Wednesday, June 3, 2015

10 Ways You Know You've Definitely Arrived as a Mother

Labor and delivery nurses must be constantly amused by that deer-in-the-headlights look on the faces of new parents when they first realize  really realize  that they're taking this tiny person home with no instruction manual.

It happens to every first-time parent, no matter how much experience you've got taking care of kids before having a baby of your own. (Seriously, I don't have to pass a basic competency test first? Check in with a supervisor periodically or something?)

But eventually, you get over it. You become a seasoned parent. Somewhere along the line, you begin to own this parenting thing.

Not sure if you've reached that point? Here are some good signs that you've arrived.

  1. You've ever caught your child's vomit. And felt relieved that you did.
  2. You know how to condense a 20-minute picture book down to 5.
  3. You can identify every choking hazard in a room with a single glance on arrival.
  4. You rarely need more than one wipe at diaper change time.
  5. You can correctly diagnose childhood rashes and infections more often than not, without needing to visit the pediatrician.
  6. You've ever used the restroom while holding a small human on your lap.
  7. You can locate the right track on the Frozen CD, listen to your daughter tell you about dissecting an owl pellet at school, and distract the the cranky baby with a toy. While driving.
  8. You've perfected "the look" that will stop misbehaving children in their tracks from across a crowded room. (For at least 20 seconds, anyway.)
  9. You can do everything one-handed including cooking, typing, and unloading $150 worth of groceries from the trunk.
  10. You still don't know what you're doing as a parent, but that realization isn't as scary as it used to be. (Also, you've finally figured out that no one else has a clue, either.)
10 Ways You Know You've Definitely Arrived as a Mother -- If you can say "yes" to these 10 things, that's when you know you've nailed the art of parenthood. {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
They could be gleefully popping bubbles, or running away screaming.
Guess you'll never know.

Did I miss something? Let me know in the comments how you know when you've arrived as a parent!

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Christine said...

6 and 9. Yes.

Moderate Mum said...

Yesterday when we went to baby group I just slung a spare nappy in my bag rather than taking a suitcase full of stuff and I thought, I got this!

Jenny Evans said...

Absolutely! Glad to hear you've made it.

Queen Mom Jen said...


I would add, you haven't "lived" until you have had your first diaper blow out that ends up on your clothes and everywhere while you are shopping at Target....

Unknown said...

Funny stuff! I'm two kids in and I have not mastered the one wipe thing and don't plan on it. I am not ashamed to say I am the germaphobe mom, so I layer it up. We were out riding bikes the other day and my daughter had a runny nose several times and I had nothin'. I mommed it up and used my T-shirt (remember, I'm a germaphobe?). I can do hard things ...

Julie - Happy, Frugal Mama said...

#2 is a necessary life skill. #4...whenever my in-laws had my daughter for the weekend when she was still in diapers, I was always amazed at how many wipes they used. If they weren't watching her for free, I may have asked that they buy wipes for their own house. Those suckers are expensive! I have a friend who cuts them in half. I'm not quite that good. ;)

(visiting from the Shine blog hop)

Jenny Evans said...

I'll fully admit I don't cut them in half, although I've seen it done, too.

Jenny Evans said...

A mother's love knows no bounds. Even wearing their miscellaneous bodily fluids.

Jenny Evans said...

I think in the next few days my daily question on the Unremarkable Files Facebook page is going to be "Under what circumstances was your baby's worst diaper blow-out experience?" I've heard some doozies already.

Unknown said...

Perfect list! I would say the choking hazard and the look are my favorites! And just recently crossed #6 off my checklist this week! I love these witty and truthful post from you, Jenny! It always gives me a chuckle every time. Thanks for sharing :)

Ruthie Gray said...

When using the bathroom without a child knocking on the door feels like a vacation.
When you've had 5-10 rodents for pets. And they've all gotten loose and either stepped on or caught in mouse traps.
When you crank the kid's music CD as loud as your ears can take it in the car, just so you don't have to listen to your 4 year old talk constantly the entire way to Walmart and back. Or hear kids fight.
When you purchase a gigantic SUV just so all the kids can sit without touching each other to decrease the chance of fights.
And yes, the vomit. Always with the vomit. Great post - you've nailed it! (I had four kids - only one is still at home - and yes, I miss those days and wish every bit of it back now. Except the vomit.)

Jenny Evans said...

Yes to ALL of these. And I don't think you ever miss the vomit.

Jenny Evans said...

Congratulations. Sometimes I see those little child seats in bathrooms that fold out from the wall and have a seat belt. Somebody was thinking!

normaleverydaylife said...

Love the book one. I condense as many tasks down to the bare basics as I can. Seasoned parents know what has to be done and what's just fluff! :)

Thisiswhereitisat said...

Identify with nine base frozen hate it) but great post and made me smile X

Amanda said...

I've got everything but 4 and 5. I ALWAYS use more than one wipe if it's a #2. As for 5, I call my pediatrician's nurse's line a lot...and I've been doing this almost 5 years!

Love the light-hearted post! Visiting from the Shine Blog Hop #50

mumturnedmom said...

Absolutely! Although, thankfully, my husband is the one who has crossed off number 1... I don't feel sad at having missed that one!