If Toddlers Wrote the Dictionary

Sometimes I wonder if I'm speaking a different language than my children. Really and truly.

In fact, I think my toddler could write his own dictionary — if he had a firmer grasp on how to use his thumbs, that is.

If I had to guess, I'd say these might be some of the entries in his amended version:

Banana (n.) - Hair gel.

Bath tub (n.) A really good place to poop.

Changing table (n.) - More modern form of a Medieval torture rack, from which escape at all costs is advisable.

Cleavage (n.) - Excellent drool-catcher.

Coat (n.) - Also a torture device. (see changing table)

Crying (v.) - A way to entertain oneself at 3 A.M.

Dust bunnies (n.) - Delicious morsels left underneath the couch for no discernible reason.

Earrings (n.) - Smaller version of the rings intended for gymnastic use.

Fun (n.) Pulling all the bristles off the toilet brush while everyone thinks I'm in my room playing trains.

Hiding (v.) - What you do while pooping.

iPhone (n.) - 1. My sole purpose for living 2. Object that causes tantrums registering on the Richter scale if within 100 feet of my person but not in my possession (synonyms: iPad)

Mine (adj.) - 1. The thing in my hands. 2. Anything I had at one point. 3. Something I rejected but then you picked up.

Naked (adj.) - The optimal state of being; all efforts to return to this state (public or private) are justified.

Pantry (n.) - 1. Toy box. 2. Sensory bin.

Spoon (n.) - Catapult.

Toilet bowl (n.) - The appropriate place to store the vegetable steamer and/or the remote.

Trash can (n.) - Receptacle for holding leftover food until I'm ready to finish it between meals.


What would be in your toddler's dictionary?

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