Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Things I Must Look Remarkably Similar To, According to My Kids

When I look in the mirror, I see a moderately decent-looking 35-year-old woman with hair down to her shoulders and, probably, a couple of kids hanging off her elbows wailing about snacks.

But I must also look a lot like these 6 objects, because honestly? Sometimes I don't even think my kids can tell us apart.


A mother isn't just a woman. She's also a Kleenex, a jungle gym, and a trash can - according to her kids, anyway.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

A Kleenex


For starters, I must look like a walking, talking, full-sized facial tissue. My very presence calls to my kid: Come to me, children, and smear all your troubles straight into the folds of my clothing. Actually, I wish it was just my clothes. The other day I was holding my 1-year-old who quite unapologetically picked his nose and wiped it on my collarbone.

A mother isn't just a woman. She's also a Kleenex, a jungle gym, and a trash can - according to her kids, anyway.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

A Jungle Gym


I also bear an uncanny resemblance to a piece of playground equipment. I know because I can rarely cook dinner or walk across the room without someone crawling up my leg or clinging to me like a baby capuchin monkey. I seem to look especially like a jungle gym whenever I lie down or open my laptop.

A mother isn't just a woman. She's also a Kleenex, a jungle gym, and a trash can - according to her kids, anyway.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

A Napkin


After a full meal when you are quite literally dripping with grease and sauce, who better to run straight to than a human napkin? My kids are sure that I am the best place to rub their food-covered faces, and definitely not the curious little squares of tissue I keep putting next to their plates every time we eat for some reason.

A mother isn't just a woman. She's also a Kleenex, a jungle gym, and a trash can - according to her kids, anyway.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

A Pack Mule


When we drive up to the house after a busy afternoon, my kids are in luck because there just so happens to be a woman with them who is clearly a pack mule. It doesn't matter that I'm already struggling to carry 6 grocery bags, my overflowing purse, a stack of mail, a grumpy toddler, and random toys and socks I found in the car; my kids will still ask if I can hold the stick they brought home from the park. I need saddlebags.

A mother isn't just a woman. She's also a Kleenex, a jungle gym, and a trash can - according to her kids, anyway.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

A Vending Machine


About 50% of my children's sentences are a variation of "Can I have a snack?" Even if we're in the car with no food, my kids won't accept any excuses. They look at me blankly and continue requesting snacks. We could be the lone survivors of a plane crash, trying to reach civilization from the middle of the Sahara Desert, and I would still be expected to produce Goldfish and juice boxes on request.

A mother isn't just a woman. She's also a Kleenex, a jungle gym, and a trash can - according to her kids, anyway.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

A Dumpster


Because I look just like a dumpster, I'm the kids' go-to choice when they need to dispose of their granola bar wrappers, sucker sticks, or partially-chewed food they decided they didn't like anymore. I look so similar to a giant trash receptacle they can hardly be blamed for the mix-up, which I remind myself when they hold out a used Band-Aid and say "Can you take this?"

My kids' eyesight might need a little improving, because they seem to mistake me for quite a few objects that I'm pretty sure I'm not. But I think I'll keep them. Because, after all, I love them more than anything.

Life with kids, you are ridiculous. It’s so funny how my children look at me and see a pack mule who wants to carry all their stuff, or a Kleenex… I guess little things like that keep a mom laughing. #parentinghumor #momtruths #kids #funny #laughing #unremarkablefiles


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5 comments:

  1. Haha oh my, this is so accurate! Why is it that the moment the laptop comes out so I can check e-mails or blog, my toddler decides that it's a perfect time to climb all over me??

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  2. My 3-year-old doesn't even try to wipe his face on my clothes sometimes, he wants me to hug him so he can wipe his tears ON MY CHEEKS and it's painfully gross!!!

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  3. Well golly, you and I must be twins, because I have 5 people in my family who see me these same ways!

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  4. Ha yes, my kids can see me like this as well. Although they are older, so I'm no longer a Kleenex. Thank goodness.

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  5. Haha! Amen sister. Sometimes I go out in public and then look in the mirror and realize I've got dried boogers on my shoulder...

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