Wednesday, August 23, 2017

31 Inconvenient Truths About Parenthood

Parenthood is one of the strangest jobs in the world. It's hard to even explain how raising little people can both fill and empty your bucket at the same time.

We love our kids and wouldn't trade the privilege of raising them for the world, but the fact is that there are certain inconvenient truths about the whole business. 

These truths leave us frazzled, exasperated, and exhausted. They drive us to hide in the bathroom with a package of cookies at 9 AM. They make us wonder if we're losing our minds.

Murphy's Law for moms and dads is a real thing. If something can make a mess, it will. This hilarious look at mom life and parenting will make you laugh today! #truths #funny

What are some of these inconvenient truths? Well...

1. Right after you mop, the kids drop their toast jelly side down.

2. Saying "don't drop that" guarantees it will be immediately dropped.

3. Saying "be careful" guarantees someone will immediately get hurt.

4. The second you start sweeping crap into a pile, everyone in the house is seized by an urgent need to walk right through it.

5. Babies love to spit up in freshly-washed hair.

6. Answering the phone is like sending out a Bat Signal: Help, Children! Someone needs to solve all your non-urgent problems and listen to a long story about Minecraft!

7. To a toddler, a pile of folded laundry looks exactly the same as a mosh pit.

8. When using public restrooms, young children always choose to pee and poop in two separate visits.

9. Much like an object in motion stays in motion unless it encounters an outside force, well-behaved children continue to be that way until someone comments on their good behavior.

10. You'll never be able to find the tape again.

11. Before you even put away the Windex, your kids' hands are all over that streak-free glass like white on rice.

12. They remember the ONE time you let them do that forbidden thing forever.

13. The amount of time you spend on a meal is inversely proportional to the amount everyone likes it.

14. Kids don't hear you bellowing about emptying the dishwasher, but they can sense you unwrapping a granola bar across the house through two closed doors.

15. Little kids put their shoes on the wrong feet 80% of the time.

16. Just as you're leaving the house is every kid's favorite time to poop.

17. Your child always requests the same thing for lunch. Except for the day you just assume and make it without asking.

18. You'll only find the match after you throw that sock away

19. The minute you tell someone about your awesome system for doing anything related to the kids, it stops working.

20. When you put away the winter gear for the season, there's a freak snowstorm.

21. Your kid reacts to your chicken broccoli casserole like you're making him drink antifreeze, yet he willingly eats a Cheerio he finds on the floor at the pool changing room.

22. Also boogers.

23. Just when you get a smooth bedtime routine going: BAM! Daylight Savings Time.

24. The day before family pictures, your kid runs into the coffee table and gets a black eye.

25. When you reschedule family pictures, he spills something all over himself on the way to the studio.

26. Siblings will fight over whichever color cup there's only one of.

27. If you say out loud that your family hasn't gotten sick in a while, someone starts barfing within the hour.

28. The day after you clean out your minivan, you need every single one of the items you purged.

29. Grabbing a camera is a great way to make kids stop whatever cute or funny thing they're doing

30. The kids wake you up early when you think you could maybe sleep in. If they actually do sleep late, you'll get up at 5 AM to pee

31. By the time a child learns to put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher, she moves out.

Is parenthood worth it? Of course. It's quite honestly the most fulfilling and meaningful job there is. But nature's got to control the population somehow, so things can't be too perfect.

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AnneMarie said...

So true!!! I really feel you with #4 right now. My little guy is only a year old, but he's already figured out that the best place to walk is right into the middle of the dirt pile I'm sweeping up. Even if it causes him to walk a roundabout way, he just has to walk through it every time.

Jenny said...

My so. Does this too. He sees me sweeping, waits until I've got a good pile going and then her sprints through it or tries to eat it.

PurpleSlob said...

Lol!! I feel your pain, Jenny!! going thru it the second time, as a live in grandparent, is even better/worse!

Jenny Evans said...

It's all in how you look at it.