|How am I supposed to see |
what's in this bucket when it's so dark?!
As I watched him press the on/off button on the printer and cackle maniacally every time for several minutes, I realized that really, if adults acted like babies, we'd be committed to a mental institution in less than a week.
If you don't believe me, try the following and see what happens:
- Stare mesmerized at a ceiling fan for 10 minutes.
- Pull out a novel while waiting at the dentist's office and gnaw on the corner.
- Hug inanimate objects.
- If you see anyone around you wearing glasses, yank them off immediately.
- Let the waiter know you're ready for the check by smearing the rest of your food in your hair.
- Stick your fingers in people's eyes and nostrils when you talk to them.
- Make the same one-syllable noise 20 times in a row for no discernible reason.
- Scream for fun.
- Lower yourself into a relaxing bath and splash until the entire bathroom is dripping.
- At the dinner table, suddenly start headbanging like you're at a Pearl Jam concert — when there's no music playing.
- Suck on your own toes in public.
- Don't spit out food you don't like, just push it out with your tongue and let it roll down the front of your shirt onto the floor.
- Lie on your back and contemplate the mysteries of your outstretched hands for a really, really long time.
- Pick up random inedible objects you see on the sidewalk and pop them in your mouth.
- Drool a lot.
- If you accidentally spill your drink, start slapping the puddle with your palm.
- When you look into the bathroom mirror, laugh at your reflection and try to kiss it.
- Unravel a whole roll of toilet paper for no particular reason.
- Bang on pots and pans with a wooden spoon while cooking dinner; laugh if anyone asks you to stop.
- Climb into the cabinet under the sink and cry because you're stuck there.
- If you're standing really close to someone wearing dangly earrings in the elevator, lean over and chew on them.
- When your mother calls, push the phone away from your ear so you can look at it. Remain totally silent.
- Shake your head furiously back and forth, even if no one has asked you a question.
- When you notice your co-worker on her computer, enter her cubicle and smash your fists on the keyboard.
- If you drop an object, pointedly say "uh oh" to the person beside you. When they pick it up and hand it to you, giggle and throw it down again.
- Eat paper.
- When your spouse asks you a question, respond with a nonsensical outburst and bounce up and down — or completely ignore them.
- Wave hello and goodbye to everyone, all the time, even when no one is coming or going.
- When UPS delivers a package to your house, toss aside the objects in the box so you can sit in it.
- If something doesn't appear to be working correctly, freak out and throw yourself screaming to the floor.
After this little experiment, leave me a note in the comments and let me know where you've been committed. I'll write to you, although you'll probably just eat my letters.