Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Dear Kids, Please Stop Talking About These Things

Dear Children,
Dear Kids, Please Stop Talking About These Things -- silly noises, tattling, and complaining about the food... don't you wish you could send a letter like this to your kids to make them quit it at mealtime?? {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Someone has excellent table etiquette
AND is a wonderful yogurt artist!
I've enjoyed very much working with you as your mother, and want you to tell you that I appreciate your compliance with the rules that keep our household running smoothly.

On that note, I'm introducing a new system designed to make mealtime a more pleasant experience for everyone. But mostly me.

Effective immediately, the following topics of conversation are no longer permissible at the dinner table:
  1. Anything that anyone else is doing, unless it will result in death or permanent property damage.
  2. Complaining about food and/or attempting to order à la carte.
  3. Nonsensical noises coming from any part of your person.
  4. Unfair items that happened to you between 30 minutes and 8 years ago.
  5. Extensive discussions about Minecraft.
  6. Bloodcurdling screams (penalties will be waived if a follow-up emergency room visit is required.)
  7. Reporting to me every time one of your siblings violates these guidelines.

Thank you in advance for your co-operation. Your observance of this new system will ensure the safety and mental well-being of everyone at the table.

I look forward to a conversation on a real topic made up of actual words.


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Unremarkable Files


Jenny said...

Add "telling me you don't like or want your dinner and what you want instead."

Jenny Evans said...

It's true, I can't think of a time when I've ever really wanted to hear that at dinner!

Unknown said...

I think you pretty much covered that in point 2! Which means this really is the definitive list! As to whether the list will have an impact on improving overall behaviour and manners at mealtimes and bring an atmosphere of calm and maturity - mmmmm.... good luck! :-) Thanks for linking to #thetruthabout Jenny X

Sharon said...

good luck?! lol. maybe they can be streamlined by a few 'talk to the hand' moments? or better yet! --go talk to "Dad's hand" !!!

Anonymous said...

Perfect! I love your sense of humor.

Jenny Evans said...

I don't know about that. I'd just settle for a meal with less than 5 fart noises (real or pretend!)

Jenny Evans said...

I'm sure there will be plenty of both forthcoming.

Rachel said...

ahahaha! Did you ever read "Cheaper by the Dozen"? This reminds me a little of the father's rule that all dinner-table discussions had to be "of general interest," and would declare any annoying or whiny or parent-critical topics "not of general interest!"...therefore they could not be discussed at the dinner table.

Jenny Evans said...

I saw the movie but I've heard that the title was pretty much the only similarity between the two.

I think I like the father already, though!