7 Quick Takes about Online Banking as an Ecstatic Experience, Surprise House Paintings, and Wearing a Banana Costume to the Zoo

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

So I happened to see this ad in the paper, and I'm obviously using the wrong bank because these people are having a way better time checking their balance than I typically do.

The pinnacle of human experience and  overdraft protection!

I realize the advertisers probably didn't hand two models a Motorola and say "Pretend like you're banking."

They most likely grabbed a stock photo of "happy people on a smartphone" and used that, but I still just can't look at this ad without laughing. The first pump is too much for me.

—2—

On Monday I wrote a parody piece called "6 Fall Knits that Look Great with Your Kid's Snot on the Shoulder" and as sometimes happens in writer land, hit 'publish' and watched it not do very well.

Maybe people thought it was a real style guide and skimmed right on past.

In writing that parody article, though, I had to look at a few actual style guides from fancy places like Harper's Bazaar, where I realized that "style guide" is actually code for "ugly clothes that are ridiculously expensive."

It's basically a line-up trying to convince you it would be totally okay to buy an $350 pair of Aztec-patterned leggings.

It is not, FYI.

—3—

It's time to re-paint the exterior of our house, so we've been gathering quotes from different house painting companies for the last few weeks.

Then we got an email from one of them saying our paint job was scheduled for Monday, which was a total surprise to us seeing as we hadn't contracted with them or signed any agreement with them.

We called the company to gently remind them that "um, we didn't actually hire you yet," but for future reference, if this happens again and we just don't say anything, we get a free house painting, right?

I mean, if someone just shows up uninvited and paints your house as a surprise...

I was almost sad making the call telling them not to come, because I think it would be fun not to know what color house you'd come home to at the end of the day. But maybe that's just me.

—4—

My 10-year-old showed me this book he got from Grandma:

"The biggest, fastest, grossest, tiniest, slowest, and smelliest creatures on the planet," I read out loud, handing it back to him. "About half of those live here."

Phillip also pointed out that putting the author's names just below the "slowest and smelliest" bit didn't exactly put them in the most flattering light, and though I hadn't noticed it before, I had to agree.

—5—

Since Grandma is here for a visit, I made the executive decision to take the kids out of school and go to the zoo for the day. Being kind of a cold and cloudy weekday, we basically had the place to ourselves.

I realize this probably means I'm getting old and boring, but I really liked the informational plaques because they were more readable and interesting than the ones you usually see at zoos.

At the rhino enclosure, I read that a group of rhinos is called a "crash" just in time to see not one, but two of my children almost toppling headfirst over a railing out of the corner of my eye (not into the enclosure, just into a ditch with some bushes on the other side.)

From this point forward, I will definitely be referring to my kids as a crash of Evanses.

—6—

The zoo currently has a promotion where kids wearing a Halloween costume get in free, so of course we dressed them up to save a million dollars.

As soon as we got in, the kids started complaining loudly, "Can I take my costume off?!"

"Shhh!" I hissed, "Wait until we're out of sight of the ticket lady!"

Because, apparently, I was worried that she was so personally invested in the promotion that if she saw the kids remove their costumes she'd immediately jump the turnstile and taser them.

Thank goodness we avoided that by getting a few hundred feet between us first.

—7—

One of the kids, however, didn't want to to take off his his costume. He wore it the entire time, which was especially comical in front of the monkey cages.



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