Tuesday, April 21, 2015

If Adults Acted Like Babies, People Would Think We Were Insane

If Adults Acted Like Babies, People Would Think We Were Insane -- Yeah I think my baby is smart, but I think acting like him for a day would be a one-way ticket to the loony bin.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
How am I supposed to see
what's in this bucket when it's so dark?!
Everyone thinks their baby is the smartest little genius (of course you're wrong, mine is) but a few days ago, a new thought occurred to me.

As I watched him press the on/off button on the printer and cackle maniacally every time for several minutes, I realized that really, if adults acted like babies, we'd be committed to a mental institution in less than a week.

If you don't believe me, try the following and see what happens:
  1. Stare mesmerized at a ceiling fan for 10 minutes.
  2. Pull out a novel while waiting at the dentist's office and gnaw on the corner.
  3. Hug inanimate objects.
  4. If you see anyone around you wearing glasses, yank them off immediately.
  5. Let the waiter know you're ready for the check by smearing the rest of your food in your hair.
  6. Stick your fingers in people's eyes and nostrils when you talk to them.
  7. Make the same one-syllable noise 20 times in a row for no discernible reason. 
  8. Scream for fun.
  9. Lower yourself into a relaxing bath and splash until the entire bathroom is dripping.
  10. At the dinner table, suddenly start headbanging like you're at a Pearl Jam concert  when there's no music playing.
  11. Suck on your own toes in public.
  12. Don't spit out food you don't like, just push it out with your tongue and let it roll down the front of your shirt onto the floor.
  13. Lie on your back and contemplate the mysteries of your outstretched hands for a really, really long time.
  14. Pick up random inedible objects you see on the sidewalk and pop them in your mouth.
  15. Drool a lot.
  16. If you accidentally spill your drink, start slapping the puddle with your palm.
  17. When you look into the bathroom mirror, laugh at your reflection and try to kiss it.
  18. Unravel a whole roll of toilet paper for no particular reason.
  19. Bang on pots and pans with a wooden spoon while cooking dinner; laugh if anyone asks you to stop.
  20. Climb into the cabinet under the sink and cry because you're stuck there.
  21. If you're standing really close to someone wearing dangly earrings in the elevator, lean over and chew on them.
  22. When your mother calls, push the phone away from your ear so you can look at it. Remain totally silent.
  23. Shake your head furiously back and forth, even if no one has asked you a question.
  24. When you notice your co-worker on her computer, enter her cubicle and smash your fists on the keyboard.
  25. If you drop an object, pointedly say "uh oh" to the person beside you. When they pick it up and hand it to you, giggle and throw it down again.
  26. Eat paper.
  27. When your spouse asks you a question, respond with a nonsensical outburst and bounce up and down  or completely ignore them. 
  28. Wave hello and goodbye to everyone, all the time, even when no one is coming or going.
  29. When UPS delivers a package to your house, toss aside the objects in the box so you can sit in it.
  30. If something doesn't appear to be working correctly, freak out and throw yourself screaming to the floor.

After this little experiment, leave me a note in the comments and let me know where you've been committed. I'll write to you, although you'll probably just eat my letters.

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Unremarkable Files


Unknown said...

Haha fab post! It's so true they are completely mental! I would love to have a go at the tantrum thing now and then tho! Haha xx #wickedwednesdays

Unknown said...

Lol that tag should be #sharewithme! The pic looked like a #wickedwednesdays on hehe!!

Unknown said...

Haha, brilliant. This made me disturb my colleagues with me chuckles. Thanks! I'm off to the teacher's room to gnaw on a book.


Unknown said...

Brilliant. I just did that uncomfortable snort and shake thing on the bus where you try not to laugh! I'm going to wait until my friend arrived at work and bang my fist repeatedly on her keyboard. She's heavily pregnant so she had better get used to it.

Jenny Evans said...

Best to break her in now so it doesn't come as such a shock after the baby comes.

Jenny Evans said...

Sometimes I think about losing it like a 10-month-old when I'm frustrated and just seeing how it feels.

Louise said...

lol this is brilliant and so very true. Think it would be quite fun to try doing some of these but agree that if adults did them
people would think we were crazy!

Unknown said...

Some of these sounds like fun. I wish I could do them without looking crazy. I would hug trees and scream just because I can. The joy of being a kid. Sigh.

Pennies Add Up said...

I was thinking of peeing on the floor even though I'm quite capable of using a potty; did I go too far?

mama'sVIB said...

Ha ha … all so true! What a brilliant funny post week done #sharewithme

Unknown said...

Number 12 made me LOL! Great list here. The last one is something I do myself haha! #sharewithme

miep said...

Haha, Love this post! I have to say, I do feel like doing some of these things once in a while. Haven't been commited yet. Maybe it's because I usually blame the kids. "we're just palying".

Anonymous said...

Ha ha so true so true! #sharewithme

Jo of Jo's Nursery said...

ROFL! #sharewithme

Motherhood: The Real Deal said...

Love this and totally agree- have often thought that if they were adults they would have been sectioned by now. #sharewithme


jeremy@thirstydaddy said...

very funny! great list

Purfylle said...

I wonder how many of these I could actually squeeze into a week before any one said anything? You certainly gave me a laugh!

Jenny Evans said...

They're also convenient excuses for getting off the phone, cancelling plans you didn't want to have, and being late for everything. Not that I would ever do that.

Becky said...

Haha, love this list! The first one stood out for me as when Freddie was a baby he used to stare at my in-laws ceiling fan for AGES, absolutely loved it! #sharewithme

Erin Vincent said...

I love this!!!! I had a great laugh. So true! Thanks for sharing :-)

mothers shadow said...

Jenny, you always have a witty way of writing that I enjoy so much. A great fun read. I featured this post on my FB and ca't wait to see what you bring to the Wonderful Wed. Blog Hop next week.

Anonymous said...

You are a joy to read! I am still giggling from the last one (why I am late from church) and now I am giggling some more. #sharewithme

Katy (What Katy Said) said...

This is just the funniest post ever! I especially love the first sentence! Make me laugh out loud! xx

Let's Talk Mommy said...

Hahaha this made me laugh. I love it. I would love to act like my toddlers for a day. I would be thrown in the loony bin. hahaha Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

Unknown said...

Thank you for my much-needed laugh! :) Sometimes I find myself just staring bewilderedly at my 3-year-old wondering what could have possibly possessed him to do some of the crazy things he does! :)

Brie @ A Slice of Brie said...

Hahahaha, I'm laughing so hard, tears are streaming down my face. And my husband is looking over at me like I'm crazy. Thanks for this! My 14 month old does many of these things and they definitely make me laugh on a daily basis :)

Spidermummy said...

Oh fab, this post really cheered me right up, very funny! I particularly love #22 - they really always do that don't they!!! xx

Unknown said...

Oh that really made me laugh Jenny! Babies are crazy people! Some of the images that conjured up are really hilarious - thanks for that :-) X #thetruthabout

Unknown said...

Haha, fab post, I often think this when my toddler is doing something particularly daft. I'd never get away with it xx

Meredith said...

Haha! I have a very similar post I wrote a while back called, "How to act like a crazy person. Or in other words, a kid" Loved reading your baby list! :)

Jenny Evans said...

Love it! I'll have to go look that one up!