I'm pleased to announce that this week, I made it to an appointment earlier than I've ever been to anything before.
I was a whole month early.
Let me explain. All kids starting school in the fall come in for a "kindergarten screening" in the spring. My daughter was both nervous and excited for her appointment on Monday.
Unfortunately, if you look at the calendar you'll see the dates and the days of the week in March and February are the same. So I didn't realize until we were actually in the lobby of the building on February 27th that I'd written down the wrong Monday the 27th. Our appointment is in March, so there was nothing to do but turn around and go home feeling super on top of things.
As we left, my daughter asked, "Mom, is it 'kindergarten screening' or 'kindergarten screaming?'"
No wonder she was nervous.
My 8-year-old participated in his first Pinewood Derby. If you don't know what that is, it's a yearly Cub Scout thing where the boys make little wooden cars from kits and race them against each other.
|Phillip painstakingly weighing and measuring each car to see that the boys followed all the rules.|
|Each heat of the race only lasted 2 seconds so you had to crowd around and try not to blink so you didn't miss it.|
My son's car was pretty cool-looking but unfortunately it didn't do so well. He and Phillip claim that one of the axles was slightly bent and hampered its performance.
|Winner of the "most authentic classic car" award. Love the racing stripe.|
In any case, he still had fun and at least he can say he's doing better than the generation that came before him. In his first Pinewood Derby, Phillip's car didn't even make it down the track and he cried on the way home.
The Pinewood Derby is a family event, and while I looked forward to being fed dinner I did not anticipate the amount of explaining I'd need to do in advance.
First I had to explain to the little kids what a derby was. Then I had to explain that this derby was called "pinewood" because the cars are made out of wood, probably from a pine tree. Then I had to explain that pine trees aren't where pineapples come from. Then I had to Google pictures of how pineapples actually grow because no one believed me.
I was exhausted and we hadn't even gotten to the derby yet.
Rubik's Cubes have become the new cool thing in our elementary school. My son has the classic 3x3 cube you remember from the '70s, but now they also have all kinds of crazy iterations like this:
|Egyptian torture device.|
|Least enjoyable way to spend your free time that I can think of.|
|I don't even know what I'm looking at.|
He's got them all solved except for the evil pentagon and appears to be successfully teaching the other kids to do it.
Occasionally he gets stuck and watches help tutorials on YouTube. In every single one of them, when someone wants you to do a sequence of turns, they say "apply this algorithm."
My 7th grader thinks this is hilarious and now replaces every verb with "apply this algorithm." (i.e: after sweeping the kitchen she goes to put the rug back on the floor and says "Can you move over so I can apply this algorithm?")
The last take makes me think of this video. You'll enjoy it if you're a stickler for how people use words, too:
FYI, if you're running out of ways to procrastinate doing your taxes, there are more Captain Literally sketches on YouTube.
I know the Oscars already happened, but I have a nominee for the world's worst invention: this sippy cup that explodes on contact with the floor.
|At least there was only water in it.|
You know, because kids never throw those things just for the fun of it during lunch.
Does your public library ever play cosmic jokes on you? Mine does all the time.
Right now I'm reading a book called The Collapse of Parenting, which I've reserved through inter-library loan three times but it kept getting sent back because I didn't come pick it up. Seems like I should already have a clue why parenting is collapsing if I can't even get it together to make it to the library 4 minutes from my house.
See? Cosmic joke.
Just like last year, when I checked out a book about helping chronically disorganized boys, called That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week. And then I lost the book.
I'm serious, that really happened.