Now, I'm only a year into this motherhood gig. I am no expert on anything child-related. I'm not actually an expert on anything aside from how to take sneaky pictures of people in public (I didn't say I was proud of that.)
I have, however, learned in my one short year that teething can reside in the same ring of fire and brimstone that PMS often frequents. Also growth spurts, but that's another post for another day.
Maybe you don't agree with me. That's fine! My family had dinner with some friends of ours a few months ago, and they told us their children never had any bad reactions to teething. I'm still waiting for test results to determine if their children are, in fact, human. Or maybe my daughter inherited her low pain tolerance from me. Anything's possible.
1. Sophie the Giraffe is the baby's version of a hormonal woman's chocolate cake and heating pad.
They cope by gnawing on a squeaky rubber zoo animal. Or if you're my child, you chew on your mother's old Beanie Babies. Whatever works.
Also, pain meds work in both scenarios. Ibuprofen is the universal language that can be understood by all in pain. Praise hands.
2. You make special exceptions.
Cramps? Order a pizza — you don't need to be cooking dinner in your condition! Maybe with a side of a burrito and ice cream? Just thinking out loud here.
Teething baby? Turn on Winnie the Pooh. I know you said you wouldn't be that mother that puts her kid in front of the TV for any reason whatsoever, but we're talking about your sanity here. Any and all distractions from the swollen gum demons are welcome.
Also, another handful of puffs (or as my mother calls them, "junk food for babies") can't hurt!
|MORE PUFFS, mother!|
3. You have something to blame weird symptoms on! Strange stomach pain? Headache? Sudden acne or craving? Check the calendar. Even if the dates are off, it's probably PMS. It just came early! How depressing — better grab a cookie!
Is your baby whining more than normal? Waking up at night? Not napping? Fever? Rash? Drooling? Chewing on things? Sick? Nursing strike? Rosy cheeks? Bored? Disobedient? TEETHING. IT'S ALWAYS TEETHING.
4. You forget every time. Maybe it's just me (it probably is) but every month I am stunned that I'm suddenly starving and cranky. What happened to me? Is it cancer? What is this??
It takes me by surprise every time. I can still tell you the outfit I wore on my first day of kindergarten, but after 15 years I still can't remember my hormones are going to act up every month.
The same goes for babies. Why is my darling, angelic child suddenly screaming at 5 AM? Why won't she take her nap? WHY CAN'T SHE JUST PLAY WITH HER BUCKET OF TOYS AND LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 2 SECONDS?
If you open her mouth, I guarantee you'll see a new tooth poking through, or at the very least some swollen gums. They look swollen, don't they? At least a little more red than usual? It has to be teething. It always is.
Am I wrong? Am I right? Did I miss anything? You can tell me; I can take it. I'll just be over here with my bar of chocolate.