Monday, October 3, 2016

A List of Things Nobody Has Done Around Here

When I stumble upon something that's mysteriously wet, sticky, messy, or broken, like any parent I do some investigating to find out who's to blame. And the really weird part? After all my checking around, I usually find out that nobody  did it.

I know, it's so odd. You'd think with 6 kids in my household that somebody would be the culprit, but no. It's astounding.

A  List of Things Nobody Has Done Around Here -- One mom's quest to find answers to who left a wet towel on the floor, once and for all.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Here's a short list of the things nobody has done around here lately, and I know because I've asked around. Nobody did it.


  • Left the bathroom light on
  • Put still-folded clothes in the dirty laundry hamper
  • Scattered dump trucks and shovels from the sandbox all over the backyard
  • Tracked in mud from outside
  • Drew goatees on all the baby dolls
  • Scratched the word 'HI' into the dining room table
  • Removed the little kids' stool by the bathroom sink
  • Used the toilet without flushing
  • Used the toilet without flushing AND there's no toilet paper in it
  • Left a full gallon of milk out on the table
  • Opened a second and third jar of salsa before using up the first
  • Got graham cracker dust in the computer keyboard
  • Poked holes through every eyeball and nostril in every photo on their sister's bulletin board with a pushpin
  • Failed to latch the baby lock on the game cupboard and now there are 347 board game pieces everywhere
  • Left a library book outside in the rain
  • Got a pair of the baby's pants stuck on the ceiling fan
  • Dropped ice cubes on the kitchen floor and let them melt
  • Put an empty cottage cheese container back in the fridge
  • Removed all the couch cushions 10 seconds after I just put them all back on
  • Dumped sand from the sandbox into the kiddie pool
  • Drew a butt in the dust on the back windshield of the van
  • Broke my sunglasses
  • Deposited their dirty dishes in the sink after a long-winded lecture to the entire house about the function of the dishwasher
  • Spattered toothpaste in a 4-foot radius around the sink
  • Poked their finger in the butter
  • Thought the sofa was the perfect place to drape a wet towel
  • Gave the 2-year-old a full glass of water with no lid
  • Set the new toilet paper roll on top of the empty tube
  • Left a scooter lying in the driveway to get run over
  • Keeps logging me out of my email account
  • Wiped a booger on the wall
  • Took the springs out of all the chip clips
  • Brought sticks in the house that I'm finding everywhere
  • Left the fridge open
  • Emptied the toybox in the baby's crib
  • Moved the cooking utensils from the kitchen to the living room
  • Put a shoe filled with Hot Wheels cars in my underwear drawer

After reviewing these and other incidents that purportedly not one single soul in our house has done, I may have more questions than answers.

But I know one thing: I'm sure glad none of that stuff was done by any of my children. This "nobody" guy sounds like a real juvenile delinquent.

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22 comments:

  1. This is hilarious. And the salsa thing? That's totally me. I don't know how it happens, but I'm the only one opening salsa and there are three open jars in my fridge.

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  2. I feel like I officially morphed into my own parents when I heard these words coming out of my mouth, "I didn't ask who DIDN'T do it. I asked who DID do it!" Surprisingly, this did not prompt a confession. I guess I need to accept that Nobody is really the culprit. :)

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    1. Around here it's "Don't tell me what s/he did. Tell me what YOU did." Different houses, same story.

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  3. Yep! There's never a dull moment when nobody is around.

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  4. Nobody has some original behaviors. He or she should be evicted.

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  5. I love the list! Mr. Nobody is living in my place too! I would love to finally meet him!

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  6. Wow, I think you have some real undiscovered talent in your family. I am impressed with the ceiling fan/ baby's pants one #happynowlinkup

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    1. Me, too. Our ceiling is in a room that's two stories tall. Now that's talent.

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  7. I may be dating myself, but there was a recurrent gag in the old Family Circus comics about a little ghost named "Nobody". He must be quite busy because he causes a lot of havoc around here also #thetruthabout

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  8. Haha, sounds like you have a poltergeist - who's been keeping you VERY busy!! #thetruthabout

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    1. You read my mind. Last year I wrote a post called "Your House Is Haunted... Or Maybe You Just Have Children."

      http://www.unremarkablefiles.com/2015/11/your-house-is-haunted-or-maybe-you-just.html

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  9. True DAT! I have 5 littles and no one EVER fesses up to ANYTHING....there must be tiny, angry gnomes in our house....

    #happynowlinkup

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  10. I don't think I've ever seen such a list of household misdemenours!! That Nobody is an absolute menace :-) Also very creative... Thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout Jenny and really good luck tracking you know who down!!

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  11. LOL!! I must confess, it was me with the butter! I sowwy.

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  12. Kids are such a wonderful joy. I was the only child growing up, and every time I denied something my mom would say Nobody came to visit again. This brings back memories of my childhood. Amazingly, I haven't used the whole Nobody Did It on my kids. This post made me decide it was high time to do it.

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    1. I'm actually dumbfounded that you haven't had a visit from Nobody to mess up your house yet! How is that even possible??

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  13. Hahahaha! It's definitely true that the more kids you have the less any of them did. Your kids are angels...and "nobody" needs a good talking to! Thanks so much for joining us at the #happynowlinkup!

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  14. Lol, this had me chuckling - I have a similar list of things that nobody did. That nobody is certainly full of mischief at times! #thetruthabout

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  15. In all fairness, it was me who put the new roll of tp on top of the old one. I do that all the time. :) cute post found you on Friday Frivolity :)

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  16. Hehe, this post had me nodding along. We too are haunted by that nobody who is intent on making a mess! :D

    Thanks so much for sharing over at #FridayFrivolity too.

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