Wednesday, November 8, 2017

An Accurate Hot Toy List for 2017

It's that time of year, when Toys R Us and every other retailer in the universe releases their "Hot Holiday Toy List" and we are all supposed to stampede each other in the aisles for them (or pay quadruple on Ebay later.)

But here's the thing. Most of the toys on the list look like more expensive versions of stuff my kids already don't play with. So I've compiled an actual Hot Toy List that will clue other parents like myself in to what your young one might like this holiday season.

Along with these nominations for Best Toy of the Year, here are 10 items that have been played with practically non-stop at our house since I started having babies over a decade ago.

10. Toilet Plunger


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

My youngest is a ninja when it comes to sneaking in the bathroom to grab this curious piece of equipment. If I leave the door open for even a second, he's walking around somewhere with the toilet plunger giddy with excitement. I read a blog post by a mom who decided to stop fighting it and just bought her son a brand-new plunger at the hardware store... I'm not sure if the article was serious or joking, but either way it's the most brilliant thing I've ever read.

9. Light Switch


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Best case scenario: you can pull a chair up to the wall and let your child stand there flicking the switch and giggling for 20 minutes while you eat a sleeve of Oreos in the other room. Worst case scenario: they're not old enough to reliably stand there without falling so you have to hover within arms' length without blinking the whole time, or skip the chair altogether and stand there holding them like you don't have anything else to do today.

8. My Earrings


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Another fun cause-and-effect toy! Pull the dangly loops and get a gasp, scream, or expletive from mom every time! It's basically a newer version of those dolls from the '80s where you'd pull a string to make them talk. Talk about a classic.

7. Junk Drawer


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}


When a child gets tall enough to reach the junk drawer, the second half of his life begins. Rubber bands, tape dispensers, random writing utensils, a pad of Post-It notes, a fingernail clippers... the funnest substances known to man, hitherto off-limits, are all jumbled up in one drawer of wonders. Some kids pick through it cautiously, others dig in like a starving man at a Golden Corral; either way, the household junk drawer will entertain them for hours.

6. Flashlight


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

These are great for carrying around the house and wedging beneath the couch. Left on, of course. I have replaced the batteries in our flashlight a dozen times and I don't think I've ever used it. The underside of our couch, however, has been well-illuminated for most of the time we've lived here.

5. Remote


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Next to an airliner cockpit, you really can't find more buttons in one place than a remote control. (The one with LOTS of buttons in our house isn't pictured here because, ironically, it went missing after the kids played with it.) When you walk around with a remote in your hand, you walk around holding power. Until they reach a certain age and realize there's a difference, remotes can also double as pretend phones.

4. My Keys


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

I'm starting to suspect the nurses in the maternity ward of teaching babies to tell real keys from fake ones. We have a pair of baby toy plastic keys that look just like real ones, they're not those fake chunky ones, and none of our kids has even feigned interest in it . My keys, on the other hand, are a hot commodity. It probably helps that there's a red button specifically designed to send the car into a delightful panic mode.

3. My Shoes


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

I have no nice shoes anymore. The backs have all been smashed flat by small people who help themselves to my closet and wear my shoes around whenever the mood strikes. The fact that I may not want them to clomp around in my footwear for fun never seems to occur to them. I know because I just found my only pair of dressy flats on the counter in the kids' bathroom filled with Shopkins.

2. Pots and Pans


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

What makes a fantastic noise and is super-fun to drag out of the kitchen cabinets 42 times a day? Why, pots and pans, of course! You can use them to booby trap the kitchen in the dark, cook up some fake food in your room, or just do gross things like put your dirty bare feet in them for absolutely no reason at all so mom has to wash them again. Those are all popular options around here.

1. Empty Cardboard Box


Who needs hot holiday toy lists when every toddler's deepest desire is to play with the toilet plunger?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

One of the biggest surprises I've had in motherhood is how old kids can be and still have fun with a cardboard box. The fun can be anything from hiding inside it to jumping around with it on your head to simply ripping it apart with your bare hands (yes, that has actually happened and I still don't get it.) The best boxes, according to my kids, are the ones I'm saving for a specific purpose and would like to use in the future. Those are destroyed pretty much immediately.

Armed with this knowledge, I wish you the very best of luck holiday shopping for your children this season. Of course every child has their individual likes and preferences, but if you stick to time-tested favorites like these you really can't go wrong. If all else fails, just tell them it's yours and they're not allowed to touch it.

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11 comments:

  1. Laughed out loud to all of this. And honestly that plunger idea is genius. Chances are my preschooler will get jealous that the baby has it, so it'll be the hot commodity for everyone Christmas morning.

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  2. Do you have a camera in my house? These are all the things my 2 toddlers want to play with all day long.

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  3. R has just gotten old enough to reach the drawers and it’s terrible haha! This is funny.

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  4. I always wonder why I even have toys when cardboard boxes are all the rage with my kiddos :)

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  5. Yes! I agree with every single one, and would like to add another. Rocks. My three year old is fascinated with rocks. Last year Santa brought him three bags of the dollar tree polished rocks. It was, and still is, his favorite present.

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  6. I do believe a full box of tissues deserves an honorable mention.

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    Replies
    1. Oh my goodness yes! Definitely putting that on the baby's Christmas list

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  7. These are hilarious.
    Cardboard boxes are also hot gifts for cats (for sitting) & dogs (for tearing to shreds). Just FYI. Lol

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  8. We had to replace our elderly bunk bed mattresses nearly two years ago and we still have one of them in the middle of the living room (the other lives in the basement at the bottom of the slide). Best toy ever both for jumping and wrestling on and any kid who comes over spends a lot of time jumping like mad. But I still always feel like new guests need a big explanation of why we have a mattress taking up the floor...

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  9. My oldest is EIGHT and I just caught him at the top of the stairs in a cardboard box, about to slide down and crack his head or fracture his tailbone... It never gets old!

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  10. Those are ALL hot toys any time of the year! I'd like to add bubble wrap to the list.

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