Why I'm Not a Fashion Blogger

When you're a famous blogger like I am, sometimes you receive solicitations from different companies wanting you to lend your celebrity voice to their product.

Earlier this week I got an email from Sam at Invaluable.com, which bills itself as "the world's premiere online auction marketplace for fine and decorative items, including jewelry."

Sam writes, "I'm emailing you because after checking out name of blog, I thought you would be perfect for a project we're running!"

(Okay, so he forgot that this form letter needed a little more personalization and left 'name of blog' in the email, but whatever, I'm still listening.)

He concludes, "We are looking for bloggers, like you, to share the story behind their most prized jewelry. ...Jewelry is timeless, sentimental, and unique to every individual, and is something that should be celebrated! Let me know if you're interested."

Well.

Naturally, I was flattered, but I can't say I was particularly surprised.

I mean, you only need to spend a few minutes on Name of Blog (I mean, Unremarkable Files) before you see that I am All. About. The Bling. I mean, am I ever not talking about jewelry on this blog?

I have a serious jewelry addiction. Phillip has threatened to leave me if I being home one more expensive bracelet, but I can't help myself. I'm just a girl who loves to look pretty. I really take pride in my accessories, you know?

Take, for instance, the luxury watch I'm wearing right now:

This stunning piece is a 100% Chinese-made silicon rubber sports watch, which set me back $1.99 on Amazon. I got it with free shipping and it arrived a month later in a bubble mailer marked "gift" in the customs area, so I'm pretty sure there was something illegal going on.

Nevertheless, it's a sturdy little watch and worth every penny. Even if it does fall behind a few minutes more every day. (P.S: The watch is still available on Amazon, although the price has now increased to $3.30. Just tell them Jenny sent you.)

And of course for a lover of fine jewelry like myself, there's a story behind every other piece I own, too.

I chose to stare pensively off into the distance because I kept ending up looking deranged when I tried a smiling selfie.

I love the look of those intricate gold leaf earrings.

Do you ever pass the jewelry rack at drugstores and wonder who buys those things? That would be me. In fact, these were part of a 3/$10 deal at Rite Aid so I also brought home this lovely necklace.

Can't remember what the third piece was, but I'm sure it was equally gorgeous.

What Sam at Invaluable.com must have seen right away was that accessorizing with beautiful jewelry is just part of who I am, and you can't put a price tag on that. Jewelry is really important to me, and I'm prepared to shell out big bucks for quality:

Why yes, I do believe $4.98 sounds about right for three pairs of earrings.

There's this cute, chunky little number that makes me feel oh-so-fashionable and I got it for free at a yard sale:

These genuine cubic zirconias from Kmart are real show-stoppers wherever I go:

Wowza!

And I think somewhere along the line, these used to be a silver color:

Embrace the tarnish. This is what life looks like now.

(However, they're still my favorites and I wear them regularly, quite happily pretending it looks like there are chic silver loops dangling from my earlobes instead of rusty fishing lures.)

But I think my favorite piece of all was handcrafted for me personally by my second child when she was in kindergarten.

Hooked on Phonics worked for me!

After looking at what I might tell Sam at Invaluable.com about my jewelry collection, maybe he doesn't want to hear from me, after all.

The problem is that I'm just too practical to own much jewelry, anyway. What's the point? Both you and I know that any jewelry I do attempt to wear is immediately going to be removed, played with, and probably broken by one of my kids.

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