Monday, June 11, 2018

Toddler Reviews of a New Restaurant That Caters Exactly to Them

If there was a special toddler restaurant, this is what it would look like! Anyone raising toddlers will laugh at these funny (fake) Yelp reviews. #parentinghumor #toddlerhumor #funny #pickyeater #hilarious #sarcastic #lol #unremarkablefiles

The Picky Toddler
1,624 reviews - 4 star average
$$

This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Love love love this place.
Delicious cuisine like your mom makes, but with a twist: everything caters to the 12-36 months crowd. Nice ambiance, especially the acoustics (screeching and silverware banging really resonates.) I come here to carbo-load before a long night of waking my mom up every 45 minutes. Highly recommend it.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
My favorite place for snacks!
If you haven't tried toddler dining then you must go to The Picky Toddler! They serve ketchup on everything, let you color on the tables, and every menu item is called a "snack." I never eat meals but if you serve the exact same food and call it a snack I'll devour it. Their lunch snack menu is fabulous, by the way.
Most Authentic Toddler Food in the Area
I came here for a MOPS playgroup and will definitely be back on my own! Well, my mom has to drive, obviously. Our server was phenomenal: he blew on my food when I complained it was too hot even though we both knew it wasn't, and he also peeled my chicken nuggets for me when I laid on the floor and screamed about it. You can send anything back to the kitchen at any time and for any reason, even if you've already eaten half of it. This place is amazing.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Way too spicy for me
I couldn't even eat the scrambled eggs due to a flake of pepper in it. I had the applesauce and that was also very spicy. The dry Cheerios were okay. But unless you like really spicy food, I'd skip The Picky Toddler.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
RE: Way too spicy for me
At The Picky Toddler we strive to provide the blandest possible eating experience for our customers. We are deeply sorry to hear about your experience.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
butter heaven
let me say that the butter was to die for!! literally... the best butter I've ever eaten... at home i have to wait until my mom is in the bathroom so i can crawl up on the counter and take bites out of the stick - but at this place u can just order straight butter off the menu!! if u also love butter - then u will LOVE this place!!!!!!!!!!
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Didn't Meet My Expectations
I really wanted to give this restaurant more stars but was not happy with the wait for my food. Instead of appearing instantly the second I requested it, I actually had to follow the waitstaff into the kitchen and cling wailing to their pant legs as they made it for me! It was good once it arrived, but by then I was no longer interested in eating and had to pitch another fit so we could go outside and blow bubbles.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Exceptional Place
This was my first foray into toddler dining, and I was not disappointed. The plain toast was so good I ate it in under an hour(!), and our server courteously waited to bring the check until I finished mushing up my leftovers into my drink and rubbing it in my hair. Even the undersides of the tables are padded so you can crawl around on the floor without hitting your head and getting a boo-boo. They thought of everything!
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Don't go here!
My nana took me here for my birthday and it was a disaster. First, there was no place at the door to strip off all my clothes and run around butt-naked. Second, auto-flush toilets in the restrooms? Please. Those things are the devil. Third, the restaurant windows tasted disgusting. The kicker was when I found a tiny piece of onion in my food! Needless to say I sent it back and ordered a banana, which arrived with not one, not two, but THREE strings on it! Bad food, bad atmosphere, bad service - stay away!
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Fun and Tasty Neighborhood Restaurant
Very surprised to see a 1-star review for this restaurant. We went here for lunch on a Wednesday, just after Sesame Street and before naptime. When we walked in, the Daddy Finger Song was playing on the loudspeaker. Once we were seated we ordered a round of granola bars for appetizers and then I had the apple sampler: they bring you a bunch of apples and you  take one bite out of all of them. We thoroughly enjoyed our lunch and are already planning our next trip here.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Yum, yum!
Ordered delivery because there's no food in the house and mom just had my brother so she's been wearing the same pants for 5 days. Also, she couldn't find the car keys because I put them in the freezer. Food was delivered with complimentary fruit snacks.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Better Than Mickey D's... And That's Saying Something
I was a little skeptical about The Picky Toddler based on some of the poor reviews and the fact that I'm technically a big girl now. But I'm so glad I tried it anyway. Delicious food, I didn't think this place could top McDonald's on my restaurant top ten but it did!
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Meh.
Unimpressed. The food was the same old boring children's menu fare: hot dogs, grilled cheese, chicken tenders. And all the TVs were turned to Calliou, ugh!
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
RE: Meh.
Are you even a toddler? This site has gotten so bad about screening for fake reviews. Can somebody remove this comment? It was obviously left by an 8- or 9-year-old troll.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Overall, I'd Give It an A
Ambiance - appreciated the "no shirt, no shoes, no problem" policy, A+
Food - soup was a little wet, but other than that, A
Drinks - very easy to dump out on the floor, A+
Service - waitress cut sandwiches into rectangles instead of triangles, C-
Parking - someone keyed my Cozy Coupe in the parking lot and management offered a 20% off coupon for my next visit, B
Overall Grade: A. Will definitely go back.
This is what eating out would be like if they all catered to toddlers.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Go for the Yogurt!
Some of the negative reviews on here almost made us go elsewhere. But we were looking for a new kid-friendly establishment after I accidentally flooded the restrooms at Chick Fil-A, so we decided to eat here. I ordered the yogurt and it was easily the best I've ever had. The silky texture and the smooth consistency as it squelched through my hands was the Nirvana of sensory experiences. Trust me, you haven't played with yogurt until you've gone to The Picky Toddler.

Click to Share:
Unremarkable Files

5 comments:

AnneMarie said...

Hahaha! This is great :)

Tara Maciej said...

This is the best ever! I'm wishfully telling myself that these are all the children of friends of yours and you had a blast writing them!

Anonymous said...

Ma...I wanna go there.

Jenny Evans said...

Absolutely. I interviewed them all and everything. I swear.

Anonymous said...

Why did Evelyn post 2 reviews, one positive ad one negative?
Must be a troll.