Monday, January 16, 2017

Never Have I Ever...

Disclaimer: This is not the drinking game. This is literally a list of things that I have never in my life done. I got the idea from Amanda over at The Lady Okie and thought it sounded like fun.

While I was brainstorming for this post, I told Phillip, "I'm writing a blog post about things I've never done. Can you think of any?"

Amazingly quickly, he started rattling off suggestions: "Left a restaurant without paying. Purposely ran a red light. Snuck into a movie. Lied to a customs officer.... Wow, we are so boring. We just haven't lived, Jenny."

Well, the red light thing is a lie for me so at least one of us has lived.

Never Have I Ever...

...tasted coffee. "But you're a Latter-day Saint!" you say, "and Latter-day Saints don't drink coffee, so that's cheating!" True. But I wasn't always a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and even before my conversion I never consumed so much as a drop. I always thought coffee smelled like burnt driftwood. Yuck.

...had an earring ripped out. This would hardly be noteworthy except that between 6 kids, I've spent a cumulative total of A DOZEN years with a baby or toddler on my hip, within arm's reach of my earrings. I've had some close calls, but so far both earlobes are still in tact.

...dealt with lice. Also impressive because of the 6 kids. If we ever did have a child come home from school or church with lice, my natural reaction would be to shave everyone's head and burn the house down. From what I hear, this would be roughly the same amount of work as all the washing and combing and bagging and vacuuming you have to do to get rid of lice the traditional way.

Play the funny parenting edition of Never Have I Ever! I've never have a kid come home with lice, but this is my plan if one does. What's your score? #fun #funny #parenting #parentinghumor #momlife #unremarkablefiles
Although this is my plan for dealing with it should we fall victim.

...owned a pair of skinny jeans. See this post for why.

...entered an eating contest. However, I once watched my daughter compete in a Fear Factor-type race to eat an entire can of uncooked Spam when she was 9. And she won. And there were adults in the contest.

...seen an episode of Breaking Bad, Orange Is The New Black, The Walking Dead, or Game of Thrones. Or basically any other TV show you can't go 5 minutes without hearing about. This isn't out of principle, though, it's really just because we don't have a TV. It would probably be easier to tell you the shows I've seen than the ones I haven't.

...gotten in a car accident.* I have, however, opened my door into a post, clipped the garage door with the roof of the car, sideswiped the house while pulling into the garage, and backed into a parked car in a parking lot because I was distracted by a temper tantrum over a plastic dinosaur that cost 5 cents. (*with another moving vehicle.)

...done yoga. But this tweet pretty much sums it up.

...had my eyebrows threaded. Every so often I pass a hair salon in the mall with a sign outside advertising "eyebrow threading." I have no idea what that even means but it sounds terrifying. I don't have to worry about that, though, because I get my hair cut at the kind of place where you don't need an appointment and you pay extra if you want a shampoo first.

Now that I've unloaded some of my "nevers," what about you? Can you say all of these about yourself? What have you never done?

For more "Never Have I Ever," see the second post in this series or play the mom edition below! (I got a 1, which probably isn't good.)

It’s time to play this funny parenting edition of Never, Have I Ever! I got a total score of 1 on this game… how did you do? #momlife #parentinghumor
It’s time to play this funny parenting edition of Never, Have I Ever! I got a total score of 1 on this game… how did you do? #momlife #parenting #funny

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Rosie said...

Having an earring ripped out is one of my all-time biggest fears. Ugh. Makes me shudder just thinking about it!!

Rachel said...

In cosmetology school, they teach eyebrow waxing, and that was the only service I always tried to avoid giving because I did NOT like doing it. I prefer a more natural eyebrow style and most eyebrow wax clients don't, obviously. One of the ladies at our school was from India--eyebrow threading originates from that corner of the world. She was the only one in the school who did threading, because even the instructors didn't know how. It's really fascinating to watching--a twisted thread is pressed and pulled and spun along the surface of the skin, and unwanted hairs get trapped in the twisted fibers of the thread and pulled out. Watching it being done is really fun, and the results are much smoother/more perfect than eyebrow tweezing or waxing...but I have naturally great eyebrows and I'm not messing with that.
I've never gotten in a two car accident. I have had my car slip into the median due to hitting black ice on the expressway...and I've had my car do a 180 degree turn on an icy road--but thankfully, both occasions, I was able to just start driving again, no hitting anything, no harm done. I hate ice. With Angel in the driver's seat, we've slid off the road and hit a road sign...and we backed into my grandpa's car parked in our own driveway. But that was only fair, because the year before, my grandpa backed into my car, parked in his driveway. When we called grandpa to confess that we'd backed into his car, he said, "I this is your revenge."

Nicki Schroeder said...

You are so funny! I can't believe with 6 kids you have never had a lice epidemic in your home. Way to go! (P.S. Wanting to burn the house down is a totally logical answer to this crisis, at least in my humble opinion!) :)

Michelle said...

That yoga tweet is perfection. I've never done real yoga either, but I have done mom yoga.

Jenny Evans said...

That's what I figured.

Jenny Evans said...

Okay, so the YouTube videos are pretty hypnotic. Looks hard. Also, your grandpa sounded pretty cool about the whole thing.

Jenny Evans said...

Me too. I can deal with my kids spurting blood or all manner of injury, but thinking about it happening to me makes me want to faint (and once almost did!)

Alicia @ Sweeping Up Joy said...

Aside from a sip of coffee I had to pretend to enjoy to be polite, all these are the same for me!

Hmmm. I've also thought of this game in reverse-- things I've have done that NO ONE else has probably had to ever do. Like drying little kid underwear with a hand-dryer in a public bathroom.

Crystal Green from Sharing Life's Moments said...

I have never been drunk in my life. That's the only thing that I can think of that I have never done right now.

This was interesting to read!

Anna said...

I remember when skinny jeans came in and I swore I'd never wear them. I feel like two kids later I'm about ready to swear them off again. Calves really do need to breathe.

Lice and bedbugs are two of my greatest fears. I'm terrified of what kids can bring home on them.

I've never had anything professionally waxed. Threaded once, but waxing just sounds terrifying. I don't need to pay a stranger to see me cry in pain.

Terra Heck said...

I haven't head my eyebrows threaded either but would give it a try. I'm sure my eyebrows need something done to them. Out of curiosity, why don't Mormons drink coffee? My kids had lice when they were younger. Eeked me out big time. So glad that's been years (knock on wood).

The Lady Okie said...

Mormons don't drink coffee? Is that a thing? I've never heard that before! Why not? I don't drink coffee but that's because I don't like it and I don't want to be dependent on caffeine to make it through the day.

Jenny Evans said...

It's part of our law of health. We call it the Word of Wisdom and it comes from a book of Mormon scripture called the Doctrine & Covenants. We believe it was a revelation from God.

We're not really told why so your guess is as good as mine. My personal opinion is that we might someday discover some scientific reason why (like the Israelites in the Old Testament being given all sorts of rules about hand-washing, which seemed nonsensical until we learned about germs) or maybe we won't and it's just one of those things God asks us to do just so we can demonstrate faithfulness. Some people guess it has to do with the caffeine, which could be true but we just don't know for sure.

Jenny Evans said...

The coffee thing is in our scriptures as part of a revelation we believe came from God.

Glad you made it through the lice infestation. I get chills just thinking of all the work my friend did when her kids got lice - and THEN they must not have vacuumed the couch well enough or quarantined a stuffed animal long enough because it came BACK and they had to do it all again!

Jenny Evans said...

It's harder than I anticipated to think of things I've never done even once, even as a baby or a kid!

Jenny Evans said...

I like how they look with boots so I'm a little sad about that. But not sad enough to wear something that makes me feel like Ursula exploding out of her human form in The Little Mermaid.