Sunday, May 22, 2016

34 Things I Know for Sure

Today is my birthday: I'm 34.

34 Things I Know for Sure -- Life teaches you certain lessons in 34 years. Like never to sit down on your the toilet in your kids' bathroom without looking first.  {posted @ Unremarkable Filres}
I'm the taller one.

I've learned a lot in my 34 years, including avoiding comparing yourself to others (it's rarely productive and almost always depressing) and how to arbitrate disputes between two preschoolers over who has more (you just break their snacks into an equal number of pieces, voilรก!)

While it's not an exhaustive list, here are 34 other life truths I've discovered in the last 34 years:
  1. Don't overtweeze your eyebrows. One day, they won't come back.
  2. The longer you're married, the better it gets. There's just something magical about being able to discuss your bowel habits with someone who is still attracted to you (and vice versa.)
  3. As you get older, you start discussing things like your bowel habits.
  4. Preventative maintenance on your house and car is not a waste of time.
  5. Drink more water.
  6. The things that make you happiest (sleep, exercise, scripture reading) are often the things you try to squeeze in if there's time after you've done everything else. This is obviously backward.
  7. Never let a preschooler go in a bathroom stall alone unless you're prepared to crawl under the door and get them afterward.
  8. Kegels sound like a joke but they actually do work. 
  9. In hindsight, everything takes on a rose-colored hue. Everything seems simpler "back then."
  10. You never feel old, even when you're an age you once thought was old.
  11. It's impossible to go on Pinterest for just a minute.
  12. Working all day with your hands makes you tired and satisfied; working all day on the computer makes you tired and cranky. Do something in the real world every day.
  13. Kids are mostly oblivious to social niceties and protocol. And they don't flush.
  14. It takes a billion hours to knit a sock. And then you have to knit the other one. Only knit socks for someone you really like.
  15. Don't judge the parenting of people with kids older than yours. You have no idea.
  16. Cheap garbage bags aren't worth it.
  17. Most of the music you loved as a teenager was really terrible.
  18. Left to their own devices, kids will find a way to shower for forty-five minutes, use all the shampoo, and still not get clean.
  19. Sadly, you'll never have as much free time or money as you do in high school.
  20. Fast food really isn't that good.
  21. Kids couldn't care less about what decorations are at their birthday party.
  22. Home improvement projects take twice and long and cost three times as much as you think they will.
  23. Watching your kids play together is the most fun you'll ever have.
  24. Every marriage has hard days, months, or even years.
  25. If you can listen to an impassioned 15-minute monologue about Minecraft without running away screaming, you can do anything.
  26. Baby wipes are more useful in any situation than Swiss Army knives and duct tape combined.
  27. You'll always wonder if you're doing it 'right,' even after you realize that there's not just one 'right' way to do most things.
  28. Other kids' poop and bodily fluids are grosser than your own kid's poop and bodily fluids. They just are.
  29. No matter how organized you are, your house has a random junk drawer. And it's not big enough.
  30. Few things in life require more patience than maintaining your composure when the person you once taught to use a spoon rolls their eyes at you and acts like you know nothing.
  31. Every night after dinner, you will wash more dishes than you own and sweep up more food than you made. I don't know how this works, I only know that it happens.
  32. The trick of loving motherhood is recognizing that every stage can best be described as "too much of a good thing" and enjoying it while it lasts.
  33. Warm homemade bread tastes better than storebought bread by a factor of infinity.
  34. For the rest of my life, punk kids will be saying to me, "Woah, you were born in the 1900s??" And I'm okay with that.

Okay, your turn. You don't have to tell me how old you are, but what's something you know for sure?

34 Things I Know for Sure -- Life teaches you certain lessons in 34 years. Like never to sit down on your the toilet in your kids' bathroom without looking first.  {posted @ Unremarkable Filres}

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The Lady Okie said...

Ha! #28 is so true! And #30 lol :) happy birthday! (I'm turning 30 this summer!)

PurpleSlob said...

Bowel habits- yep! nodding my head.
WAit till they teach YOU something! It's insufferable, the way they rub it in my face!!

Rachel said...

Happy birthday to you!! Love the one about kids' party decor--the kids seriously don't care...but if it makes the party fun for the person throwing it, hey, it's all good.

Kimberly said...

I know for sure many of the things you listed - AND a good marriage is worth more than anything in the world. And - I turned 49 this year right after celebrating 28 years of marriage.

AnneMarie said...

Haha #1 is hilarious-so maybe I live in a cave, but I never really knew that girls tweeze their eyebrows until I was 19 and was on a religious education team with another woman about my age and I saw her tweezing her eyebrows one morning. I'm very minimalist when it comes to matters of personal hygiene (I didn't buy a hair straightener until I was 17, I'm too lazy to wear makeup, etc.), so I was shocked that people actually tweeze their eyebrows haha. #8 is very reassuring, and I appreciate that all of my hard work kegeling these past few months is hopefully going to benefit me! :)

I'm 23, and in these past 2 decades, I've learned lots of things. But one thing that I know for sure is that it's OK to be "that person" who goes through the freezer and finishes off all of the partially full cartons of ice cream. My family is kind of weird, in that growing up, no one ever wanted to be The Person Who Finished the (insert: ice cream, cake, milk, candy, etc.) and there would seriously be cartons of ice cream with just a couple small spoonfuls! But, after years of living like that, I finally realized that it's OK to finish it all off. So, funnily enough, now whenever my husband and I go visit my family, we usually go through the cupboards and freezer and finish off partial containers of cereal and ice cream ;)

jen said...

Happy birthday!

Mine is: naps are wasted on the young.

Unknown said...

Happy 34! A great age. It has been a wonderful age for me for almost 30 years. Love #12.

Budget Splurge Beauty said...

oh gosh this is funny. And pretty accurate. I mean I don't have kids yet but those parts sound accurate. Also I laughed at your caption "I'm the taller one". the only one I DON'T agree with is the music from being a teenager. I will always love all my music. I can't help it. Also I can't agree more with the comment a few above mine. "naps are wasted on the young" THE TRUTH. They don't know what they have.

Jenny Evans said...

I know I just got a lot happier when I realized that decorations are for me and not my child, and are therefore (in my case) optional.

Jenny Evans said...

Congratulations to you! And I definitely agree.

Jenny Evans said...

Families all have their own funny little quirks - and if your family's quirk means you get ice cream, all the better!

Jenny Evans said...

Yes! Why, oh why, is there no rollover plan for all the naps you refused to take as a child??

Jenny Evans said...

The ironic part is, I will always love my 90s music. I love it even while laughing and declaring it terrible. I will listen to it, singing along with every word, until the day I die with my kids going, "Mom! Turn it off!!!!"

Jenny said...

I'm happy to see that I've learned most of these things already. If not by my own experience, now from yours.๐Ÿ˜Š

I've definitely learned that there's no real right way to do the parenting thing. And I do always feel like I'm doing it wrong. But that's the point, every kid (not just the first born) is a lab rat because they are all different and when you think you have thugs down right, you realize that method doesn't work for the others.

Rach said...

I love this list! So much truth here! I'm not a parent yet, but I can see the truth of many of these just from observing our friends and family who do have kids. :)

Michelle said...

The last one!! Hahaha. I love this. Happy Birthday!

AiringMyLaundry said...

Happy Birthday!!

But I do love fast food ;) I think it's delicious.

And I do need to drink more water.

Queen Mom Jen said...

You are one smart 34 year old! I really think a warning should be included on the outside of every pair of tweezers you buy. The more you know and all....

Catherine said...

Happy birthday!
I agree with you on all except no.26 - for me, duct tape beats baby wipes hands down (what else can you use to fix a baritone saxophone AND a toilet flush mechanism?) ;-)
I've just recently realised (at the tender age of 29) that McDonalds is disgusting - and there's something about happy meal toys that makes my kids fight over them.

Jenny Evans said...

We recently discovered that Happy Meal toys make great target practice items for the BB guns Phillip just bought the kids. I think I'm enjoying watching those blasted things get shot way too much.

Unknown said...

Good list Jenny. I'm just going to go ahead and admit right now that I have no idea what kegels are but if they're anything like bagels I'm in. As far as never feeling old - hmm, not sure if being 34 qualifies you to make such a bold statement ;-) There are some bloggers out there who would make my day if they just once instagrammed their random junk drawer. It would just make me feel better about myself. Thanks so much for linking up to #thetruthabout Jenny and belated Happy Birthday!! X

A Strong Coffee said...

Love these! Must remember the Pinterest one, I forget it every time! #thetruthabout