19 Things All Moms Know

Motherhood is inevitably followed by a lot of other things: messy buns, a purse filled with Cheerio dust, a permanent sleep deficit that will last longer than the national debt for starters.

But it also comes with a very specific set of knowledge.

If you're a mother, you know...

1. The location of every restroom in every store you have ever visited.
2. That pee is sterile.
3. What pennies being dropped into the upstairs toilet sounds like.
4. That it's possible to love someone with all your heart and still call them by the wrong name 60% of the time.
5. Never to make eye contact with a small child while rocking them to sleep. Ever.
6. That getting ready for a spontaneous afternoon out takes the same amount of time as packing up for a move to France.
7. Exactly how many minutes are left until naptime.
8. And bedtime.
9. That the price of doing jumping jacks is changing into a new pair of underwear.
10. That the car carts at the grocery store are a hernia just waiting to happen.
11. Just how disturbing most fairy tales and nursery rhymes actually are.
12. The whereabouts of at least 8 single socks scattered around the house.
13. That kids can actually will themselves to throw up if you try to make them eat against their wishes.
14. What your preschooler's face looks like exactly 5 seconds before pooping her pants.
15. How to nap while covering both your face and your groin at the same time.
16. The names and backstories of way too many animated talking animals.
17. That child ears are tuned to the frequency of a candy bar being unwrapped.
18. How to "read" a 14-minute picture book out loud in 4 minutes, 37 seconds.
19. That the roads in hell will be paved with clear Legos.

While we're on the subject of things all moms know, I probably don't have to tell you that your kids have broken something and/or made a giant mess while you've been reading this. 

Because you already knew that, didn't you?

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