|I'm the taller one.|
I've learned a lot in my 34 years, including avoiding comparing yourself to others (it's rarely productive and almost always depressing) and how to arbitrate disputes between two preschoolers over who has more (you just break their snacks into an equal number of pieces, voilá!)
While it's not an exhaustive list, here are 34 other life truths I've discovered in the last 34 years:
- Don't overtweeze your eyebrows. One day, they won't come back.
- The longer you're married, the better it gets. There's just something magical about being able to discuss your bowel habits with someone who is still attracted to you (and vice versa.)
- As you get older, you start discussing things like your bowel habits.
- Preventative maintenance on your house and car is not a waste of time.
- Drink more water.
- The things that make you happiest (sleep, exercise, scripture reading) are often the things you try to squeeze in if there's time after you've done everything else. This is obviously backward.
- Never let a preschooler go in a bathroom stall alone unless you're prepared to crawl under the door and get them afterward.
- Kegels sound like a joke but they actually do work.
- In hindsight, everything takes on a rose-colored hue. Everything seems simpler "back then."
- You never feel old, even when you're an age you once thought was old.
- It's impossible to go on Pinterest for just a minute.
- Working all day with your hands makes you tired and satisfied; working all day on the computer makes you tired and cranky. Do something in the real world every day.
- Kids are mostly oblivious to social niceties and protocol. And they don't flush.
- It takes a billion hours to knit a sock. And then you have to knit the other one. Only knit socks for someone you really like.
- Don't judge the parenting of people with kids older than yours. You have no idea.
- Cheap garbage bags aren't worth it.
- Most of the music you loved as a teenager was really terrible.
- Left to their own devices, kids will find a way to shower for forty-five minutes, use all the shampoo, and still not get clean.
- Sadly, you'll never have as much free time or money as you do in high school.
- Fast food really isn't that good.
- Kids couldn't care less about what decorations are at their birthday party.
- Home improvement projects take twice and long and cost three times as much as you think they will.
- Watching your kids play together is the most fun you'll ever have.
- Every marriage has hard days, months, or even years.
- If you can listen to an impassioned 15-minute monologue about Minecraft without running away screaming, you can do anything.
- Baby wipes are more useful in any situation than Swiss Army knives and duct tape combined.
- You'll always wonder if you're doing it 'right,' even after you realize that there's not just one 'right' way to do most things.
- Other kids' poop and bodily fluids are grosser than your own kid's poop and bodily fluids. They just are.
- No matter how organized you are, your house has a random junk drawer. And it's not big enough.
- Few things in life require more patience than maintaining your composure when the person you once taught to use a spoon rolls their eyes at you and acts like you know nothing.
- Every night after dinner, you will wash more dishes than you own and sweep up more food than you made. I don't know how this works, I only know that it happens.
- The trick of loving motherhood is recognizing that every stage can best be described as "too much of a good thing" and enjoying it while it lasts.
- Warm homemade bread tastes better than storebought bread by a factor of infinity.
- For the rest of my life, punk kids will be saying to me, "Woah, you were born in the 1900s??" And I'm okay with that.
Okay, your turn. You don't have to tell me how old you are, but what's something you know for sure?