7 Quick Takes about Having Nothing to Eat, Really Good Bad Movies, and Advertising Your Skin Problems on a Billboard

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It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

The trial gluten-free diet for the kids and I is going okay. It's definitely made a difference for the 7-year-old. The other two kids say not so much, but maybe they're just lying so they can start eating the baked goods at functions again.

The other night at dinner I was asking them all if they'd noticed any differences so far and my 9-year-old, who hates the diet the most, started moaning "It's exactly the same except that now there's nooothiiiiiing to eeeeeaaaat..."

We had to ask him to repeat what he said because his voice was muffled BY THE TACO IN HIS MOUTH. Sometimes the irony is almost too much for me to bear.

—2—

I have no idea what is wrong with our school district, but they give us the holidays of 3 major religions off plus a week-long break in February in addition to spring break, so we're in school for what feels like infinity making all of that up. I'm so ready to be done.

My 1st grader's backpack is held together with safety pins. The ABC countdown to the end of the year is killing me. If I have to remember one more special thing on one more special day, I'm going to scream. (As I typed this sentence it reminded me that my 5th grader is taking a field trip to a ropes course today and I forgot to put sunscreen on her this morning.)

Make it stop, I want to get off.

—3—

I'm usually the family representative at daytime school functions, but I was busy during a parent-child event at the elementary school so Phillip was going to be the one attending. 

I caught him a little off-guard between Zoom meetings while he was preoccupied with work stuff so he should get a little leeway, but his face while trying to assimilate all the information he needed to attend this thing was priceless. 

Me: Here's an email from the school. It says to meet on the field behind the building, not in the classroom. You're supposed to find your child's teacher-

Him: I don't know what his teacher looks like.

Me: She looks like this. [showing him the thumbnail beside her email] She's the one who came to his Primary Program at church.

Him: [blank stare]

Me: Anyway, I'm sure you'll find her. It also says to bring a blanket and a snack to eat with your child-

Him: For him, too?

Me: I don't know. He's got snacks packed in his lunch but you can bring something for him just in case.

Him: Okay. Blanket, snack, field behind the school... [looking a little panicked that he'll forget all this new information] Wait, which school is this?

Whenever I have to leave instructions for someone to temporarily take my place, it really does make me go "Ohhhh... so this is why I'm crazy!" You don't realize how much is stuffed in your head until you have to spell it out for someone who has no clue about any of it.

—4—

Someone once mentioned to me that the 1988 film adaptation of Journey to the Center of the Earth was "the worst movie ever made," and with a pronouncement like that, I can't just not watch it. 

I actually love movies so bad they're good, and this one did not disappoint. That was several months ago, and now on my to-watch list is another 1980s movie by the same director, which is like a prequel of sorts.

I was telling my 19-year-old about it, who was away at college at the time, and she felt left out. "Well, I need to watch it, too!" she protested.

So I watched the worst movie ever made for the second time, and do you know what? I would watch it again. I can't understand why it's not a cult classic. It has all the makings of one.

—5—

I was driving with my daughter and saw a sign for this company called "Severance." But thethe company logo was in the middle, with "SEVER" on one side and "ANCE" on the other.

I thought it said "severe acne."

—6—

My 7-year-old has discovered the trick of requesting to play a family game in the evenings to delay bedtime. 

"How about 'Timeline'?" he asked me one night.

Timeline is a short game, but he's too young for it. How it works is, you have a bunch of cards with historical events on them and you have to put them in order. They could be anything, from the start of WWII to the death of Julius Ceasar to the signing of the Declaration of Independence. 

Which, to a first-grader, all happened at about the same time: the past. A 7-year-old has no concept of whether the Pilgrims and the cowboys lived at the same time or not, or the difference between the 1400s and the 1900s. They think breakfast was a really long time ago.

So we played Timeline, and as expected, it was hilarious. Maybe he'll actually learn something about history if he wants to keep playing this game. But if not, at least it will be entertaining for the rest of us.

—7—

The YouTube algorithm one day started serving me timelapse videos of a guy who does edging and pressure washing to clean up peoples' yards and driveways. 

It's funny because for years, I've actually motivated myself to clean the dirty kitchen by imagining myself in a timelapse video of the counters all getting cleared off and all the dishes getting washed, and now I wonder if YouTube somehow knews that.

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