Friday, April 6, 2018

7 Quick Takes about Working from Home, Things You May or May Not Find in Phillip's Trunk, and How Ships are Different from Boats

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


I'm writing this while the 4- and 6-year-old are sequestered in their "office," which means that they used a toddler mattress to barricade themselves in the mudroom and are furiously scribbling on stacks of paper on top of a makeshift desk (a.k.a: a diaper box.)

I'm pretty sure they're violating the "only use scratch paper and not new paper from the printer" rule, but they're happy and I get 20 minutes to blog so I guess we both have something to gain from this deal.

2


We've always tried to delay our kids' transition from crib to bed for as long as possible, because I like the security of knowing that at naptime they're securely behind bars instead of in the bathroom methodically dropping all the tampons into the toilet.

But that's all over now, because recently I was woken up at 5AM by my 1-year-old leaning close to my ear and whispering, "Poopy."

While I appreciated the heads-up on the diaper situation before he decided to take matters (literally) into his own hands, I also died a little inside because he's learned to crawl out of his crib.

If anyone needs me for the next 9-12 months, I'll be sitting beside a toddler bed trying to enforce naptime and sobbing into the folds of my black mourning dress.

3


I already mentioned it in my weekend recap, but this past Saturday and Sunday was General Conference.

I always enjoy listening to inspiring sermons from the leaders of our church, ranging from dealing with perfectionism to parenting to getting answers to prayers to doing the small things that actually turn out to be the big things, after all.

But this was also a more historic Conference than usual. You see, I'm a Mormon and we believe in a prophet and apostles leading our church today. Our previous prophet, President Monson, passed away in January, and at this General Conference we sustained Russell M. Nelson to be the new prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

One talk I really enjoyed comes from an apostle who took the opportunity to tell us not only about President Nelson as a person, but also to talk more broadly about what a prophet is and what it means to have a prophet today:


The main audience of General Conference is Mormon so I apologize if it uses some Mormon jargon or assumes you have prior knowledge of Mormonism. You can always leave a question in the comments below or email me.

4


When I got pulled over by the police on the way to my daughter's violin lesson, I was really confused because I wasn't even speeding.

The officer came up to the car window and greeted me with "So what's going on?" And not in a friendly 'hey, what's up' kind of way. It was like how I say it when I walk in on my kids sneaking popsicles out of the freezer. I know perfectly well what's going on. I just want them to admit their guilt.

Judging by the policeman's tone, I was supposed to confess to having a body in the trunk. I mean, it was Phillip's car so I don't know what actually is in the trunk, but still. I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YOU.

So I did what I always do when put on the spot: made a weird choking noise and sat there with my mouth hanging open like an idiot. (Trust me, you'd never want me as your legal counsel.)

Finally he got tired of waiting for an answer and asked for my license and registration. At which point I remembered how to talk and said, "I have no idea why I'm being pulled over. Did I do something wrong?"

He just said curtly, "Give me your license and registration and I'll tell you in a minute."

After he went to his patrol car for a million hours to run my plate and make sure I'm not a serial killer, he came back to inform me that Phillip's inspection sticker was expired and gave me a warning.

So it wasn't my favorite encounter with law enforcement, but at least he didn't check for bodies in the trunk. It's not my car so for all I know there actually is one in there and the joke's on him.

5


If you will, please picture a ship in your mind. You see a big metal vessel floating on the water, right?

Apparently you're not in middle school, then, because 'ship' is a verb now and I am so confused. Here's what I know so far:
  1. If you 'ship' two people you think they should be a couple.
  2. You 'ship' others, not yourself and whoever you like.
  3. But 'shipping' real people is weird, you ship fictional characters from books and TV instead. 
  4. 'Ship names' are when you mash up the names of a couple into a single word (the next time I order return address labels I'm going to use mine and my husband's, which is Phillifer.)
After 20 minutes of exhaustively questioning my kids, I was more confused about 'shipping' than when I started.

So I gave up and made them listen to "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred on repeat. Two can play at the "your generation will never understand mine" game.

6


One thing bloggers struggle with is the feeling that there's nothing new to write about. Every idea, every emotion, every thought, has already been voiced by somebody else. And that's a writer's existential crisis: does anyone even have anything original to say anymore??

Maybe not, but I'll bet this is the only place on the Internet where you can watch a video from General Conference and "I'm Too Sexy" all in the same blog post.

(I haven't Googled to fact-check that yet, but I'm pretty sure it's the case.)

7


FYI, these are the finished documents from my kids' hard work at the office (Take #1.)

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
The 6-year-old says she taught the 4-year-old how to do "fake writing" so he can sign things.

They of course left it all for the janitor to clean up at the end of the day.

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Unremarkable Files

3 comments:

  1. In regards to Take #2, I sincerely hope you spend the next 9 mos growing another new person instead of sobbing over the antics of the most recent one you grew. I like to live vicariously through you as I never had the courage to have more than two kids. So please do this for me. In regards to Take #5 I think your "ship" name should actually be Phillenny (rhymes with villainy) because that almost sounds like a super-power name. I will keep you apprised of any other fantastic suggestions I might come up with. - Kathy Young

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  2. It's so interesting that "shipping" is a middle school thing now. How niche internet lingo becomes mainstream before our eyes! (I've been using "ship" for 10 years now, but only because I was heavily involved in Harry Potter fandom back in the day.) I guess middle schoolers truly are children of the internet, even if they don't use it.

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  3. Shipping! So weird.

    And it’s true. I feel this all this time! Everything in the world has already been said!...but i just have to hope it’s still fun to see the new ways people say the same things! Haha.

    Conference was so great, right? I wish it was 4 times a year instead of 2.

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