Friday, August 24, 2018

7 Quick Takes about Eye Conditions You Can't Take Seriously, Getting Stabby with Crayolas, and Kids Who Take an Active Role in Protecting Your Property

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


During the summer, we often send our older kids to see my parents in Minnesota if we can't all make it there for a visit.

When minors fly alone, it's quite a production. They get special bar coded bracelets at ticketing. I have to sign a bazillion forms including a description of their clothing. Then I have to accompany them through security and hand them to a flight attendant at the gate.

As you can imagine, my 14-year-old was not happy about being tagged like cattle and treated like a baby. As we approached security and were told that everyone age 14 and up had to remove her shoes, I tried to cheer her up: "Hey, they may not think you can get to Gate A16 on your own, but at least they suspect you might be able to blow up the plane!"

As for me, I really enjoyed it. It was all the fun of going to the airport without the hassle of actually being on vacation! Wait a minute.

2


Last week I started to notice some swelling and redness under my eye. It looked like I'd been punched, although I was pretty sure I hadn't been. Then my eyelid started hurting, and I discovered a stye inside my eyelid. A few days later, the same thing started happening in my other eye, too.

I Googled it and am 90% sure I know what's going on. I have an eye condition called blepharitis.

It's painful and ugly but I can't say it without laughing. Just try it. Turn to the person next to you and say with a completely straight face, "Bad news, I have blepharitis." You can't do it.

Neither can I.

3


I may be a terrible gardener, but I've been out in the yard a lot this week working like a dog trying to pull out some invasive vines that made their way in when I wasn't looking.

When I came in from pulling vines completely overheated, sweaty, and disgusting, Phillip gave me the side-eye and asked "Why do they always make it look attractive in the movies when a girl is all hot and sweaty?"

He was more thinking out loud than asking.

And while I was flattered, I also kind of wondered that myself. Who was the first person to look at a red-faced woman with soggy pits and perspiration matted in her hair and think "Oh yeah, we could make that sexy on film."

4


At playgroup my 6-year-old started doing an adult coloring page, so I went over to the table, grabbed one for myself, and joined her.

Apparently, adult coloring is very ill-suited to my Type A personality.

I want progress! I want results! A page that is so intricate I can color forever and have practically nothing to show for it makes me want to scream. It's like a hamster wheel for adults.

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
This took half an hour. Or at least it felt like it.

Just as my frustration was reaching peak levels and I was about to stab somebody with a marker, someone walked past and commented, "Aren't those relaxing?"

Um, yeah. Totally.

5


I don't often get jealous of people (with the exception of writers who I feel are more hilarious than me) but I do get jealous of couples who leisurely do their grocery shopping together.

I can't remember the last time I wandered through the produce aisle with Phillip without a care in the world, but it's now become my life's goal. When that happens, I'll know I've arrived at the good life.

Not to say I don't enjoy my children. I just don't enjoy trying to cram cilantro in a produce bag while three of them run through the aisles manhandling the peaches and standing on the cart leaning so far back they get beheaded by someone going in the opposite direction.

On such a trip this week, I spotted one of those couples and felt a keen pang of jealousy. True, the woman was obviously 9 months pregnant and waddling so slowly she was almost not moving. Didn't matter. Still jealous.

6


Earlier this week I wrote a post called Honest Slogans for Parenting Products, and while I hope you'll go read it because I think it's funny, what you really need to know is that when writing the post I went to a stock photo site to look for pictures of a Moby wrap, searched "baby carrier," and got this:

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Close, but not exactly what I was looking for.

7


Our house has a security system, a relic of the previous homeowner. We keep it turned off, but every time the power flickers or goes out, the alarm randomly goes off scaring the crap out of us and bothering most of the neighborhood because there's also a big siren on the outside of the house.

This week Phillip finally removed the circuit board, so I suppose I should say our house had a security system.

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

At this point we're just not worried about people breaking in. The kids make such a mess that the place usually looks like it's been ransacked; if a break-in ever did occur the thieves would take one look around and leave, figuring someone else already beat them to it.

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5 comments:

  1. I did think the previous post was hilarious, especially the description of sippy cups. Don't know how they get by with still claiming to be "spill proof." Shouldn't it be "spill resistant" or something? But technically in the pic the woman is carrying baby in a ring sling, not a wrap. At least you didn't go with the basket.:)

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    1. Since those were my options, I'm glad to hear I picked right.

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  2. I grew up in a family of 8 kids. If a burglar broke in our house he'd think Kevin McCalister set up a bunch of traps and head right back out.

    In fact, I think my mom said something about her living room always booby trapped with Hotwheels.

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    Replies
    1. You're right! Just this morning I ran straight into a baby doll cradle my kids pulled into the middle of the room in the dark. My life is Home Alone and I'm Joe Pesci.

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  3. I'm a stye getter myself. Grossness!

    Sexy gardening? What the hecks going on in your state?! ;)

    ReplyDelete