Monday, January 22, 2018

Your Attitudes about Basic Things, Before and After Having Kids

When I was younger, I actually enjoyed shopping. Even just window shopping with a friend was a relaxing and interesting way to spend the time.

And then I had children.

Overnight, shopping became a race to grab what I needed and get out of the store as quickly as humanly possible, before someone needed to eat, poop, or sleep.

No longer a social activity, now I keep my head down and hope no one speaks to us. If I stop to chat, one of my kids will start begging for the first thing they see and/or knock over a massive endcap display.

Motherhood changes you, in more ways than one. If you have kids, you’ll agree with every one of these parenting truths - whether you like it or not. #parenting #motherhood #momlife #truths #lifewithkids #motherhoodishard #unremarkablefiles

It's funny how having kids changes everything. Even your attitude about everyday things like:

Poop


Before: Gross! Keep it to yourself.

After: [Date night] So what color was it today? Is it still all seedy? Yeah, I think she's not digesting something well, either.


Daylight Savings Time


Before: Sweet! An extra hour of sleep!

After: I'm voting for our next president based solely on their support for getting rid of Daylight Savings Time.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Buying Furniture


Before: I'm looking for a modern piece with sleek, clean lines and a color that visually grabs your attention without being overbearing.

After: Literally the only thing I care about is how easy it is to clean.


Running Errands


Before: I'll stop by the store real quick on my way home.

After: *pep talking yourself in the mirror* You are strong. You've done hard things before. You can survive this.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Clothes


Before:  This outfit makes me look so good! I'm definitely buying it.

After: Are you joking? This has no pockets, no elastic in the waist, and can't be pulled up to nurse. Wait, "dry clean only?!" Who buys this garbage?


Date Night


Before: Do you want to go out or stay in? I don't really care.

After: *peeling out of the driveway*


Noise


Before: That's kind of annoying.

After: Five minutes from now, I will either (a) have tuned it out and achieved Nirvana or (b) be screaming my head off in a closet. Could go either way.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Healthy Eating


Before: Shop locally, buy organic, avoid preservatives, get plenty of vegetables. Considering a juice cleanse or Whole 30.

After: *stress-eating pizza-flavored Goldfish at 8:30 AM*


New Year's Eve


Before: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Happy New Year!

After: If we watch the countdown in London on YouTube we can still be in bed by 9:30.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Houseplants


Before: Potted plants are an easy way to add a pop of color to a room.

After: Oh, that brittle brown stalk in the corner? I believe it used to be a philodendron, but it's been there so long I can't say for sure.


Sunday Mornings


Before: Sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, arrive on time to church.

After: *reenact that scene from Home Alone, pull into the church parking lot 15 minutes after the service starts, realize someone is barefoot*

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Phone Calls


Before: It's so good to hear your voice!

After: Hi, it's  stop licking that!  it's me. I wanted to  okay, just a minute  see if you  I said stop! give me that!  I wanted to ask if you  not now, I'm on the phone  sorry, what were we talking about?


Online Shopping


Before: This is pretty convenient.

After: I see the Amazon delivery driver more than I see my own husband. I would die if I had to bring my children to a physical store every time we needed toilet paper.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Haircuts


Before: I just got the cutest mid-length bob. And it's so low-maintenance: I can have it styled in 30 minutes.

After: This scrunchie has been in my hair since my daughter was born. In 2010.


Home Decorating


Before: Using this framed art as a focal point, I've used elements of the same color throughout the room to create a unified space.

After: The decor theme of this room is "There Appears to Have Been a Struggle." I'm joking, that's the theme of every room.


Appointments


Before: Hi, my appointment isn't for 15 minutes but I was told to arrive early to fill out the paperwork.

After: According to my calculations, we're already late for the dentist tomorrow afternoon.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Pets


Before: The unconditional love of a pet is a glorious thing.

After: There's no way we're putting one more thing in this house that needs me to pick up its poop.


You may have noticed this list both begins and ends with poop, and trust me, that wasn't a coincidence. It's just another one of the many ways your life changes after having children. But that's another blog post for another time.

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5 comments:

  1. Same for everything except furniture. Instead of thinking if it is easy to clean, I think about how well it will hide dirt :-)

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    Replies
    1. Apparently you're smarter than me and I've been doing it wrong.

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  2. Hahahaha. So true. Although I probably wasn’t quite that put together even Before kids... Having so many of them just gives me a valid excuse to do some of the things I did anyway!😄

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    Replies
    1. They're good for that, too! I prefer to talk mine grocery shopping with me so I don't look so insane when I talk to myself out loud: "What else was I going to get? Oh yeah, carrots. And some onions, too..."

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  3. Ha ha ha -- peels out of driveway for date night. :)

    ReplyDelete