Friday, August 17, 2018

7 Quick Takes about Apologizing to Robots, Cautionary Notes about Water Balloons, and Not Putting Limits on What You Can Be When You Grow Up

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


Lately I've been getting these bizarre telemarketer calls that open with a joke. For example, here's the last one I got:

[phone rings]

Me: [tripping over Duplos and barely making it there in time to pick it up] Hello?

Syrupy sweet female robot voice: Oh my gosh, getting a hold of you is harder than getting my husband to cook dinner!

Me: Uhhhh... sorry?

After a pause, robot voice goes on to say something else, but by that point I'm so confused (and a little irritated that I just got punked by a robot,) I reflexively hang up.

I don't even know what the call is for, so the weird jokes aren't working, marketing execs.

2


It was time for the annual washing of the car seats so I brought in the five-point harnesses belonging to my 2- and 4-year-old and enlisted the older kids' help in taking them apart. (Which, by the way, is probably one billion percent more effective at preventing teen pregnancy than that unit in health class where you carry around a fake baby for a week.)

"Don't worry, you guys," I told the kids as they struggled with all the belts and clips and clasps. "By the time you have kids the car seats will be way better."

My 10-year-old son surveyed the mess while shaking his head and soberly said, "I hope so."

3


We've been trying to get through a busy couple of weeks, but next week I'm going to focus on school supplies.

The plan is to buy everything online this year, (I still have PTSD from that one time I took the kids to Wal-Mart three days before school started) and I've got the lists all printed out and ready.

Well, except for my high schooler.

Apparently there is no supply list for high school. My first reaction was to be elated but my second was... not so elated. I certainly don't miss the lists calling for "Crayola Crayons (the 10-count boxes are fine)" when the teacher knows full well that Crayola doesn't even make 10-packs, and I can do without demands for "24 pencils  TICONDEROGA BRAND ONLY!!!!" in all caps... but it would be helpful to at least have some general guidelines.

Because if you ask a teenager what they need for school the answer will be, "I dunno. Pens, I guess. Some paper. Maybe, like, a folder or something. I'll figure it out." Okay, then. You'd better.

4


My friend Holli has a nice neighborhood pool and a big problem: her toddler hates the water, making it nearly impossible for them to go. Her older kids can't go by themselves because it's not lifeguarded, so being the charitable person that I am, I offered to take them while the baby napped.

Just kidding, it was totally selfish because I wanted to go to the pool and so did my kids.

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
I brought all of these children myself.

I looked like the Pied Piper of Hamlin leading all the kids to the water, and just to make sure the pool would be totally full one of Holli's kids also brought along a giant inflatable flamingo.

5


If I've learned anything about summer, it's that you always think water balloons are a better idea than they actually are.

It starts when you're shopping for something unrelated and see a 100-count package for $1, and before the logical part of your brain kicks in you're tossing one, two, or maybe even five packs in your cart because yay, water balloons! summer memories! Not even thinking for a second that you're going to have to tie all of those balloons with preschoolers clinging to your legs wailing "whennnnn can we do waaaaater ballooooons?"

You poor fool.

Luckily, I remembered that from last time and told the kids we were having a water balloon fight but first they should expect to spend significant time prepping and I expected them all to help. The kids exceeded my expectations, formed an assembly line, and finished 100 balloons in about 15 minutes.

Of course, the actual fight took 10 seconds and three people were crying by the end, but has there ever been a water balloon fight in the history of water balloon fights that went any other way?

6


For the past decade plus, we've had a rectangular computer desk in a small bay window area. If you can visualize a rectangular desk in a bay window, you'll understand why it's been a spectacular pain in the butt: there's a huge gap between the desk and the window where everything constantly falls.

This week we finally got a new computer desk that fits the space (and just like I expected, we found years of lost game pieces, toddler socks, plastic toy food, and marbles when we moved out the old one) and I love it!

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Next we just have to get rid of the ugly file cabinet and printer stand, also relics of our college years.

My 6- and 4-year-old love the new desk, too. They like to fill up the shelves with books, pretend it's a circulation desk, and "play librarian." 

Sometimes they also "play blogger," but that game doesn't last as long because there's only so much they can do without actually knowing what a blog is.

7


My preschooler's Sunday School teachers helped him fill out this "About Me" sheet in class this week:

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

He handed it to me with a proud grin as I picked him up and I looked it over, reading out loud so he'd know I was interested. "Let's see... your favorite color is red... your favorite food is chicken... your favorite animal is coyote and... you want to be a policeman when you grow up"

"That's wrong," he stopped me.

"It is?"

"Yeah. I want to be a coyote when I grow up."

I foresee some problems with his career plans but on the bright side, I don't think that requires a bachelor's degree so we just saved some money on post-secondary education.

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3 comments:

  1. PTSD and Walmart... sounds about right 😂

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  2. Does he want to be the animal coyote or the guy who smuggles people across the border coyote? Because the latter seems kinda dangerous.

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    Replies
    1. I didn't know the latter was a thing, so if that's what he meant then I need to find out what he's watching on TV after we go to bed...

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