Thursday, January 21, 2016

If Toddlers Wrote the Dictionary

Sometimes I wonder if I'm speaking a different language than my children. Really and truly.

In fact, I think my toddler could write his own dictionary  if he had a firmer grasp on how to use his thumbs, that is.

If Toddlers Wrote the Dictionary -- Forget the words you think you know: they're all wrong. Learn what words really mean, from a toddler.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

If I had to guess, I'd say these might be some of the entries in his amended version:

Banana (n.) - Hair gel.

Bath tub (n.) A really good place to poop.

Changing table (n.) - More modern form of a Medieval torture rack, from which escape at all costs is advisable.

Cleavage (n.) - Excellent drool-catcher.

Coat (n.) - Also a torture device. (see changing table)

Crying (v.) - A way to entertain oneself at 3 A.M.

Dust bunnies (n.) - Delicious morsels left underneath the couch for no discernible reason.

Earrings (n.) - Smaller version of the rings intended for gymnastic use.

Fun (n.) Pulling all the bristles off the toilet brush while everyone thinks I'm in my room playing trains.

Hiding (v.) - What you do while pooping.

iPhone (n.) - 1. My sole purpose for living 2. Object that causes tantrums registering on the Richter scale if within 100 feet of my person but not in my possession (synonyms: iPad)

Mine (adj.) - 1. The thing in my hands. 2. Anything I had at one point. 3. Something I rejected but then you picked up.

Naked (adj.) - The optimal state of being; all efforts to return to this state (public or private) are justified.

Pantry (n.) - 1. Toy box. 2. Sensory bin.

Spoon (n.) - Catapult.

Toilet bowl (n.) - The appropriate place to store the vegetable steamer and/or the remote.

Trash can (n.) - Receptacle for holding leftover food until I'm ready to finish it between meals.


What would be in your toddler's dictionary?

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14 comments:

  1. my 2 year old is addicted to my phone. Seriously it is like her crack. I am trying to not have her live her life on it and it feels like I am weaning an addict...

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    1. I'm doing the same with my son right now. Honestly, it's just not worth it having him happily occupied for 15 minutes when he screams bloody murder for 20 after I take it away!

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  2. This is so hilarious. Love it!! :)

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  3. This post is too funny! Found it on #mondaymadness linky party

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  4. Lol yaaas! My DD is 4 years old now but I would choose Screaming: Form of communication to express my dissatisfaction or pleasure with just about everything 😁.

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  5. Absolutely adorable and entertaining. I really loved this. Found you over at Monday Madness. ~Lowanda of Sunshine and Elephants

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  6. Mine definitely has the same definition for phone. Every person within a hundred foot radius if her better hide theirs unless they want to play tug war with a 2 year old.

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    1. When you start that game, you've already lost.

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  7. Hahaha! I think I hear Webster calling you, Jenny!

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