Wednesday, March 22, 2017

12 Things Parents Forget that Normal People Do

Nothing changes you more drastically than having children: good in some ways (free hugs all day!) and not-so-good in others (more bodily functions than you can shake a stick at.)

Once you've become a parent, it doesn't take long before you actually start to forget what normal people do. You know, the sort of things you used to do before having kids of your own.

Now that I’m a parent, I’ve forgotten a lot of things from my life before kids. Do people really get to sleep all night? Rest when they’re sick? Have privacy when they poop? This hilarious look at the differences between mom life and life without kids is so true! #parentinghumor #funny

You forget that normal people...

Close the door when they pee. Using the bathroom with the door open is better than listening to your kids hammering on it the whole time, and it's also easier to hear if they're in the other room making a huge mess or killing each other.

Sleep through the night. You expect to be a zombie with a newborn, but what you don't know is that you'll still be up taking care of nightmares and wet sheets for years after that. You can't truly sleep through the night until your youngest is 7 or 8  and by then, you've forgotten how.

Have conversations on the phone. Everyone who calls thinks you have Tourettes, but instead of curse words you burst out yelling "Don't lick that!" and "Stop touching her!" On a related note, you've also given up all hope of ever being understood by an automated voice menu.

Remain seated for an entire meal. Some people eat complete meals without even once getting up to refill a sippy cup. Or pick up a sippy cup from the floor. Or fetch a sippy cup in a more acceptable color.  Or take away a sippy cup someone keeps knocking over on purpose.

Parents spend so much time doing weird things (like trying to dislodge a plastic parrot from a dollhouse toilet) that we don't even know what's normal anymore.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Don't get together with their friends and talk about poop. What do childless people even talk about with each other? Before kids, you never knew how much there was to say about poop.

Have a life after 8 PM. After the kids go down, you count the day as over. If the phone rings at 8:15, you exclaim "Who could be calling so late?!" and assume that someone must have died.

Wear real pants. Once you have kids, yoga pants are the new business casual. And if you're not going anywhere that day... straight-up pajamas.

Have nice stuff. Everything you own is scratched, dented, chipped, and drawn on. If you have anything breakable, it's broken. And yet, you hear that some people not only own fragile Christmas ornaments, they put them all over the tree, even at the bottom. That's madness.

Parents spend so much time doing weird things (like trying to dislodge a plastic parrot from a dollhouse toilet) that we don't even know what's normal anymore.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Eat dessert openly. Remember the days when you didn't have to eat a treat hiding in the pantry or locked in the bathroom? Now "dessert" means sneaking bites of a donut tucked behind the breadbox and lying if the kids catch you chewing.

Rest when they're sick. Sorry, but you still have to drag yourself out of your deathbed to make lunch for people who are apparently "starving" since their last snack 27 minutes ago. Which you also had to make.

Wear something more than once before washing it. By the end of the day, you've been used as a human Kleenex, bib, and napkin for 12 hours and your clothes look exactly like that sounds. 

Make a quick trip to the store for a single item. Getting everyone in and out of their car seats and into the store takes at least a half hour, so unless you're out of a medication without which someone will definitely die before morning, it can wait until your next regularly scheduled shopping trip.

The parent life is quite a change from your pre-kid life, so much that you forget what a pre-kid life even looks like. And you wouldn't trade it for all the secret chocolate hidden on top of the fridge in the world.
Now that I’m a parent, I’ve forgotten a lot of things from my life before kids. Do people really get to sleep all night? Rest when they’re sick? Have privacy when they poop? This hilarious look at the differences between mom life and life without kids makes me laugh! #parentinghumor #funny

Now that I’m a parent, I’ve forgotten a lot of things from my life before kids. Do people really get to sleep all night? Rest when they’re sick? Have privacy when they poop? This hilarious look at the differences between mom life and life without kids makes me laugh! #parentinghumor #funny
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29 comments:

Jeremy Barnes said...

I don't think my wife and I had a full conversation that didn't at some point talk about poop for the first two years

PaxEtBonum said...

Yes, yes, yes!!!!

Unknown said...

After my six kids grew up, I still left the bathroom door open, because it felt claustrophobic with it shut.
"By the end of the day, you've been used as a human Kleenex, bib, and napkin for 12 hours and your clothes look exactly like that sounds." I have never heard such a good description of what happens to a mom's clothes every day!
When I no longer had young children at church, I couldn't sit for the whole service any more, I was so used to going out for noisy child, thirsty child, diaper change for child, bathroom break for child, etc.

Amanda said...

Unfortunately I do have to dress in real clothes for work, so I can't fully embrace the daily yoga pants, but I hear it's magical. But I do eat dessert in hiding! Or after she's asleep ;)

Jenny Evans said...

Wow, I thought that was just me! I get really antsy in church too on the off-chance that no one needs to get up and move around for the whole meeting.

Jenny Evans said...

I don't think any couple ever has!

Monica Booth said...

Normal people clean their patio door windows when they get dirty. My husband and I noticed the other day that it's been so long since we've cleaned that window, that there are hand prints of multiple sizes from my one child lol. We decided to leave it as it was so we can keep seeing his tiny handprints grow :)

(and yes, I will eventually clean it)

Amber Bell said...

Ha! My life in a nutshell.

AnneMarie said...

Haha! Yes to all of these-and I only have one kid, so I haven't even experienced much yet. Just earlier this evening, after my husband put Peter down for the night, I was thinking about how funny it is that just a couple years ago, I would totally go out and do stuff with people late at night, but now if he's in bed and it's 9 p.m., there is no way that I'm doing anything other than eating ice cream and reading books and surfing the web.
I've also been thinking lately that I feel kind of bad for all of my single friends, because at a brunch after Mass a few weeks ago, a lot of the conversation revolved around baby poop, thanks to me. I guess I'm just preparing all of them for eventual parenthood if and when they get married!

Jenny Evans said...

I feel like I still need to hide after they're asleep because you never know when they'll pop out of bed asking for water or something ridiculous. You should see their little faces if they catch us on the couch eating ice cream after they're in bed!

Jenny Evans said...

It's like scrapbooking for the busy mom. I like it!

PurpleSlob InRecovery said...

Yep!!
Thank God for being an Omie, so I can get the occasional nap!!

Jennifer Humphries said...

I have exactly one pair of jeans to wear when I need to be fancy... Ah, how how things change!

Caroline Elliott said...

Brilliant list and so so accurate! Xxx #thetruthabout

thesingleswan said...

Brilliant and so true. Every single one of these points is so true. I experience all of the above with one child. I can only imagine what it must be like multiplied by 6. Pen x #thetruthabout

Layla said...

Its not until you put it like this that I see how many changes we actually have to go through as parents. I love that picture of your baby. Butter wouldn't melt, eh? I remember going round to my cousin's house last Christmas (she had a two year old and a newborn at the time) and being astonished that she had glass decorations - low down! - on the real tree. Of course one of them was smashed before we left (probably my kids' fault :-) ) She'll learn! X #thetruthabout

Sara Murray said...

Love this, it's all so true! So true :) #truthabout

Victoria Welton said...

Oh my goodness, you are SO right about all of this - and I am about to go through it all again!! #TheTruthAbout

Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) said...

Oh this is brilliant - I can relate to all of these! I also think calling after 8pm is now calling "late at night" and I long for the day when I can sit and eat a meal without getting up multiple times. I also have a tendency to leave the bathroom door open now because it is easier but it can be very embarrassing if I'm on auto-pilot with the bathroom door and I have guests in the house - thankfully it's just been near-misses and I've remembered to shut it before I'm seen! #thetruthabout

Jenny Evans said...

Good luck!

Jenny Evans said...

At least she had a toddler too so no one could definitively prove who was at fault.

Barrie Bismark said...

Yep to all of these! My life to a T! Funny post.
#fridayfrolics

Nicole - Tales from Mamaville said...

Ah, I agree with every point you've listed. Life changes 360 degrees post kids, but as you said, all so worth it!!!
#FridayFrolics

Life Love and Dirty Dishes said...

I don't think I've had a conversation with friends that involved eye contact for years. My eyes are always on my mini monsters and the havoc they are creating! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

Island Living 365 said...

I have forgotten what it feels like to eat a meal sat down and without having to defend my plate of food from thieving little hands! #FridayFrolics

Audrey Humaciu said...

Yes, Yes Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People are shocked that I go to bed at 9pm. I spawned an early riser (5 am is the norm), it is purely self defense.


Thanks so much for sharing with us on #FridayFrivolity.

Jenny Evans said...

Best not to take your eyes off of them. You'd probably be sorry.

Jenny Evans said...

I wish I could go to bed at 9. I have just been really tired for the last decade!

Silly Mummy said...

Haha - yes! The land of closed doors and seated meals is a magical far off land to parents. It's Narnia. Those things happen in Narnia. Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics