Friday, November 17, 2017

7 Quick Takes about Unrealistic Time Frames, Slowly Allowing Amazon to Control Every Aspect of my Life, and the Problem with Bouncy Balls

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?


A friend gave me three big buckets full of apples and I thought, "Great! Let's can some applesauce! I'll crank this out in the morning and still have time to go to the grocery store before lunch."

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

It's like I've never even been to my life.

I guess I forgot that not only do I have to cut up and core all the apples (Pampered Chef peeler for life,) I also have to cook the apples, mash them up, sterilize the jars, fill the jars, process them 5 at a time in a boiling water bath, mop the floor, and bathe the kids who've been rolling around in the sticky apple pulp all morning and touching everything like it's their job.

It took all day.

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
It really seems like I did more work than this...

The kids are expressly forbidden to eat any of the applesauce now because it took me so long. We will just look at the jars and appreciate them.


Our kitchen counters are a lovely forest green formica courtesy of 1995 (we are legally required to start singing TLC's "Waterfalls" every time we look at them.) Anyway, the strip on the side fell off and has been sitting in our when-I-get-around-to-it pile for a while.

The other night Phillip finally got around to it while I was finishing something up on the computer. I was vaguely aware that there was a lot of noise and goings-on in the background but not really paying attention, and then I turned around and saw this:

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Modern art installation right in the middle of my kitchen.

I guess I hadn't thought about how you were supposed to put a clamp on the side of the counter after gluing it... but not to worry, Phillip's an engineer and he had it covered.


Check out this fear-mongering piece of propaganda advertisement that came in the mail:

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Logo of sneaky summer camp blacked out because I don't want to give them free advertising.

So if I'm reading this right, and I think I am, the only way to combat my kids' inevitable mental self-destruction is to send them to summer camp. And not just any camp  it has to be this specific one because it's THE LAST SAFE PLACE. Seriously. They would for sure be kidnapped and murdered at literally any other place.

What a relief to know! Where is my wallet?!

Also, who is put together enough to be making plans for summer vacation right now? I don't even know what we're having for dinner tonight.


Speaking of being totally on top of things, I dug out our fall decorations and realized once I went outside to put them up that the front porch area needs a little TLC.

Our spring wreath of fake forsythia blooms was still hanging on the door. Sitting on the porch was a decorative gourd covered entirely in blue paint, for purposes still unknown to me. And our door is full of dents and dings because a few weeks ago the 3-year-old whacked it senseless with a tennis racket for no discernible reason.

We don't even play tennis.


I'm a die-hard Amazon shopper, but I always hesitated to buy clothes online. It just seemed like it would never work.

My daughter needed some clothes for her orchestra concert, and instead of driving around to a couple of different department stores I decided to give Amazon a shot and only buy things with free returns, just in case.

And now I'm a believer.

Online shopping is infinitely faster, and if you have to return something you can print off the return label and have your kids run it out to the mailbox for the mailman to pick up. I think the second half of my life has begun.

Once I embrace online grocery shopping, (which may take a while because I'm still fighting it,) I may never leave the house again.


As we finished dinner, Phillip and I were leaning back in our chairs and talking about what we should do with our evening now that soccer practice is over and we have our weeknights back again.

Luckily, my son answered that question for us a few minutes later when he put his bouncy ball through the living room ceiling.

You kind of have to fix a gaping hole in your ceiling ASAP in the cold of November in New England.

(As I lay down to get a picture, my little boys tackled me because hey, Mom's on the floor and it must mean she wants to play.)

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

The really annoying thing is that our living room ceiling happens to be two stories tall. I have bad balance (like, really bad) so that rules me out on the ladder, and Phillip is afraid of heights so it's not exactly an ideal situation.

He patched up the hole, but now we need to do texturize and repaint so it matches the rest of the ceiling.

Given our to-do list and how much Phillip enjoys the ladder, I figure we'll probably be pointing out the ugly patch to our grandchildren thirty years from now and saying, "Your dad did this when he was your age, way back before we had flying cars you could control with your mind!"


We're having a problem with the 1-year-old right now. He sneaks off to quietly poop in his diaper and tries not to let us find out. Then he gets a diaper rash, and by the time we discover he needs a change it hurts him, which reinforces his desire to hide it from us next time.

It's a vicious cycle.

So we've asked the other kids to be on high alert and report back to us if they suspect a dirty diaper. We like to remind them about their new responsibility by quoting a variant of the Department of Homeland Security's motto: "If you smell something, say something."

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Rosie said...

Uuuuugh that diaper rash cycle is the worst!!! It always happens with my toddlers, except the one who potty-trained herself at 18 months (it's all downhill from there...)

Katy said...

Always fun to see what is happening at your house. I believe the poopy diaper smell is nicely masked by your homemade applesauce smell. :)

Anonymous said...

No online sacrament meeting so even if you get your groceries online you'll still need to leave the house once a week for church.
Lynne Nicholson UK

AnneMarie said...

I'm so impressed with your applesauce! I rarely make applesauce homemade any more because I get so discouraged by how tons of apples don't make as much applesauce as I think they should.

I wasn't really a believer in online clothes shopping until I was pregnant with my lil' guy, and my mom wanted to buy me some maternity dresses off of this great secondhand website she found. My experience buying a swimsuit off Amazon only confirmed that online shopping is amazing. I still prefer to try on clothes before I buy them, but if there's free returns it's just not that big of a deal!

Jenny Evans said...

Maybe I can Skype in??

Just kidding. Sort of.

Jenny Evans said...

There is pretty much no downside with free returns. I have no idea why I didn't embrace it earlier.

Rachel said...

Applesauce making with my grandma every year is a lifelong that my much younger cousins get to be a part of now. She has this hand-cranked machine that spits the peels out one side and the sauce out the other and turning that crank was a highlight of my childhood. The real problem with her homemade applesauce is that you can never eat the bland yuckiness of store-bought applesauce ever again.
My dad lives in hope eternal that my mom will never figure out how to buy things online, because he knows that then she will no longer hate shopping. I've offered to teach her because I like upsetting the family equilibrium. ;)

Diana Dye said...

I once bought 8 purses on Amazon before I found the perfect one. Took two months and four trips to ups but I still consider it a win that I didn't have to step inside a store. Here's my favorite mousse recipe. It makes a lot.

Jenny Evans said...

Hey thanks! In case anyone reading this is totally confused about the mousse recipe, it's from a prior conversation. ;)

Jenny Evans said...

Isn't that the truth! My kids throw up in their mouths at the thought of eating storebought applesauce.

Kim said...

if you want to make applesauce an easier endeavor I highly recommended a victorio strainer. I have an old one that belonged to my grandma. no peeling or coring necessary.

Jenny Evans said...

That's what my friend with all the apples has! I definitely want to go over and see it in action.

Marilyn said...

I second the love for Amazon free returns. So revolutionary! And have you tried Zappos for shoes? Free returns and free one day shipping. I'll order like 10 potential pairs for my older kids (I still just buy the cheap shoes at Payless or Target for the littles, because they grow out of them in 6 months anyway), have a big try-on party, and send the rejects back immediately. It is THE BEST. I do the same thing for myself.

Jenny Evans said...

I've only just started with Amazon but that sounds so good I'll have to try branching out next time my kids grow out of their shoes. Which should be about 27 minutes from now at the rate they're going.