Out of the Stone Age... Sort Of

To be honest, I probably belong in your grandparents' generation. I fear and avoid new technology, and usually remain clueless about it way longer than it's acceptable for someone my age.

I was late to the game in even getting a cell phone, and when I finally did get one I hung onto it FOREVER, making it embarrassing to even use in public (for pictures, click here, but don't say I didn't warn you.)

Anyway, my old and embarrassing cell phone died in August, and I never got around to replacing it.

Until now!

Combine this new development and the fact that yesterday I finally Googled "what is an Uber driver?" and I'm totally cool and with the times now.

But back to my phone. I was initially excited when it arrived on Friday, but when I opened the box and looked at the sleek new smartphone with a sticker on the front and everything, I got a little scared.

I'd never held my own smartphone before.

I felt as anxious about removing this thing from its box as a normal person might feel about taking their first newborn home from the hospital.

When I ordered it, nobody asked me anything about a phone number. So I guess the first order of business was to figure out what it was, right?

I texted Phillip's phone to see what it was, and no kidding, it was the exact same as our home number with the last two digits switched.

"Cool, I've already got it memorized," Phillip said, but I was mad! Now I couldn't remember either number!

After a few minutes of muttering to myself while Phillip made terribly helpful observations like, "You're overreacting" in the background, I found out how I could get it changed and it only took a few minutes.

Okay. We're on our way.

We've got a number, now the next step is to figure out how the camera works.

I'm laughing here because I didn't know what I was doing. Then I took a picture of myself by accident to prove it.

Well, I'll have to work on that.

Then there's the ringtone. I had Phillip call me to see what it was and practically peed my pants when a really deep male voice started beatboxing at me. Well, that had to go.

So I changed my ringtone and it's charging, and frankly I'm still a little afraid of it. I sort of eye it when I walk by, but the way I feel about it is still kind of like how I avoided using our master bathroom for about 6 months after moving here because it was so cavernous compared to the teeny bathroom in our old apartment where there was hardly room to shut the door.

At any rate, I definitely need a case (preferably a waterproof, shock-proof, explosion-proof, and baby-proof one) so the screen doesn't end up looking like this:

Our iPad: if you're an Evans device, you're screwed.

All in all, I still have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I swipe the wrong way and hang up on someone when I mean to take a call. I text with my index finger instead of my thumbs, and I'm sure I'll take many more accidental selfies in the weeks to come.

I'm expecting to get used to this thing right around the time when smartphones aren't cool anymore and everyone's getting microchips surgically implanted in their ears.

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