Thursday, January 21, 2016

If Toddlers Wrote the Dictionary

Sometimes I wonder if I'm speaking a different language than my children. Really and truly.

In fact, I think my toddler could write his own dictionary  if he had a firmer grasp on how to use his thumbs, that is.

If Toddlers Wrote the Dictionary -- Forget the words you think you know: they're all wrong. Learn what words really mean, from a toddler.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

If I had to guess, I'd say these might be some of the entries in his amended version:

Banana (n.) - Hair gel.

Bath tub (n.) A really good place to poop.

Changing table (n.) - More modern form of a Medieval torture rack, from which escape at all costs is advisable.

Cleavage (n.) - Excellent drool-catcher.

Coat (n.) - Also a torture device. (see changing table)

Crying (v.) - A way to entertain oneself at 3 A.M.

Dust bunnies (n.) - Delicious morsels left underneath the couch for no discernible reason.

Earrings (n.) - Smaller version of the rings intended for gymnastic use.

Fun (n.) Pulling all the bristles off the toilet brush while everyone thinks I'm in my room playing trains.

Hiding (v.) - What you do while pooping.

iPhone (n.) - 1. My sole purpose for living 2. Object that causes tantrums registering on the Richter scale if within 100 feet of my person but not in my possession (synonyms: iPad)

Mine (adj.) - 1. The thing in my hands. 2. Anything I had at one point. 3. Something I rejected but then you picked up.

Naked (adj.) - The optimal state of being; all efforts to return to this state (public or private) are justified.

Pantry (n.) - 1. Toy box. 2. Sensory bin.

Spoon (n.) - Catapult.

Toilet bowl (n.) - The appropriate place to store the vegetable steamer and/or the remote.

Trash can (n.) - Receptacle for holding leftover food until I'm ready to finish it between meals.

What would be in your toddler's dictionary?

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Anonymous said...

Absolutely hysterical, yet so true.

normaleverydaylife said...

These are really cute..and true! :)

Anonymous said...


Queen Mom Jen said...

my 2 year old is addicted to my phone. Seriously it is like her crack. I am trying to not have her live her life on it and it feels like I am weaning an addict...

Purfylle said...

Hair gel is my favourite!

Jenny Evans said...

You use banana hair gel, too? ;)

Jenny Evans said...

I'm doing the same with my son right now. Honestly, it's just not worth it having him happily occupied for 15 minutes when he screams bloody murder for 20 after I take it away!

Sarah Eliza @ devastateboredom said...

This is so hilarious. Love it!! :)

Nicole The Professional Mom Project said...

This post is too funny! Found it on #mondaymadness linky party

Unknown said...

Lol yaaas! My DD is 4 years old now but I would choose Screaming: Form of communication to express my dissatisfaction or pleasure with just about everything 😁.

Sunshine and Elephants said...

Absolutely adorable and entertaining. I really loved this. Found you over at Monday Madness. ~Lowanda of Sunshine and Elephants

Crystal said...

Mine definitely has the same definition for phone. Every person within a hundred foot radius if her better hide theirs unless they want to play tug war with a 2 year old.

PurpleSlob said...

Hahaha! I think I hear Webster calling you, Jenny!

Jenny Evans said...

When you start that game, you've already lost.