Monday, October 3, 2016

A List of Things Nobody Has Done Around Here

When I stumble upon something that's mysteriously wet, sticky, messy, or broken, like any parent I do some investigating to find out who's to blame. And the really weird part? After all my checking around, I usually find out that nobody  did it.

I know, it's so odd. You'd think with 6 kids in my household that somebody would be the culprit, but no. It's astounding.

A  List of Things Nobody Has Done Around Here -- One mom's quest to find answers to who left a wet towel on the floor, once and for all.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Here's a short list of the things nobody has done around here lately, and I know because I've asked around. Nobody did it.

  • Left the bathroom light on
  • Put still-folded clothes in the dirty laundry hamper
  • Scattered dump trucks and shovels from the sandbox all over the backyard
  • Tracked in mud from outside
  • Drew goatees on all the baby dolls
  • Scratched the word 'HI' into the dining room table
  • Removed the little kids' stool by the bathroom sink
  • Used the toilet without flushing
  • Used the toilet without flushing AND there's no toilet paper in it
  • Left a full gallon of milk out on the table
  • Opened a second and third jar of salsa before using up the first
  • Got graham cracker dust in the computer keyboard
  • Poked holes through every eyeball and nostril in every photo on their sister's bulletin board with a pushpin
  • Failed to latch the baby lock on the game cupboard and now there are 347 board game pieces everywhere
  • Left a library book outside in the rain
  • Got a pair of the baby's pants stuck on the ceiling fan
  • Dropped ice cubes on the kitchen floor and let them melt
  • Put an empty cottage cheese container back in the fridge
  • Removed all the couch cushions 10 seconds after I just put them all back on
  • Dumped sand from the sandbox into the kiddie pool
  • Drew a butt in the dust on the back windshield of the van
  • Broke my sunglasses
  • Deposited their dirty dishes in the sink after a long-winded lecture to the entire house about the function of the dishwasher
  • Spattered toothpaste in a 4-foot radius around the sink
  • Poked their finger in the butter
  • Thought the sofa was the perfect place to drape a wet towel
  • Gave the 2-year-old a full glass of water with no lid
  • Set the new toilet paper roll on top of the empty tube
  • Left a scooter lying in the driveway to get run over
  • Keeps logging me out of my email account
  • Wiped a booger on the wall
  • Took the springs out of all the chip clips
  • Brought sticks in the house that I'm finding everywhere
  • Left the fridge open
  • Emptied the toybox in the baby's crib
  • Moved the cooking utensils from the kitchen to the living room
  • Put a shoe filled with Hot Wheels cars in my underwear drawer

After reviewing these and other incidents that purportedly not one single soul in our house has done, I may have more questions than answers.

But I know one thing: I'm sure glad none of that stuff was done by any of my children. This "nobody" guy sounds like a real juvenile delinquent.

Click to Share:
Unremarkable Files


Ann-Marie Ulczynski said...

This is hilarious. And the salsa thing? That's totally me. I don't know how it happens, but I'm the only one opening salsa and there are three open jars in my fridge.

Alicia @ Sweeping Up Joy said...

I feel like I officially morphed into my own parents when I heard these words coming out of my mouth, "I didn't ask who DIDN'T do it. I asked who DID do it!" Surprisingly, this did not prompt a confession. I guess I need to accept that Nobody is really the culprit. :)

Andrea said...

Nobody lives at my house too!

Shannon @ Of The Hearth said...

Yep! There's never a dull moment when nobody is around.

Unknown said...

Nobody has some original behaviors. He or she should be evicted.

Marina @ Parental Journey said...

I love the list! Mr. Nobody is living in my place too! I would love to finally meet him!

Queen Mom Jen said...

Wow, I think you have some real undiscovered talent in your family. I am impressed with the ceiling fan/ baby's pants one #happynowlinkup

jeremy@thirstydaddy said...

I may be dating myself, but there was a recurrent gag in the old Family Circus comics about a little ghost named "Nobody". He must be quite busy because he causes a lot of havoc around here also #thetruthabout

Unknown said...

Haha, sounds like you have a poltergeist - who's been keeping you VERY busy!! #thetruthabout

Unknown said...

True DAT! I have 5 littles and no one EVER fesses up to ANYTHING....there must be tiny, angry gnomes in our house....


Unknown said...

I don't think I've ever seen such a list of household misdemenours!! That Nobody is an absolute menace :-) Also very creative... Thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout Jenny and really good luck tracking you know who down!!

PurpleSlob said...

LOL!! I must confess, it was me with the butter! I sowwy.

Crystal Green from Sharing Life's Moments said...

Kids are such a wonderful joy. I was the only child growing up, and every time I denied something my mom would say Nobody came to visit again. This brings back memories of my childhood. Amazingly, I haven't used the whole Nobody Did It on my kids. This post made me decide it was high time to do it.

Jenny Evans said...

I'm actually dumbfounded that you haven't had a visit from Nobody to mess up your house yet! How is that even possible??

Jenny Evans said...

You read my mind. Last year I wrote a post called "Your House Is Haunted... Or Maybe You Just Have Children."

Jenny Evans said...

Me, too. Our ceiling is in a room that's two stories tall. Now that's talent.

Jenny Evans said...

Around here it's "Don't tell me what s/he did. Tell me what YOU did." Different houses, same story.

Unknown said...

Hahahaha! It's definitely true that the more kids you have the less any of them did. Your kids are angels...and "nobody" needs a good talking to! Thanks so much for joining us at the #happynowlinkup!

Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) said...

Lol, this had me chuckling - I have a similar list of things that nobody did. That nobody is certainly full of mischief at times! #thetruthabout

skinnyandsingle said...

In all fairness, it was me who put the new roll of tp on top of the old one. I do that all the time. :) cute post found you on Friday Frivolity :)

Jessica Powell said...

Hehe, this post had me nodding along. We too are haunted by that nobody who is intent on making a mess! :D

Thanks so much for sharing over at #FridayFrivolity too.

Unknown said...

Probably related to the "lawnmower man"