7 Quick Takes about Pinterest Fails, Signs with Boston Accents, and Other Hazards of Being a Mom

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday!

— 1 —

My children always receive lots of craft-themed gifts. Learn to tie friendship bracelets! Create purses from patterned duct tape! Make your own pop up book!

While they're always excited about the idea of these crafts-in-a-box, in practice what they really want to do is sit around reading, drawing, or playing. We are just not a craft family. 

Sand art kit my daughter received for her birthday in the spring. Of 2012.

So here's how it usually goes around here. They receive one and it goes to our craft graveyard to die dining room, where they have a nice big table for a work surface. The box sits there unopened for 6-12 months until I threaten to throw it away, whereupon the kids spend a happy hour working on it before they never touch it again.

I don't even remember when this paint by number kit
entered our house, but it's looked like this since June.

— 2 —

Then again, I shouldn't talk. Here is my latest brilliant project, making whimsical mosaic stepping stones for our flowerbed. 

Pinterest fail.

What's that you say? You see no stepping stones? No, but this mess did sit on our dining room table for a long time (I won't tell you how long because I'm embarrassed) and the stones are nowhere near finished. 

At this point I'm barely keeping up the thinnest pretense that these things will be done before it starts snowing. 

— 3 —

I need to take my car in to replace a recalled part, but have put it off for a while. Mostly because auto shops should have the line from Dante's Inferno inscribed above the door: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." 

Best case scenario, the repair is quick and I only have to endure 30-60 minutes of containing a teething baby and a toddler in a 10'x10' waiting room with nothing to entertain them except the coffee machine. Wait, that's the best case scenario?

— 4 —

My daughter never stops talking. Most of the time I'm the target of her constant running monologue, but every now and then she'll deflect it into her toy phone. 

Apparently camo and stripes do match, as long as they're both pink.

I overheard her pick it up, yell "7-8-9!" and then say, "Hello? I have a magic phone. I have a phone that's magic so I can't hear you, but that's okay..." and she proceeded to talk the ear off of whoever she was pretending was on the other end. 

Later I asked who she was talking to and she answered "Sawastic Joe," whatever that means. We don't even know anyone named Joe.

— 5 —

I've been noticing lately that there are dust jackets all over my house with no books in them. I don't really understand this. Who has been taking them off, and why are they doing this? 

Does this mystery person find that the books are much lighter and easier to carry without the dust jackets? Or does s/he simply want to be surprised when opening up a random blank hardcover around the house to read?

— 6 —

Usually the messages on those portable light-up signs on the side of the road are about construction, road closures, or general safety reminders. You know, boring stuff. But I passed one on 495 (keep in mind that I live in New England) that read, "Wear yah seat belt. Make yah ma proud."

— 7 —

Last summer I attended a motherhood discussion group hosted at my church. As an icebreaker, the group leader told us to turn to our neighbor and tell her the grossest thing you've ever found as a mother. I don't even remember what I said then, but I know I could top it now.

Gross: Finding poop in the toilet because someone forgot to flush.
Grosser: There's also no toilet paper in the toilet.
Grossest: None of the children will confess to the poop-and-run, but you know that hiding somewhere in the house is a pair of soiled underwear waiting for you to find it.

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