of it was basically: "Your parents are always getting on your case about something, but we TOOOOO-TALLY get it (so buy our magazine!)"

There's some great stuff out there, but as a general rule the media doesn't care about us or our family's welfare — so we use it sparingly.

2. We mean what we say.

There are plenty of times I say something like "stop bouncing that ball" and immediately wish I hadn't. Because if the kids ignore me then I have to go over there and enforce it, even though I literally just sat down.

But I drag my tired self over there and do it anyway because if I don't, I'll be paying for it forever. I just don't have the energy to spend a half-hour trying to convince kids who are resolutely ignoring me to leave the playground every time for the rest of eternity.

The opposite is also true. If I don't really care if they climb up the slide or run in the hallways, I won't tell them not to. We choose our battles and when we ask them to do or not do something, we mean it.

3. We eat together.

We eat dinner as a family practically every night, and there's one rule: the only things allowed at the table are eating and conversation. No books for our bookworms and no cell phones for anyone else.

My favorite way to get the kids talking about their day is to play Two Truths and a Lie: each kid likes trying to trick everyone, the other kids all like trying to guess the lie, and at the end of it I know two things about their day and use them to start a conversation. If we can hear each other over the low level roar of the other kids, that is.

4. We have a family mentality.

Even though we never did get around to creating that family motto, our kids have a strong sense of belonging to the Evans family.

We go on family hikes. We play family dodgeball and have the somewhat regrettably-named family gun time (Nerf guns, people!) If the kids complain about doing chores around the house, our standard answer is "we all have to work together to help the family."

Also, we don't feel the need to fill up every weekend and school vacation day with playdates. Of course we get to know their friends and invite them over occasionally, but we focus most of our energies on spending time together as a family and having the kids play with their siblings.

5. We expect the best of them.

An 18th century German writer named Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said "The way you see people is how you treat them, and how you treat them is what they become." Parental expectations are huge.

If we overcompensate because we think a child will resent the new baby, or roll our eyes at sibling squabbles like we expect brothers and sisters not to get along, or allow our teenagers to be rude to us because we believe parent-hating is a normal teen rite of passage, we're setting expectations — and kids are pretty good at living up to them.

We've always tried to expect our kids to be forces for good in our family and in the world, and so far, they are.

6. We're actively raising them in our faith.

Not everyone is going to agree with me here, but I'd be making a huge omission if I didn't include our membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in a list of things I'm glad we're doing as we raise our kids. I can't think of any better way to boost their self-esteem than teaching them they're children of God who can always access Jesus' enabling and forgiving power.

At church they're surrounded by a community of people who love them and reinforce the morals we try to teach at home. There's a ready peer group of nice, welcoming kids who are (for the most part) also trying to be good Christians. Church programs encourage them to actively participate in their faith, to improve themselves, be productive, practice leadership and public speaking, show love to their family members, and serve others during a really formative time of their lives. The list goes on.

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One thing I can say for sure is that raising kids is hard. It's easy to get sucked into the day-to-day work of making sure everyone is fed and has clean clothes and rides to basketball practice, but these are 6 of the big-picture things we've more or less successfully done and been glad of it.

If someone asked you what you've done right as a parent, what would you tell them?

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Never Have I Ever...

Disclaimer: This is not the drinking game. This is literally a list of things that I have never in my life done. I got the idea from Amanda over at The Lady Okie and thought it sounded like fun.

While I was brainstorming for this post, I told Phillip, "I'm writing a blog post about things I've never done. Can you think of any?"

Amazingly quickly, he started rattling off suggestions: "Left a restaurant without paying. Purposely ran a red light. Snuck into a movie. Lied to a customs officer.... Wow, we are so boring. We just haven't lived, Jenny."

Well, the red light thing is a lie for me so at least one of us has lived.

Never Have I Ever...

...tasted coffee. "But you're a Latter-day Saint!" you say, "and Latter-day Saints don't drink coffee, so that's cheating!" True. But I wasn't always a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and even before my conversion I never consumed so much as a drop. I always thought coffee smelled like burnt driftwood. Yuck.

...had an earring ripped out. This would hardly be noteworthy except that between 6 kids, I've spent a cumulative total of A DOZEN years with a baby or toddler on my hip, within arm's reach of my earrings. I've had some close calls, but so far both earlobes are still in tact.

...dealt with lice. Also impressive because of the 6 kids. If we ever did have a child come home from school or church with lice, my natural reaction would be to shave everyone's head and burn the house down. From what I hear, this would be roughly the same amount of work as all the washing and combing and bagging and vacuuming you have to do to get rid of lice the traditional way.

Although this is my plan for dealing with it should we fall victim.

...owned a pair of skinny jeans. See this post for why.

...entered an eating contest. However, I once watched my daughter compete in a Fear Factor-type race to eat an entire can of uncooked Spam when she was 9. And she won. And there were adults in the contest.

...seen an episode of Breaking Bad, Orange Is The New Black, The Walking Dead, or Game of Thrones. Or basically any other TV show you can't go 5 minutes without hearing about. This isn't out of principle, though, it's really just because we don't have a TV. It would probably be easier to tell you the shows I've seen than the ones I haven't.

...gotten in a car accident.* I have, however, opened my door into a post, clipped the garage door with the roof of the car, sideswiped the house while pulling into the garage, and backed into a parked car in a parking lot because I was distracted by a temper tantrum over a plastic dinosaur that cost 5 cents. (*with another moving vehicle.)

...done yoga. But this tweet pretty much sums it up.

I've never been to a yoga class, but I've taken 30 minutes to exit a baby's room in slow motion… so I think I've done all the positions.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 19, 2014

...had my eyebrows threaded. Every so often I pass a hair salon in the mall with a sign outside advertising "eyebrow threading." I have no idea what that even means but it sounds terrifying. I don't have to worry about that, though, because I get my hair cut at the kind of place where you don't need an appointment and you pay extra if you want a shampoo first.

Now that I've unloaded some of my "nevers," what about you? Can you say all of these about yourself? What have you never done?

For more "Never Have I Ever," see the second post in this series or play the mom edition below! (I got a 1, which probably isn't good.)

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7 Quick Takes about Detailed Medical Updates, Linguistic Issues We Need to Solve Right Now, and Putting Expensive Textbooks to Work

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

Well, the cold I had over Christmas has turned into a full-blown sinus infection. 

According to Google, sinus infection sufferers can expect to feel 'moderate to severe sinus pain.' Which seems pretty played-down considering that by Monday I was crying and begging my husband to hold a pillow over my face until I stopped struggling.

By Tuesday, I'd taken up snorting salt water in an effort to get some relief. (It works, by the way, but only if you don't accidentally snort too hard and it goes into your lungs. It still clears out your sinuses, but you'll also cough for 10 minutes and then worry about dying from secondary drowning in your bed that night.)

The good news is, my sinus infection is less painful now. The bad news is it's turned into post-nasal drip, which is every bit as disgusting as it sounds.

I can't believe you are still reading this.

—2—

Yesterday it was 55 degrees out and we went to the park with no jackets, but earlier in the week it snowed 4" and everyone went nuts as always.

The parking lot at the grocery store near our house was 100% full of people preparing for the apocalypse. I don't understand. Seriously, how much toilet paper do you need to get through 6 hours of snowfall??

—3—

Confession: I become completely disoriented by the "sign up" and "log in" buttons on websites.

Because there are also sites that say "sign in" which is a mashup of the two and I CANNOT DEAL. I can never remember if I'm signing up or logging in or signing in, and the longer I think about which is which, it's like that scene in Tommy Boy where the words just lose any meaning at all. Road. Ro-aaad.

I have a Bachelor's degree in English and this shouldn't be so hard. The world needs to come to a consensus on a standard wording ASAP.

—4—

Phillip used to keep his grad school textbooks on a shelf in his office to make him look smart (and occasionally look things up, I guess) but at his new job he has no room for them. So they've been sitting in our bedroom for months.

Finally he decided to start paring them down. In the meantime, I'm finding inventive new uses around the house for the ones he wants to keep.

I can't remember where this humidifier came from, but judging by the looks of it I'd say the 1800s.

For instance, I like Applied Linear Statistical Models for keeping the humidifier from rattling at night. Suggestions on what to do with the others are welcome.

—5—

I used my fingernail to slit the sticker sealing the opening of a new canister of baby formula and Phillip, who was watching nearby, said "Wow, you're like Wolverine."

Yes, I'm expecting a recruitment letter from Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters any day now.

—6—

My least favorite parenting mind phenomenon has got to be the one where you're doing something and even though you're vaguely aware of some repetitive noise going on in the background, it takes several more minutes for it to register that (1) the noise shouldn't be happening, and (2) it sounds destructive.

And of course by then it's too late, but you turn around to see the toddler using the detached handle of his wagon to whack a dozen Swiss cheese-like holes into the wall.

There was no logic or discernible motive behind this, just a 2-year-old.

Please tell me this is a thing that happens to other parents.

When his older brother was the same age, I was painting his room and kept hearing an out-of-place noise behind me. When it finally hit me that I'd been hearing it for some time, I turned around and sure enough, there he was, sitting on his bed happily stabbing his mattress with a screwdriver.

Maybe it's just genetic.

—7—

Out of the blue, my 5-year-old told me "We're rich because we have lots of kids!"

Why yes, dear, children are treasures and what a deep philosophical statement for a preschooler to make!

Actually, though, when I asked a few follow-up questions I found out she meant that rich people have a lot of stuff and since we, too, have a lot of something (children) we must also be rich.

So she didn't mean it the same way, but yes, I think having a big family makes us very rich indeed. It was still a good reminder to count my blessings.

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Things Every Mom Has Done At Least A Million Times

Motherhood is many things, but one thing it is NOT is an exercise in moderation. No, as a mom you often find yourself doing the same things over, and over, and over...

If you've been a mom for any appreciable amount of time, you've probably done all of these at least a million times:

1. Picked up the hand towel from the bathroom floor.

2. Discovered someone else's bodily fluid somewhere on your clothes.

3. Carefully arranged trash over something you didn't want the kids to know you threw away.

4. Told the kids "one cookie is enough" and then ate 6 after they left the room.

5. Burned food while multitasking.

6. Replaced a toilet paper roll... using the new roll someone left sitting on top of the empty holder.

7. Had a mental breakdown triggered by the sight of a random sock lying on the floor.

8. Told someone that poop jokes aren't funny (even if that particular one actually was a little funny.)

9. Washed the same load of laundry twice because you forgot to move it to the dryer.

10. Secretly cackled inside your head when you vacuumed up a Lego.

11. Put something in a special place so you wouldn't lose it and then forgot where that place was.

12. Did something your pre-kid self would have found disgusting.

13. Picked up dirty clothes from the floor right next to the hamper.

14. Ignored the voice in your head saying "This is such a cliché" as you ate a candy bar while hiding in the bathroom.

15. Discovered a new system that was going to streamline your family, organize your life, and probably create world peace (it didn't.)

16. Thrown away a carton containing 4 drops of juice from the fridge.

17. Googled "how to clean _________ out of _________."

18. Arbitrated disputes by yelling through the bathroom door.

19. Tried a new parenting technique from the Internet and had no clue what to do when the kids didn't respond like they are supposed to.

20. Put off going to the bathroom while doing child-related stuff for so long you worried about peeing your pants (and possibly did, I'm not judging.)

All of these are things you'll do many times as a mother, sometimes even in the same day. Oh, and you should probably spread trash over that candy bar wrapper in the bathroom garbage. The kids will see.

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If Newborns Were Named What They Look Like, We'd All Be Called 'Alien'

When I was pregnant for the first time, an older and wiser parent told me to wait until after the baby was born to make the final decision on her name because "sometimes, the baby just doesn't look like a [insert your favorite name here]!"

Being clueless first-time parents, we dutifully obeyed. When the big day arrived, we excitedly examined all 7 lbs. of her to find that she looked like... a cross between my grandpa and a raisin.

Lesson learned. If you, too, want to call your newborn what s/he really looks like, here are a few names I recommend:

Alien

From their papery skin to their huge near-black eyes to their freakishly large heads in proportion to their bodies, newborns obviously look like aliens. Notable extraterrestrials you might recognize in your child any member of the Conehead family from Saturday Night Live (shortly after birth) and E.T. (when the delivery room nurse holds up the baby's head and exposes his scrawny neck.)

Slug

Covered in body fluids and vernix, the smooshy newborn human at a few minutes old also closely resembles a garden slug. Don't tell me these shapeless invertebrate blobs don't look just a little bit like newborn babies to you, too. Put them both in cute sleepers and you'd hardly be able tell them apart.

Mr. Magoo

Most newborns, let's face it, look exactly like short, sweet, toothless Mr. Magoo. Both sport the same huge bags under their eyes and eyelids so swollen they can hardly open them. Also, when you try to prop newborns up in the hospital bed to take a picture they schlump down like tiny geriatric patients.

Potato

With their flatted, puffy facial features and no neck, most babies are shaped more like potatoes than people at first. At birth your baby will be the purplish-red color of a French Fingerling; after a few hours she'll turn the healthy pink of a Jewel Yam (unless she develops jaundice, in which case you can expect to see the yellowish hue of a delicious Yukon Gold.)

Gollum

While it's not a particularly flattering comparison, some newborns are just so long and skinny you can't help but make it. If you look objectively at their round eyes, spindly arms, skinny bowed legs, and distended bellies, it's hard not to see Gollum just a little. Sorry.

Shar Pei

With their wrinkly foreheads, haggard expressions, and downy hair covering their backs and shoulders, newborns can also remind you of another lovable household creature: the Shar Pei. Also, both make wonderful companions and attract tons of attention when you take them out for walks.

Winston Churchill

It's no surprise if you give birth to a miniature Winston Churchill. Most newborns share a number of prominent characteristics with the former prime minister, including invisible eyebrows, a pudgy face, and a head full of peach fuzz. If your baby is especially skinny, though, s/he might look more like the "Inconceivable!" guy from The Princess Bride.

And despite all of these completely accurate descriptions of what newborns look like, they really are the cutest things on the planet, anyway. What did you think YOUR babies looked like when they were born?

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7 Quick Takes about Banking Letdowns, Kids Who Do Manual Labor for Fun, and Good Theme Songs for Babies

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

Having kids get older means you do responsible things like take them to open their first bank account. I don't know why it blows my mind that my baby now belongs to a federal credit union, but it does.

While we were waiting in line I realized that my daughter may have never even been in a bank before. I do everything online, and when I occasionally need to visit an actual branch I do it while she's at school.

"Have you ever been in a bank before?"

"No."

"So what do you think?"

"It's less interesting than Gringott's."

Well, yeah. The wizarding bank from Harry Potter is a vast marble hall staffed with goblins and protected by enchantments and fire-breathing dragons. Our bank just has fluorescent overhead lighting and a jar of Dum Dums for the little kids who come in.

—2—

It's been several months since I needed to start supplementing with formula to feed my 8-month-old.

At first I was using up the samples of the brand name formula I brought home from the hospital, and when that ran out I went to CVS and got some of the store brand.

Around that same time he started turning up his nose at bottles. I didn't make the connection until I was given some more name brand samples by a friend... and he drank them happily.

My baby is a brand snob! How did that happen?

Says right here on the label: "all infant formulas sold in the U.S. meet the same FDA requirements."

I've raised 5 other babies before and I've never seen anything like this. Store brand was always good enough for them. Next thing you know he'll be demanding designer onesies and an iPhone 7 to play Peekaboo Barn.

—3—

I'm not sure what happened, but the other day the four oldest kids decided to clear the entire driveway of snow. Nobody asked them, they just did it. And I certainly wasn't going to stop them.

As Phillip and I sipped hot chocolate and watched them out the window, we may or may not have agreed that this is why we had children.

—4—

Have you ever used an online photo site to make a picture into a puzzle?

This Christmas, the baby drew his 10-year-old sister's name for our family gift exchange and decided to make a photo puzzle of the first time she held him in the hospital. (Totally his idea, I just helped.)

Turns out that the puzzle was really hard, especially her polka-dot sweater and her long, loose hair.

As we were struggling with the puzzle she kept saying "Why didn't I wear a different shirt? Why didn't I put my hair up?"

I pointed out she didn't know then that we were going to turn a picture from that day into a puzzle.

Her older sister answered, "When you get ready in the morning your first thought should always be, 'What if someone makes a puzzle out of this moment?'"

That's probably advice that is applicable to all of us, really.

—5—

Over here, we are also having frustrations with girls' workout clothes. Honestly, who decided that LITTLE GIRLS need to look sexy when they exercise?

We went shopping and it seemed like everything in the activewear department was either skin tight or had a microscopic inseam. Or both. My daughter tried a bunch of stuff and said she was just uncomfortable in all of it.

We ended up finding a pair that at least went mid-thigh and hit up the boys' department for a second pair — proving that it is, in fact, possible to play sports in something that doesn't look like a bikini bottom but apparently only for boys.

—6—

I watched the new Ghostbusters movie and enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. Read this review instead of watching the trailer to make your decision; somehow they made the most boring and un-funny trailer ever out of the most fun movie I've watched in a while.

Go see it, and tell them Jenny sent you. (That won't do anything, by the way.)

On a related note to the last take I noticed that even though they were female, the Ghostbusters were able to do their jobs in serviceable jumpsuits that weren't so tight they were painted on or so short their buttcheeks were hanging out.

Still trying to reconcile this with the situation in the girls' activewear department at JC Penney.

—7—

The baby has started getting around with an army crawl, and boy is he fast when he sees a chance to do something he's not supposed to.

Yesterday he clawed his way over to the giant block city the 2- and 5-year-old had built earlier that day and wildly began knocking it down before I could stop him.

My 12-year-old came in just in time to see him scoot over and start smashing, and sang "I came in like a wreeeee-cking baaaaall!" and now I will never hear that song the same way again.

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On Writing Things Down

This is not a post about New Year's Resolutions.

2016 has been a crazy year. A kuh-razy year. If I were a cowboy, 2016 would be the horse I was holding onto for dear life as the saddle slid down around its belly. I started out enjoying the ride but by the end I was just trying my hardest not to get trampled.

I don't know if I'd even fully articulated this thought to myself, or really voiced it in a prayer, but at the back of my mind I knew something needed to change.

I needed to right the saddle and get back on top of my life, so to speak.

At church over the past year, I've occasionally felt this little nudge to do this or that. To explore a piece of my faith a little more. To work on being still and feeling peace. To be patient with myself and with the Lord's timing.

At church a few weeks ago I felt another little nudge: write it down.

Ever since I was a kid I've loved to write things down. I have memories of staring at a blank sheet of paper and feeling this need to fill it up with something.

Even though I'm an adult with a smartphone now, I still feel the need all the time to write things out, physically, on a piece of paper in front of me. Sending myself a text does not count.

When I'm overwhelmed, I grab a piece of paper. When I need to brainstorm, I grab a piece of paper. When something unspecified is bothering me and I need to identify the problem, I grab a piece of paper. I don't know exactly what it is or if there are other people out there like me, but I was built with a direct connection from my dominant hand to my brain.

So duh. Writing as a way to reclaim my life should've been obvious to me, but it wasn't.

I guess that's why I'm asking God for advice instead of the other way around. He prompted me to remember that hardwired hand-to-brain connection I have and use it to write down the spiritual experiences I have and make room for the things that matter most.

When I got home from church that day, I chose a notebook.

This thing is literally 3" by 4".

It occurs to me now that I may have subconsciously chosen the world's tiniest notebook on purpose. My life has been so filled to overflowing that I couldn't imagine squeezing in one more thing, but I was willing to try. I can't take a big blank page in front of me with the responsibility to fill it up right now, but I can handle 3" by 4".

So I basically do three things in my little notebook:

1. I jot down a few notes on what I'm reading, and I try to read every day. Whether it's Deuteronomy or a General Conference talk, I at least mark down a few of my thoughts about it.
2. I write down spiritual feelings or answers to prayers. Especially when I'm prompted to do something or pray for somebody.
3. I gave myself four numbered priorities (God, myself, Phillip, and the kids) and assigned an action to each priority that I can do every day. At the end of each day, I write down how I did on each of those 4 things.

It's been almost three weeks, writing in my little notebook every night for a few minutes before I go to bed. I think it's helping. It keeps me centered and focused. It helps me be accountable for how I'm spending my time and what I'm doing. I even dare say I'm happier.

Maybe at some point I'll feel on top of things enough that I don't need to write a few lines down every day to keep me grounded.

Or maybe I'll just graduate to a bigger notebook.

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