Friday, April 26, 2019

7 Quick Takes about Tactful Ways to Badmouth Dinner, Dressing to Impress, and the Long-Awaited Reappearance of "Summer Legs"

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


How was everyone's Easter? After a fantastic church service, some friends invited us over to our house for Easter dinner. I made empty tomb rolls like I have for the last few years, but this time something went horribly wrong.

First of all, they didn't rise. I didn't have time to start over so I put them in the oven anyway, hoping they would rise a little with the heat.

Not only did that not happen, they also split apart while baking and the marshmallows inside didn't melt all the way so half-congealed marshmallow glop was oozing out the sides. No pictures because I was too devastated.

So like any rational person, I hid in the bedroom and said Easter was cancelled. But Phillip artistically piled the least ugly ones in a bowl, said they still tasted fine, and made a yummy salad to go with them (which I purposely didn't touch because apparently I'm cursed.)

As we pulled up at our friends' house, the 7-year-old (who has been working with us on the concept of politeness because she tends to let every thought fly out of her mouth without thinking) looked at the bowl of rolls and told me, "I was going to say you made terrible rolls but then I was like, 'Wait, why would I say that?' So I'm not going to say that."

I told her thanks, because that really could've hurt my feelings.

2


I was at the computer the other day when I saw my 2-year-old out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to see he was holding up his shirt and scribbling on his belly with a pink pen.

I knew it was a dumb inquiry the second I said it, but I asked, "Why are you drawing on yourself?"

With a question mark in his voice, he answered, "To be pretty?"

Then he continued coloring on himself.

If I've learned anything by now, it's that the single most pointless question in parenting is why.

3


Finally, we had a good experience showing a movie from our childhoods to the kids.

Usually they contain so much swearing we want to disappear, or there are other inappropriate scenes that went over our heads as little kids (that are hopefully also going over theirs,) but this weekend we saw Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and it was exactly like I remembered it.

Of course, I never dissected the science of the movie but my 14-year-old was like, "WAAAAIT a minute. If they shrink by compressing all the atoms' empty space, they would be tiny but still weigh the same. They probably couldn't even walk. And they would definitely be so dense they would have sunk in that puddle and drowned."

Sometimes, you just want to enjoy your popcorn and it's kind of a drag having kids who are way smarter than you are.

4


I made my kids get all dressed up for their yearly pictures (we go to J.C. Penney as a cheap alternative to overpriced school portrait packages,) and since we were already in the mall, we went to do some summer clothes shopping afterward.

Let me tell you, if you ever want to get some Kardashian-level attention everywhere you go, then I highly recommend bringing along a toddler in a 3-piece suit and bowtie.

Every woman in a 100-foot radius came over to gush about how cute he was, and every man who passed smiled and said something like, "Looking good, Buddy!"

Of course I can't blame them because he is the actual cutest.

5


I don't know what's wrong with me, but I keep forgetting my 13-year-old's orthodontist appointments. They're on the calendar and everything, I just get busy with something else because we schedule them right after school and that is crazy o'clock in our house.

I've missed at least 50% of her appointments so far, and every time the receptionist calls a half-hour later to reschedule but they can't fit us in for another two weeks.

So between my daughter forgetting to wear her rubber bands and me forgetting to bring her to appointments, she's going to be wearing braces for the next 10-15 years.

6


Lately, I've been obsessed with smoothies.

Some of my kids are on the small side so I started making smoothies after meals to get more calories into them. Then I figured it probably wouldn't hurt me, either, since my doctor tells me every time I see her that I'm too underweight.

So I make smoothies every day now. (And apparently they're working, because yesterday as I was helping my older son with his piano practice, my 5-year-old came up, patted my belly, and announced to me that we're having a new baby.)

My child who needed extra calories the most wasn't the smoothies it at first, so to encourage him we started playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who takes a sip, and whoever finishes their whole smoothie first wins.

He loves playing this, although Phillip pointed out I should choose my words carefully when telling others about "the drinking game I taught my preschooler."

7


Warm weather is here! For real! I can tell because all of the younger kids have what I call "summer legs."

From the waist down, they're covered in scrapes, scratches, and skinned knees from running around outside in shorts, riding bikes, and climbing trees. I love it.

The other day my 7- and 5-year-olds were playing on the playset and decided to grab some scrap wood to create their own homemade bench swing.

Who's laughing? 7 Quick Takes is a funny weekly recap of the Unremarkable Files family. If you like to read about funny baking fails, hilarious things kids say, and other notes from the chaos in a family of 8, you're in the right place. #7quicktakes #7qt #funny #unremarakblefiles
Awwww.

Is this precarious? A little. I wouldn't be surprised if the wood slips off or they fall and each of them adds another scrape or bruise to their legs, but isn't that what summer is all about?

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5 comments:

Crystal said...

My five-year-old does ALOT of stuff you want to ask why about but all you get from her is 'because' or 'because why'.

Jenny Evans said...

My 7-year-old learned to say in a sassy voice, "The better question is, why NOT?" I would take "because" at this point.

PurpleSlob said...

#1-bwahahahaha!!
Thanks for whatever you did, Jenny, that fixed it so I can comment in chrome!!

Kimberly Hendrickson said...

#3 - Mind blown. It never occurred to me that they would still weigh the same even though they were the size of apple seeds. I guess that ride on the honeybee wasn't very realistic.

Jenny Evans said...

Of course they pointed out that they would have also killed the ant by sitting on it, too.