Things Moms Do in the Bathroom

Everyone knows that moms multitask better than anybody else on the planet. Who else can simultaneously call the pediatrician, sign a permission slip, check her email, and tell the kids to stop throwing that ball in the house right now before someone breaks a window?

It turns out that our multitasking goes beyond simple tasks involving the computer or our phones. Its reach even extends into the bathroom.

Through the bathroom door (or, who am I kidding, sometimes with the door wide open) I've spent plenty of time talking someone through the process for opening Minecraft on the computer, yelling helpful suggestions to my daughter practicing piano, and lamely trying to referee fights in the other room when I honestly have zero idea what's going on. **

Other things I might or might not have done while using the bathroom:

1. Put shoes and a party dress on an American Girl doll
2. Changed the batteries in a remote control car
3. Fixed someone's pigtails that were coming loose
4. Sang "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" with all the actions
5. Corrected someone's schoolwork
6. Talked a preschooler down from the ledge whose sock seams were crooked
7. Written out a check to the PTA
8. Pretended I was sending an important email when I was really just browsing around on Pinterest
9. Kissed a boo-boo
10. Carried on an extensive conversation on why it's important to give people privacy in the restroom (the other party in the conversation remained unconvinced)
11. Held a 6-month-old on my lap because all he wants to do is suck on the plastic covers over the screws on the bottom of the toilet

And if, by chance, I try to use the bathroom uninterrupted with the door shut, this just happens:

**For the record, mothers don't actually care what's fair. They just want everybody to stop screaming.

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