Friday, July 5, 2019

7 Quick Takes about Slightly Patriotic Battles, Learning How Scary My Kids Think I Am, and How Poop Is Apparently in the Eye of the Beholder

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


To celebrate the independence of our country, for the 4th of July this year we decided to have a water balloon fight.

Actually, we were just hot.

We got a regular assembly line going for filling the balloons and we didn't count, but we did a lot..

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This is probably 1/3 of the finished balloons, but keep in mind we had 8 people throwing them so they didn't last as long as you'd think.

In the past, we've given everyone an equal number of balloons and had a free-for-all that ends with everyone crying, but this year we tried dividing the family up into two teams and having them throw balloons at each other across a line in the middle. It went so much better than all our previous attempts.

Fifteen years into this parenting thing and I am still learning stuff.

2


At night we went to a fireworks show which I enjoyed, but my favorite part was getting there.

After parking in a big lot, you could either take a shuttle over to the field where the show was or you could take a 10-minute walk on a path through the woods. We opted for the walk, which was so pretty. They had strung up lights all along the trail so everyone could see.

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Pictures don't do it justice, but it was pretty.

It almost made it worth the 30-minute wait to get out of the parking lot with a car full of tired, grumpy children complaining they were thirsty.

3


I introduced my kids to West Side Story, and their commentary on the show was really funny.

When Tony, the former Jet who'd gone straight and become gainfully employed, showed up at the rumble at the end, my 5-year-old pointed and shouted out "Oh, he should not battle! He has to go to work!"

And when Tony was swooning over meeting his soulmate and singing, "Maria, Maria, Maria... I'll never stop saying Mariaaaa!" I heard one of the kids mutter "Apparently not."

Also, my 11-year-old now calls to his sisters using the same whistle as the Jets. So there's that.

4


In other movie-related news, we showed the first movie in the Lord of the Rings trilogy to the oldest three kids. It was for educational-ish purposes.

The 11- and 13-year-olds' takeaway from the movie? "Those screaming orcs wouldn't stand a chance against Mom."

"What?" I asked. (I'd been upstairs for a large chunk of the movie putting the little kids to bed and must've missed that part.)

The kids explained there was a scene with a big, terrifying hoard of orcs surrounding the heroes in a mine, when at the last second somebody appeared and all the orcs started screaming and scattering in every direction. At this point, the kids started laughing and said, "That's like when Mom comes in and says, 'WHO DIDN'T DO THEIR KITCHEN CLEANING CHORE?'"

Honestly I tried to be offended, but I was mostly just flattered.

5


My daughter found a mole on the sole of her foot and asked Phillip and I about it.

"That looks like a blood blister," said Phillip. "Are you sure you didn't just step on something?"

She said no, so I called the dermatologist to make an appointment. The receptionist seemed really concerned ("A female with a mole on the bottom of her foot or between her toes should always be seen right away!") and got her in on a cancellation the next day.

On the way to the appointment I asked, "Is your mole still there?"

"Yes."

"And you're sure it's not a blood blister?"

"Actually... I do remember pulling a thorn out of my shoe... on that foot.... in that exact place."

Oh, good. Because I love those doctor visits where you're like, "Hi, I'm an idiot who's here for no reason" and they're like, "That'll be $160, please."

To add insult to injury, I was the only one in the car who was alive in the 90s so no one even got the reference when I yelled, "Once again, things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!"

6


I love our stove, but it has some weird display abbreviations.

When you turn the burner to the highest heat setting it says "PB." It stands for 'power boost,' but I can never remember that so I always think in my head that it means 'pot boiling.'

After you remove a pot but the burner is still warm, it says "HE" for 'hot element.' Meaning that if you're using both burners on the right-hand side and take them off at the same time, the display sounds like it's laughing ("hee, hee!")

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7


When I heard my 7-year-old telling my 5-year-old he shouldn't draw pictures of houses with poop in the yard, I had to stick my head in the door and ask what in the world she was talking about.

Evidently she disagreed with his rendering of the landscaping bushes on either side of the walkway:

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Evergreens or poo? The debate rages.

"Oh, come on, they're obviously bushes," I said. "They look just like the wooden ones in the train table set at the library!"

But she was having none of that argument. She was so adamant about it she even drew me a labeled diagram to prove her point.

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Hmm, she does present a pretty persuasive case.

This is why I never win arguments around here.

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2 comments:

PurpleSlob said...

I love your sense of humor, and your kids!!
BTW: it was poop.

Jenny Evans said...

It always is, unfortunately.