As you all know, I do 99% of my Christmas shopping on Amazon and let me tell you, I saw some funny things while shopping.
I had to keep it all under wraps until Christmas because my kids read my blog and I didn't want to spoil any surprises, so now I can share it all with you.
While I was researching Pack 'n Plays for the baby, I came across this one that didn't seem to contain a child too well:
|Yeah, I know there's a zipper on there. My kids would still be out of there faster than you can say "prison riot."|
Then I was looking for lava lamps
We ended up buying him something else, but the product images had me sorely tempted.
Take this one, for instance. I imagine the conversation beforehand going something like this:
Designer: I've got the perfect product image for those video game controllers you wanted, Boss!
Boss: What are you talking about? I asked for an image for the lava lamp!
Boss: And I need it by tomorrow morning! You'd better come up with something fast.
And just in case you're not a pair of conjoined twins who enjoy gaming together after a long day at the office, you can alternatively get the family version:
Mom: "This lava lamp is the perfect complement to our freakishly austere white living room."
Girl: "I love it, Mom! Can I touch it?"
Mom: "NO, YOU'LL MAKE A MESS!!!"
The Hot Wheels bath ramp we got was a big hit with the 2-year-old (we followed the advice of one reviewer and got a color change car to use with it and successfully blew his mind) but I was not impressed with the product image. This wasn't just on Amazon, it was on the box itself!
|What this picture says to me: we couldn't find an actual kid willing to play with this thing.|
That kid isn't in the bathtub. That dad isn't in the bathroom. I'm pretty sure that water isn't even water, and the tub isn't real, either. It's like I'm in the matrix. Everything I thought I knew is a lie.
We've mostly been hanging out at home, playing with each other and our new toys this week, but we did do something constructive, too.
My 10-year-old is folding 1,000 origami cranes to donate to an organization called Cranes for Cancer and let me tell you, it is slow going. On Monday after dinner she taught the rest of the family to make cranes and then I posed a challenge: if we collectively folded 100 of them before we watch The B.F.G. tonight, we'll have a treat during the movie.
They were done by Wednesday at 10 AM.
I can't say my contribution was huge, but I do think I may have beaten the world record for cranes made while nursing, in case that's a thing.
One thing I forgot to mention to wrinkly old me in my Letter to My Future Self about This Christmas was that Phillip went to the dollar store to get stocking stuffers and brought home "Goofy String."
That's right. It's not 'silly,' it's 'goofy.' So no copyright infringement there, thank goodness!
|Yep, just covering allllll the legal bases.|
The canisters didn't last long but the kids certainly had fun with them in the driveway.
|My favorite thing about this picture is how Phillip is basically using the 2-year-old as a gun.|
Generally speaking, the kids are reasonably well-behaved when we sit down to read scriptures as a family before bed at night.
I'm not sure if it was the Christmas sugar high or the novelty of being home from school for a whole week, but one night they were having a particularly hard time settling down and focusing. After several false starts we managed to finally start reading when my 5 year-old tried to tell me a joke.
"After scriptures," I said, not looking up.
Undaunted, she asked, "After scriptures who?"
—7—And here's what happens when you notice that the bathroom is out of toilet paper and you ask a child to "please put some toilet paper in the bathroom."
They take you very, very literally.
To be fair, I didn't explicitly say "please refill the holder" or even "please put the extra rolls under the sink instead of leaving them on display in the middle of the room."
It's the subtle nuances of language that make parents tear their hair out, really.