—1—
Wonder what it would look like if Batman settled down and became a family man? I don't, not any more.
The family Batmobile. |
I'm envisioning road trips with all the Batkids in the back singing "Nananana nananana" and Batman making scary eyes in the rearview mirror and yelling, "So help me, I will turn this Batmobile around right now if you kids don't knock it off back there!"
—2—
Phillip was out of town all last week and returned late Friday night.
Saturday, his first full day back, was lovely. He let me sleep in, took all the kids to the park (leaving me a quiet house and a breakfast smoothie in the fridge,) took the overflowing trash to the dump, helped us with a cleanup effort in the basement, and then we went out and totally had ice cream and waffle fries for dinner.
If that's not the best day ever, I don't know what is.
—3—
At the ice cream place, they have some random farm animals in a pen nearby you can visit. My kids like going over to look at them through the fence after they finish their ice cream.
And is it just me, or is everyone on a diet these days?
"Please don't feed my friends, we are all trying to lose weight. Thank you." |
—4—
Sometimes I think my life reads a little like the script of a sitcom because of, for example, scenes like these:
Scene I
INT. BEDROOM, EVANS HOUSE
PHILLIP has fallen asleep at 9:30 at night while JENNY nurses the baby. JENNY puts the baby in his crib.
PHILLIP
(waking up)
Want to watch a movie?
JENNY
(confused)
You were asleep just now.
PHILLIP
Yeah, taking a nap so I can have a magical evening with my wife.
Yeah, taking a nap so I can have a magical evening with my wife.
JENNY
(still confused, unsure of whether he's joking)
Uh... do you really want to spend time with me, or are you just being weird?
PHILLIP
Can't it be both?
(winning smile)
(winning smile)
Scene II
INT. LIVING ROOM, EVANS HOUSE
PHILLIP enters from the garage, where he is dismantling some old outdoor lights they replaced a few weeks ago so he can take them to the dump. He is holding a few dozen panes of glass from the lanterns.
PHILLIP
Do you want these glass panels for anything? A craft or something?
JENNY
(stunned, stuttering)
I... don't do that.
PHILLIP
(shrugs)
Okay. But if I had a Pinterest wife,* she'd be all over this.
*Phillip absolutely does not have a Pinterest wife.
—5—
As you know, I'm late to basically everything. Sometimes I try to change my ways. I don't really want my friends to have to tell me that the thing is a half-hour earlier than it actually is so I'll be on time.
Anyway, I was determined not to be late to the airport to pick someone up. I got on the freeway, only to realize there was an urgent diaper situation in the backseat that couldn't wait, so I pulled off at the next exit.
I parked in the lot of our favorite grocery store, changed the diaper, and got back on the freeway and headed home — just like I do every week when I go grocery shopping. Except I was supposed to be going in the opposite direction, to the airport.
So even though I left in plenty of time, because of the 20-minute detour I took to drive to the next town, change a diaper, and go back home, I was still not on time. See what happens when I try?
—6—
En route to the airport I saw a sign reading, "This is a Pokemon-free highway."
Seriously, is this a problem? (Don't tell me, I know it is. I just fear for our society.)
—7—
The kids and I went to a pick-your-own blueberry farm, but the picking experience wasn't as fun and lighthearted as I would've liked.
For some reason they were closing the blueberry field early that day, so we were picking as fast as we could in the sweltering heat with sweat trickling down our backs and the employees periodically bellowing at us "The fields will be closing in 10 minutes!"
I think they had bullhorns, you guys.
After they chased us out with riot shields and tear gas (kidding) and we paid for our berries, we went over to the little petting zoo they also have on the farm where thankfully, no one got yelled at.
At first my 2-year-old kept calling the goats "cats," and when we corrected him he started calling them "dogs." By the time we left he was correctly calling them "dotes" (which I assume meant 'goats') or, more often, just giving up on the whole confusing business and calling them "animals."
Feeding the cats, I mean dogs, oh whatever, they're animals of some sort. |
Also, I enjoyed seeing this "Conscience Fund" canister near the register where you paid for your berries. According to the bucket, this is for making a donation when you had "more than a sample in the fields."
These guys are not kidding around. |
8 comments:
The sitcome script cracked me up.
That big toyota looks kind of like my parents' car...they should totally put a batman decal on it. Funny story: Dad's car was a 2-door 1970s classic sportscar when they brought me home from the hospital. He and Batman both had the same experience of upgrading to family-friendly vehicles, I guess...
So sorry about the blueberry farm people. The way people act can make such a difference in any experience--I mean, there's even a nice way to say there's only 10 minutes left, ya know? Blueberries are delicious, though...
Batmobile!!!! I love it. The first car that my husband and I owned was a used black Honda Accord with a spoiler thing on the back, and I dubbed it the Batmobile-because I love Batman, and I also wanted to be able to say, "Jacob, to the batmobile!" (which I did). Sadly, it got totaled after a year of owning it and our "new" car isn't black, so the Batmobile is no more. It was still quite fun, though.
I love this sitcom script! I'm not a Pinterest wife either. I have my moments of "Oh my goodness, this piece of cardboard is such a cute color and I could do so many neat projects with it!" And then my rational, minimalist self kicks in and I toss it in the recycling :P
Ice cream and waffle fries sounds like such a great dinner! One time, when I was a teenager, my family had another family over for dinner. It was a pancake bar, and the toppings included ice cream and hot fudge sauce (so yummy!). My entire childhood, we would occasionally do what my mom called "Pippi Longstocking dinners" which would be that sort of thing-bowls of popcorn or trays of french fries. It was a lot of fun. I should add that ice cream is good any time of day. Once, I was on a bus trip with other teens from my church, and we stopped off at a fast food place for breakfast. Did I feel like eating delicious greasy hashbrowns and a biscuit? Nope. I felt like an ice cream cone would hit the spot, so that's what I did.
I've always wanted to go berry picking but haven't ever done it because in Provo there are no berry picking fields. And the diaper thing would totally happen to me.
Batmobile- yes!! I drive by rote too! Basically, the van drives me home!
Bless his heart, goats are very confusing!!
A Pokemon Free road? Eek! But yes, unfortunately there are people who drive and play it.
I love going berry picking. I haven't gone in years.
You have an ice cream place that serves waffle fires and has animals to look at? Holy cow, I am moving! Our ice cream place has ratty overhead ceiling fans and old, uncomfortable chairs.
Glad you got your hubby back :)
Well, the experience ended with a homemade blueberry pie, so I guess it all turned out fine. One of my kids doesn't like straight-up blueberries, so it was really the only responsible thing to do.
We have what we call "Choose Your Own Adventure" meals, where we pull out all the leftovers in the fridge and everyone eats what they want.
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