7 Quick Takes about Keeping Things Clean, Destroying All the Music I Like, and Truth in Advertising on My Front Doorstep

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

Happy Good Friday! I am really looking forward to this weekend, and not just because Phillip was out of town this week and is finally home to fix everything the kids broke while he was gone.

Later today I plan to make these Easter rolls with the kids. You put a marshmallow in the middle and bake, then the marshmallow disintegrates in the oven so the roll is empty like Christ's tomb on Easter morning. Plus, it tastes really yummy because marshmallows.

Do you have any traditional Easter foods or special Easter traditions that help your family focus on Jesus (even if they are eating Reese's Eggs while they're doing it?)

—2—

In spite of what I said about spring cleaning, we did, in fact, do some deep cleaning. I put the little kids down for a nap, wrangled the older ones into helping me with the promise of a movie and a treat afterward, and together we tackled a list of chores that needed to be done in the kitchen.

They organized cabinets, washed walls, and wiped down all the appliances while I worked on scrubbing what was probably 15 years of dust cemented to the tops of the cabinets with grease. Super-fun.

My arms were sore for days afterward, but I look forward to not stirring up allergies when we put the Christmas garlands up there this December.

When we finished the kitchen was sparkling, and my kids got to experience first-hand the feeling of utter rage that consumes you when you bust your butt cleaning and then somebody wanders in to get a snack, leaves fingerprints all over the fridge, scatters dirty utensils everywhere, and spills a tub of yogurt on the floor. 

I think that's the best way to prepare them for life in the real world, honestly.

—3—

As a reward for spring cleaning well done, we watched Coco. It was a visually beautiful movie and I enjoyed the family-positive theme. I'd recommend it to anyone, but probably especially if you're Mormon since Mormons will love the tie-in with family history and knowing your ancestors.

We were planning to have a treat with the movie but it was the end of the grocery-shopping week and there wasn't much in the fridge, so we had to work with what we had. Which, in this case, meant gluten-free brownies with a flaxseed egg substitute.

I genuinely hesitate to hit "publish" on that for fear that questions will be raised about how humanely we're treating our kids.

—4—

My toddler moved into a front-facing car seat. Like everything he's ever had, the seat belonged to his older siblings before him and was a little dusty from being in the attic, so I took the whole thing apart, washed the seat cover, and mused about how good he had it because his mom was literally scrubbing the belt buckles of his "new" car seat with a toothbrush for him.

Once everything was washed and put back together, I couldn't believe how nice it looked!

For about 20 seconds, until he instantly spilled his snack all over it. Just in case I was harboring any illusions about having nice things.

—5—

My kids were messing around after dinner one night and put on one of my swing dance CDs from college. 

(It's a little-known fact that I was an avid swing dancer in college, and I think I was actually pretty good. Which you would never in a million years guess, based on the fact that when I go to my friend's Zumba class I look like I'm trying to get a spider out of my shirt.)

The cover of "Jump, Jive, an' Wail" by The Brian Setzer Orchestra came on, and after a while one of my kids asked, "Is this song really about drunk driving?"

I was so confused until I actually listened to the chorus, and lo and behold, she was right: when they sing "jump, jive and" it does sound remarkably like "drunk driving." Now I can't unhear it.

—6—

I saw the best welcome mat on the Facebook page of my friend So-So Mom (okay, her real name is Crystal). She's got 7 kids and knows exactly where I'm coming from.

Awesome doormat product image from Hi, I'm Mat

Our welcome mat is getting a little threadbare and I've already requested this for my birthday.

Maybe then I'll get fewer shocked comments from the random utility guy who can't fix our furnace without saying, "Woah! Another one!" every time a child rounds the corner.

—7—

In addition to Easter being this weekend, we're also going to be spending most of Saturday and Sunday camped out in our living room watching General Conference on the Internet.

That's our twice-a-year opportunity to hear directly from the prophet and apostles of my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a.k.a. Mormons.) You are all officially welcome to join me if you'd like.

Conference only occasionally falls on Easter weekend, but I love when it does. I generally find it harder to focus on Jesus at Eastertime than I do at, say, Christmas, so I appreciate the help of General Conference. After all, we are literally listening to 8 hours of one person after another talking about the Savior and aspects of His gospel.

Yes, the kids will get a little antsy and trash the house, but there will also be snacks and spiritual uplift — and I can't wait.

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12+ Kids' Books and Movies that Model Positive Family Dynamics

If you gave me a soapbox and told me to get on it, I'd probably start talking about the importance of good family relationships. A lot of things can help or hurt in forming these relationships, but one we don't always think about is the media's influence.

After all, kids have limited life experience — but TV and books give them access into other peoples' homes and lives! If they see the same scenario playing out over and over, then it gradually becomes what they see as "normal."

Which can be great if we're talking about getting kids comfortable with characters who have disabilities or are maybe of a different race or from a different culture than they are.

It's a big problem, though, when negative or dysfunctional family relationships are the thing getting normalized. Unfortunately, the media too often shows us that siblings don't get along and kids and parents never see eye-to-eye.

If we see that enough, we start to believe it. And so do our kids.

Questions to Ask About Family Values in Media

I screen new books before my 9-year-old reads them. Why? I'm not so much worried about sex and violence, since there's only so much of that that can make it onto a shelf in the children's room at the library.

But I am flipping through the pages and asking:

• Is there a stereotypical bratty younger sister or a mean older brother here?
• Does the main character treat his siblings badly even though he's a "good guy?"
• Is the main character rude to her parents?
• Are the parents set up as one-dimensional obstacles to what the main character wants?
• Does the main character see his parents as guides? Does he ever go to them for help when there's a problem?
• Do the siblings ever work together? Help each other? Have fun together?
• Does the main character think positively about her family? Does she love them?

Family-Friendly Media Recommendations

It's kind of depressing, but there simply aren't that many books, movies, and TV shows I've come across that show the kind of family dynamics I want my kids to think are "normal."

So my very first advice about the media would be to limit it, especially television. We don't own a TV, and the lack of positive family dynamics on the screen is one reason I'm not in a hurry to get one.

With that caveat in mind, though, I do want to make a few recommendations:

Books

Magic Tree House books by Mary Pope Osborne follow a brother and sister who have adventures together time traveling in their magic tree house. Educational and good for grades 2-3.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis is a fantastic story with four siblings who love and look out for each other, even when one of the siblings doesn't do the right thing all the time. I'd recommend the Narnia books for about 5th grade and the movies for age 8 and up.

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket is a little dark, but the sibling dynamics can't be beat. The kids rely on each other and work together (even the baby) to unravel the mystery of their missing parents. Good for grades 6-8. I highly recommend both the movie adaptation and the Netflix miniseries, too.

Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling. Of course Harry's home situation is comically bad, but since he's virtually adopted into the cozy and close-knit Weasley family I included this one. The siblings are friends and nobody can love them all like Mama Weasley (although I think the books show this dynamic better than the film.) The series is good to start reading in about 4th grade.

The Boxcar Children books by Gertrude Chandler Warner are about four orphans who look out for each other and solve mysteries together. Good for grades 2-5.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. There is a deep and special bond between this brother-sister pair who travel through time and space to save their father and bring him back home. Good for grades 5-8.

Land of Stories by Chris Colfer. This four-book series begins with a pair of 12-year-old twins who discover a book that transports them to the world of fairy tales. Ideal for grades 3-5.

Movies and TV

The Incredibles (PG, 2004.) A family of superheroes have to use their powers to work together and save each other. Mom loves dad, dad loves mom, kids love each other and everybody loves the kids.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (G, 1971.) I haven't seen the newer remake, but I don't know that it could hold a candle to the sweet relationship between the main character and his Grandpa Joe in this classic story. (Plus, the kids who boss around their parents are clearly "the bad guys" and get their comeuppance at the end.)

The Sound of Music (G, 1965.) I don't think you can get much closer than a group of 7 siblings who go around singing together. I love how the siblings in this movie spend a lot of time together and always look like they're having fun doing it.

The Princess Diaries (G, 2001.) Throughout the movie, the teenage main character goes rock climbing with her mom, shares her feelings, gives her hugs, and goes to her for advice when she's got decisions to make. When Grandma enters the picture, the teenager takes her out on a day trip for fun.

Coco (PG, 2017.) There's some heavy family tension at the beginning, but in the end the family comes together. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and great-grandparents work together with the main character. The overarching theme of the movie is that family is the most important thing and we never leave each other.

Older TV shows like 7th Heaven and Full House. In the 1990s, several popular sitcoms were based on functional, loving families. If you can get past the synthesized theme song, every episode shows that the best way to solve your problems is to look for guidance and help from your siblings, parents (and in Full House's case, aunts and uncles, too.)

I'm not including a list of books or movies to avoid, because even media with less-than-stellar family dynamics might have other merits. Maybe they're funny or educational or teach about other values.

And ultimately, they're just a drop in the bucket. Your kids will survive just fine as long as (1) their exposure to unhealthy family dynamics in the media is limited and (2) they have a lot of positive experiences with their own families.

My kids tell me that siblings in books "always" fight, but they also know it's just fiction because in real life their own brothers and sisters are their best friends.

A Word of Caution about Books/Movies About Families

There are two types of "family values" type books that in general, I do NOT like, and that's worth mentioning here.

The first is anything with the theme of squabbling siblings who go through something and learn to like each other at the end. It's supposedly heartwarming, but the problem is that 95% of the book is them fighting. Just when they learn to be a happy family, it's over. I much prefer media where the siblings are already friends, or there is already a strong parent-child relationship, and that is the backdrop for the story.

On the same note, I'm also not a fan of most "I'm Going to Be a Big Brother/Sister" books. The token scene about being jealous of the new baby plants the idea in a child's head that having a sibling will not be a positive experience. (Sort of like how my kids would never have thought to be scared of monsters under the bed if they hadn't read a hundred books about it first!)

By paying attention to the media that goes into our kids' ears and eyes, I think my husband and I are helping the kids develop healthy relationships with us and with each other.

Rest assured, they still argue, have bad days, or are just plain grouchy sometimes. But they play much more than they fight, and this note my 6-year-old secretly left on her 11-year-old sister's bed suggests that we must be doing all right:

Message on the pillow says "I LOVE YOU" and in Post-It notes it adds "WITH ALL MY HART."

If that doesn't warm my "hart," I don't know what does.

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7 Quick Takes about Funny Names for Vegetables, Shameless Escape Attempts, and Thinking About Opening an Art Museum in the Dining Room

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

If you haven't ever cooked with baby bok choy before, I highly recommend it. I say this because first of all, your kids will call it "bonk choy" when they're being dead serious and it's hilarious.

Second of all, when you cut off the stems you'll get this nifty little rose-shaped things.

I made a bok choy stir-fry this week and set the stems aside, but Phillip, not knowing that I wanted them, tried to throw them away. I admit I may have been overreacting when I screamed and dove across the kitchen to save them.

My 13-year-old, curious, asked, "Why do you want those?"

"They look like they'd make cute little stamps to do with your younger siblings."

"See, Mom? You are crafty."

I thanked her (although 'crafty' is probably the last way anyone would describe me) and then asked, "Wait, did you say 'crafty' or 'crappy?'"

"Both," she answered.

—2—

Right now my house is full of these things.

The preschooler figured out how to fling these fuzzy ponytails across the room using the slingshot method, and he's getting pretty good at it.

The evidence of his practice is all over the house, and it's pretty impressive how far and high he can shoot them. Right now there's a bright blue one perched on the windowsill at the top of our two-story living room.

Judging by how often I get around to dusting the ceiling fan that's at the same level, the ponytail is now permanently a part of the window fixture and we should just start decorating around it.

—3—

Well, it's the beginning of the end. My 1-year-old figured out how to crawl out of the Pack n' Play we use as a naptime crib.

The other day I put him down and went upstairs to read to his siblings, and several minutes the door swung open and he was standing there with all his stuffed animals in his arms like, "Hey, what's up?" It's like he wasn't even aware he was not supposed to be there.

I thought maybe that was just a one-time thing but now he's getting really fast at it. Yesterday I changed his diaper, put him down for a nap, and before I'd even reached the trash to throw away the diaper he was already halfway up the stairs to go play.

—4—

At my annual physical they called me in to the exam room right away, but then I had to sit there for 25 minutes waiting for the doctor.

Which ordinarily would have been fine except for the fact that it was really cold in there and I was freezing my butt off in a tissue-paper thin gown the whole time.

It was extra-ironic because one of the things I wanted to talk to the doctor about was the exaggerated cold response of my Reynaud's, which makes my fingers and toes go numb whenever it's chilly.

—5—

In an effort to help us all live more sustainably and keep things out of landfills, I recently learned that an organization in our town is sponsoring quarterly "fix-it" events. You bring in your broken stuff and their volunteers try to get it in working order again, for free.

One, that's a great idea.

Two, does anyone know where I can rent a huge flatbed trailer so I can put my entire house on it and bring it over there?

When I used to see those "oversize load" trailers carrying houses on the freeway I used to think they were modular homes on their way to the assembly site; now I know that they were just moms like me on their way to the fix-it shop.

"Don't mind me, just on my way to the fix-it!"
Photo for illustrative purposes, courtesy Wikimedia Commons.

—6—

Speaking of things that go into the landfill, let me talk a little bit about party favors.

You know the cheap plastic kind that they make in China, ship all the way over here, and sell at Party City in a bag of 100 that costs a dollar? Then they go home with your party guests and break after .02 seconds so you throw them in the garbage?

I'm sorry, but I just don't understand the point.

We recently received some of said cheap plastic party favors and I launched into my standard lecture (see above.) "On a scale of 1 to 10," I asked my daughter, "How much joy would you say that lame plastic thing brings you?"

Now when my children like something, they say that it "brings them 10 joys." This is going to make it significantly harder to KonMari the house now.

—7—

Sometimes I wish my house was an art museum so that when I came across things like this I didn't have to clean it up. I could just hang a plaque beside it that said:

When My Mom Was in the Shower

2018

Mixed Media: red oil pastel, graphite pencil, Mickey Mouse sock on hardwood and drywall.

It's, like, conceptual art. You probably wouldn't get it.

At least thanks to Google I've learned how to remove all of this and have mentally added it to my list of how to clean everything out of anything.

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The No-Stress Way to Pack School Lunches (That Your Kids Will Actually Eat)

I used to get up on weekday mornings, stumble into the kitchen, and try to slap together a few semi-nutritional lunches while barking orders at the kids to get ready for school.

They were rushed, I was stressed, and if we were lucky I'd barely manage to throw their packed lunchboxes after them out the door as they ran to the bus stop. And then when they came home in the afternoons, I'd find half the food untouched and uneaten, and into the garbage it would go.

I didn't think too much about this system. I hated packing school lunches, but it was what it was, and this was how everyone did it, right?

One day I was talking to a friend about a completely unrelated topic, and she mentioned "Oh, my sister and I used to do that when we were packing our school lunches in the '80s..."

I was practically blinded by the lightbulb that went off over my head.

What if my kids packed their own lunches? Not only would it be less stress for me, but it would mean that they would choose things they actually felt like eating that day! I was so excited to start right away.

Developing a School Lunch Packing System That Didn't Suck

If this was going to be a truly stress-free endeavor, though, we needed an organized system. Luckily for me, organized systems is what I do. I love creating systems.

The first order of business was to make lunch-packing a thing to do the night before, not the morning of. Then there would be no last-minute "I don't have time to make a lunch!" or "There's nothing in the fridge!" or "I can't find my lunchbox!"

The second thing was to lay ground rules on what the kids were allowed to pack in their lunches. If they packed whatever they wanted it could be a disaster, so we designated bins in the fridge and filled them with approved foods. If it was in the bin, they were welcome to take it to school.

How It Works In Our House

The details are different for everyone, but I think in general a system like this one could make most people's weekday mornings run about a bazillion times smoother.

When they come home from school, my kids have a list of things they have to do before they're allowed to play on the computer: things like homework, chores, practicing their instruments, and packing their lunches.

It's just part of their after-school routine. Usually their lunches are packed and in the fridge by dinnertime. Because screen time.

What to Pack: Stocking Up for the Week

On Saturdays or Sundays, the kids and I prep all their lunch foods for the entire coming week, except sandwiches, because those get soggy. Of course I make them help.

Other than the hour or so I spend chopping, cooking, and portioning into bags, I'm not involved with school lunches for the rest of the week. (And I could spend even less time if I sent less homemade stuff and more prepackaged convenience food.)

To make sure the kids' lunches are fairly balanced, I designated three bins in the pantry or refrigerator. The rule is that the kids have to take one thing from each of these bins:

• Dry snacks. We like muffins (my favorite sneaky healthy recipes are these and these,) tortilla chips, crackers, pretzels, veggie sticks, granola bars (again, sneaky healthy one here,) popcorn, or banana bread.
• Fruits and vegetables. My kids' favorites are apples, grapes, grape tomatoes, berries, cucumbers and dip, carrots and dip, or bell peppers and hummus.
• Dairy. Sometimes we might have string cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, or pudding. If we have ham in the fridge they like to have ham and cheese cubes skewered on toothpicks. (We also stick hard-boiled eggs in there on occasion so now they think eggs are a dairy food. Oops.)

Each lunch needs to have a snack from each bin, a drink, and a sandwich. Making the sandwich is the most time-consuming part, but it still only takes a few minutes. 

The fruit and dairy bins in the fridge. This doesn't have to be fancy to work, folks.

What Age Can You Start This?

I started this system when my oldest was in elementary school. Her younger siblings have always packed their lunches from their first day of kindergarten.

If you're not sure your kid can do it, try making a picture checklist of everything that needs to be included in lunch, put it in a plastic page protector, and hang it on the wall. Ask them to go down the list, checking off each item with a dry erase marker. They might surprise you.

Do Your Kids Complain About Making Their Own Lunches?

No! Actually, they seem to like it. They've all told me at least once how their friend's mom keeps sending them something they don't like, and they're glad that never happens to them. (And I feel for the friend's mom, who has to keep throwing that thing away every day after school!)

They like the independence and being able to invent creative new sandwiches or food combinations. And because of the system we have in place, it's not an arduous task, either. It literally takes 5 or 6 minutes a night.


Once we hit on this no-stress system of school lunch packing, our mornings changed instantly and I would never go back to the old way of doing it in a million years.

The kids like choosing their own lunches, it's less work for me, and school mornings involve at least a little less yelling. Now if only we could keep their shoes and jackets from going missing overnight, things would be just about perfect.

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7 Quick Takes about Quirky Things New Englanders Do, Stress Balls, and the True Price of Cheap Toilet Paper

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

I can't confirm my suspicions, but I think Phillip is purposely scheduling work trips around the weather so I have to be the one to snowblow the driveway.

My kids, however, were thrilled about getting 15" of snow in one day this week.

With an idea I got from one of the smart parents on the blog's Facebook page, I told the kids to put on all their snow gear and we headed for the playground. (After I spent 100 hours clearing the driveway, that is.)

They had a blast there because the snow was so deep you could jump off the equipment or tumble down the slides and not get hurt. They even figured out they could ride the sled down the snow-covered stairs and through the tube slide.

So I'm basically the world's funnest mom now.

Just me, waiting for my kids to finish playing at the park.

—2—

New England is a funny place, with odd things you won't find anywhere else. Such as candlepin bowling.

In candlepin bowling, the ball is about the size of a bocce ball with no finger holes, and the pins are harder to knock over because they're skinny pillars.

I knew that, but I wasn't informed before we went that the game also has different rules than regular bowling AND we had to score it the old-fashioned way on a piece of paper.

I wanted to cry when the bowling alley proprietor handed us a printed sheet on how to keep score and walked away. Doing math is the last thing I want to do with my recreational time! Plus it was a Friday night, and like most weeks, my brain was completely fried by Tuesday afternoon.

Luckily, my teenager came to the rescue and kept score. We had fun once we got going.

—3—

My daughter made stress balls at a church activity a few weeks ago by filling balloons with rice, and they've been migrating around the house being played with by various children ever since.

But it turns out that homemade stress balls are, ironically, extremely stressful because you never know when one is going to explode and shower rice all over the room.

I know that now.

—4—

Just in time for National Password Day yesterday, I was forced to create a new password for one of my online accounts.

Considering that the account is for printing out 75 cents-off coupons for Scott toilet paper, the password requirements seem excessively secure.

On the plus side, I suppose T#27$@9d3 is a pretty good password because nobody will ever be able to guess it, remember it, or enter it correctly. Including me.

—5—

I love going to church as a family and I think one of the most important things I can do as a parent is take my kids to church, but to be clear, between all 8 of us there's a whole lot of wiggling, whining, and general shenanigans going on in our pew almost every Sunday.

This week was no exception, so I admit my first response to hearing my 4-year-old's distressed, "Mom?!?" was to shush and roll my eyes. Then I looked over to see him sitting there with a horrified expression on his face and the sole of his shoe in his hand.

I was about to ask how it happened, but the question never got asked because at that moment, the 1-year-old tried to play with it, the 4-year-old yanked it away, and the 1-year-old had an epic temper tantrum complete with full-on face-down wailing on the floor.

And that's why I love church with kids. Sometimes we sit in reverent contemplation of God's word; sometimes we go all Hunger Games over the detached sole of a shoe. You never know which it's going to be.

—6—

I've been doing a little bit of cleaning up around the house and behind a cabinet I found this artwork that had fallen behind it since the last time I cleaned back there. So like, when we moved in.

I really enjoyed this one, which features a Googly-eyed monster in a Santa hat saying "Roar Hi I'm a monster:"

Hooked on Phonics worked for me!

 And this one, in which I seem to be sporting an exceptionally awesome flat-top:

This cultural obsession with "thigh gap" is getting ridiculous.

Usually when I clean an out-of-sight place I find petrified food or something expensive that we already paid to replace, so this was a nice change.

—7—

In looking at the calendar, I noticed our elementary school has had an inordinate number of pajama days already this year. I like it.

I'm a huge fan of Pajama Day, because sending your kids to school in what they wore last night makes the mornings go So. Much. Smoother.

Other days that the school could institute to make my life easier would be Poor Oral Hygiene Day (Oh, you forgot to brush again this morning? Cool, guess what day it is??) and Drew All Over Myself With Markers And There Wasn't Time To Take a Bath Day.

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An Open Letter to the Mom in Love You Forever

Dear Mom in Love You Forever,

Recently I picked up a copy of your story at the library, feeling like I should introduce my 1-year-old to the classics. I keep hearing the name of your book and I think it even won some awards, and I generally respect decisions by the people who give out those sorts of things.

Obviously, you're a devoted and loving mother. I can see that right off the bat. There you are, rocking your newborn baby and singing:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always, 

As long as I'm living

My baby you'll be.

Here's how it all began.

Girl, you are preaching to the choir. That so-soft-you-can-barely-feel-it newborn skin is worth peeing a little when you sneeze for the rest of your life.

I turn the page, and he's a toddler already (and in retrospect it does seem like it happens that fast.) And of course, you're there, too, sneaking up to his bed to cradle him and sing "I'll love you forever."

I can't blame you for crouching at his bedside, eyes glinting like a starving lioness about to pounce on a wildebeest. I want to gobble up those flushed little cherub cheeks myself. And he's not even mine — you must have the willpower of a Buddhist monk to refrain from eating him whole.

Note: you can also walk into children's rooms.

Then your little boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. I gave you the benefit of the doubt for as long as I could, but when he went through puberty and you were still rocking him secretly in his sleep, I knew I was looking at a mother in pain.

Take it from me: I know how your heart aches when you catch a glimpse of your gigantic, hygiene-challenged teenager and realize the little boy waddling around in footie pajamas offering you bites of soggy graham cracker is gone.

Part of you is proud, but the other part wants to lock your arms around his knees and wail "DON'T LEAVE ME!" Motherhood is hard like that.

Sometimes, you're gonna need to pound down a pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream and cry over his kindergarten artwork for a while before you realize it's pretty great after all watching your tiny people become big people who do amazing things.

Plus, no more diapers.

I really wanted to see you have your Cherry Garcia moment, but page after page, you wrap yourself in denial and continue rocking your increasingly enormous son back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

I sense disaster, and I also suspect this is a getting a little too dysfunctional for a children's book.

Your son, getting the heck outta Dodge.

Once he reached adulthood and bought a house across town, I was hopeful.

Maybe he'd let out the slack on that umbilical cord and set some boundaries, or at least start taking a few days to return your texts.

Maybe if you saw that he's grown man who can vote for president and sign his own legal documents without you, and then you could begin confronting your own feelings. Possibly with the help of a trained psychotherapist.

But then you drive over there in the middle of the night WITH A LADDER ON TOP OF YOUR CAR and I don't even know what to believe anymore.

Take a good, hard look at yourself in the rearview mirror right now. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?

I have so many questions, including how you got that ladder up there in the first place.

You are a senior citizen. Most of your peers don't have the mobility to put on their own cardigans without help, and yet you can toss a full-size ladder up over your head and tie it to the roof of your Honda?

No. I cannot suspend my disbelief that much. Who is helping you do this? And WHY?? You have a problem and your enablers are doing you no favors. You all need professional help.

More importantly, if you're lonely, why can't you just invite your son over for Sunday brunch and make passive-aggressive comments about how he never calls like a normal mom?

Do your visits have to be a midnight operation? It says right there on the page that you specifically drive over there "on dark nights." Why do you need the cover of darkness? What is even going on here?!?

It's hard to let go, but you've got to let your son live his life. He will never find a significant other who is cool with this arrangement.

Never.

Me? I've just been crawling in my adult child's window for the occasional snuggle. What's new with you?

The next time you find yourself singing yet another verse of "I love you forever" to your comatose 34-year-old, I want you to remember a few things.

First of all, this co-dependent relationship can only end in one way: with a hernia. Your son appears to weigh 200 pounds and there's no way you can continue to dead-lift him into your lap indefinitely.

(Although you did manage with the ladder, so I can only assume your ankle-length frock is hiding the physique of Arnold Schwarzenegger.)

Second, lasting fulfillment has to come from within. Sure, breaking and entering might make you feel better tonight, but what about tomorrow and all the days after that?

You see, when it comes down to it I'm not so worried about your flagrant disregard for your son's doorbell or his personal life as I am about your flagrant disregard for yourself. He can always get a restraining order, but you'll eventually have to figure out how to live with and love YOU.

Give yourself permission to explore your own interests.

Ones that don't include creeping around your son's bedroom floor in the dead of night. You could write a novel. You could take a pottery class. You could start making modern art out of your own belly button fuzz if that's what you want to do.

The point is, it's never too late to rediscover your own dreams, mom. You can still visit your son, give him an appropriately affectionate hug, and tell him you love him.

During the daytime.

While he's conscious.

With Concern,
Jenny from Unremarkable Files

P.S: Your son clearly suffers from a severe sleep disorder and needs to be evaluated by his doctor. What if the house caught fire? What if he rolled over onto his creepily tiny cat?

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7 Quick Takes about Creepy-Crawly Things Kids Love, Hard Times at the Circulation Desk, and Faking Your Way Through a Basketball Quiz

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

Well, friends, I'm struggling to stay awake today. I'm still recovering from the other night when I got as much sleep as the mom of a newborn, except instead of a cute baby waking me up it was the alarms on the fridge and our home security system going off every 30 minutes.

We had a snowstorm in New England, which always knocks out the power because of all the trees falling on the lines, and every time the power flickered off and back on again everything started beeping.

It was super-annoying, but at least maybe while the kids are out playing in it today I can squeeze in a nap.

—2—

I take my toddler and preschooler to this community playgroup that's pretty awesome, especially during the winter months. It's just a huge room filled with toys so they can get all their excess energy out.

I never think much about this ride-on toy there that my kids love, but I really looked at it this week and realized it was probably the weirdest ride-on ever.

I can't tell you how much it would creep me out having that toy in my house. Just thinking about having to pick it up and move it after the kids go to bed at night gives me the willies.

Also, as a toy it doesn't even make sense. Ride-on trucks or motorcycles or ponies I get; kids are obsessed with them and they actually can be ridden. But who was the guy who said, "Yeah, but you know what kids would really love? Riding on a giant worm." Where does an idea like that even come from?

—3—

Someone told my 4-year-old that you die without sleep, and it's all he can talk about now. I tried to explain that you would only die if you went for a long time, like a week, without any sleep at all, but I don't think he gets it. Every time I say it's naptime, he nods sagely and says "So we don't die."

On one hand, I don't want him to be scared that he'll keel over the next time he skips a nap. On the other hand, it's an excellent bargaining chip. So I'm torn.

—4—

Our public library is getting new shelves in the children's room so everything is totally locked down and off-limits, which we unfortunately didn't learn until we were already there and my boys were both ready for some quality time with the train table.

They took it pretty well, and although they were confused at why we had to turn around and leave as soon as we got there, there was no screaming. Which is always a plus when you're in the quietest place on earth.

At dinner that night as I described the process of boxing up all the books and then putting them back on the new shelves, my 6-year-old said "Being a librarian must be HARD! That's why I'm going to be a gymnast."

Which is, now that I think about it, probably why there are so few librarians that make it to the Olympics.

—5—

My 9-year-old has been taking apart electronics to see how they work. It's pretty fun because his newest interest means I get to hunt for electronic and mechanical devices at our transfer station every time I drop off the recycling. (We have a little shed where you can leave such items, so don't go crazy imaging me diving headfirst into dumpsters or anything.)

I brought home a random VHS tape for him to dismantle and almost died laughing at how the kids crowded around me oohing and ahhing over it because they'd never seen one before.

Generally speaking, I support and encourage his curiosity, but I have to admit it sort of hurt my writer's heart to see him destroying this keyboard. Even if it was already broken.

Now whenever anything breaks around the house, my son pounces on us asking if he can ferret it away to the basement and take it apart.

—6—

My 13-year-old had a basketball-themed night for her weekly church youth group. She got the 3rd highest score on the "basketball quiz," and I couldn't help but wonder how in the world that happened, since she knows absolutely nothing about basketball.

She showed me the quiz and it turns out she figured out most of the answers by guessing or with inductive reasoning, and she answered the question "Name a professional basketball player NOT previously named in the quiz" with the name of a basketball player from the next question. Because technically, he wasn't previously named.

So she may never make it to the WNBA, but she can kick your butt in a court of law by exploiting your loopholes any day of the week.

—7—

Phillip and I and a couple of the kids went to our 11-year-old's orchestra concert. We sat in what I thought would be the best place to see our daughter as she performed, which also happened to be right next to the fancy audio recording equipment.

I was terrified that we would make noise and ruin the recording. Even though we'd left the two youngest at home, we are a family of talkers. If we think of something funny or interesting, we just have to say it right then. We'll die if we don't.

(I say "we," but I actually mean "me and the kids." Phillip doesn't even like watching movies with me because I'm leaning over making sarcastic comments the whole time while he's trying to enjoy it. And apparently it's genetic because our kids have it, too.)

Anyway, I'm happy to report that we kept our stream-of-consciousness commentary to a minimum during the concert. I'm unhappy to report that from where we sat, our daughter's face was 100% blocked by a music stand, anyway.

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