If you're a parent, you're also a marketer.
You call chores a "game" or a "race" and suddenly your kids are fighting over the vacuum. You announce Stuffed Zucchini Night by saying "Yay! Pizza boats for dinner!" (which may or may not work, but at least you tried.) You have the ability to get kids excited about a trip to the post office using nothing but a hyper-enthusiastic voice.
Basically, we're liars so our kids will buy what we're selling.
And that is why it's especially ironic that advertisers use our own tricks to sell us the parenting products we use every day. If we dropped the pretenses and companies were completely honest with us, we might start hearing slogans like these:
Band-Aids: Fine. Whatever. I can't even see it, but there. NOW does your leg feel better?
Baby Einstein Videos: You'll love this series of random objects set to Beethoven on the marimba that will keep your child quiet for 27 minutes.
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Sophie the Giraffe: Like catnip, but for babies.
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photo credit Your Best Digs |
Baby Gate: You'll get hurt every time you go through it and your spouse will never learn how to open it!
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Kraft Mac & Cheese: Because sometimes you're tired.
Toddler Art Easel: Mocking you silently from the corner while you scrub crayon off the wall.
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Baby Swing: The only place any baby has ever slept.
Swaddler: Like a straitjacket, but with pictures of duckies.
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Sippy Cup: No library book or important document is safe from our loose interpretation of the phrase "spill-proof."
Moby Wrap: Sometimes you just feel like doing a very complicated ribbon dance in public.
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Bib: Prevent 6 square inches of your child's shirt from getting as disgusting as the rest of them.
Bedside Co-sleeper: For decorative purposes only. Babies sleep horizontally with a foot in your trachea.
Baby Socks: New parents, meet your nemesis.
Slime: Seasoned parents, meet your nemesis.
Slime: Seasoned parents, meet your nemesis.
Inflatable Kiddie Pool: Pops after 10 minutes! Guaranteed to make your child have to poop!
Then we'd know exactly what it is we're buying. Just don't tell it to the kids.
What other honest parenting product slogans would you add to the list?

2 comments:
So true! I was laughing at all, but especially loved slime, Moby wrap and the jogging stroller.
I am too old to know what magic is Sophie the Giraffe?!
I'm too old, too. Or at least my kids are. We've never owned Sophie the Giraffe but it's a teething toy I've seen all of my younger parent friends with and I think you're legally required to own before they let you leave the hospital with a baby now.
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