Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Inspirational Thoughts Interspersed with Random Antics from My Kids

Actually, that could have been the title of my blog if I'd thought of it earlier.

Last month was General Conference, a worldwide meeting for my church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) that I suppose you could compare to a series of TED talks for the soul.

The talks were encouraging, the music was moving, and one of my children almost choked on a Mentos. That about sums it up.

Inspirational Thought #1


Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids

Have you ever wondered whether it's even a good idea to bring children into the world with all the scary things that happen sometimes? I personally haven't had that exact question because I love me some babies, but I know what it's like to be paralyzed with fear over the what-ifs

Elder Rasband's talk "Be Not Troubled" happened to be one of my favorites, about how we can overcome fear with love: our love for God, and His love for us. 

Random Kid Antic #1


Every Conference, we get a bunch of snack food and put pictures of the speakers on each treat, and as each one talks the kids get to eat his snack. (I cannot overemphasize how excited the kids are about this. They literally remember the apostles of our church by which snack they were on last time.)

We also have them write down an idea from each talk as they're listening and eating. As an example, see this excessively phonetic one from my 1st grader:

Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids
"Thar are bad thengs hapning but we don't net to bee fraid."

At least she was listening. The 2-year-old was busy throwing Elder Rasband's gummy worms at the TV.

Inspirational Thought #2


Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids

Elder Oaks' talk reminded me of how unique and beautiful God's plan really is. It's simple and all-encompassing at the same time.

I always love a talk that lays out step-by-step our big picture beliefs and then it makes sense why we do everything we do in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Random Kid Antic #2


Since General Conference lasts several hours and there's only so long you can eat fruit roll-ups and take notes, the kids also colored a lot.

We had some intricate mandalas, some multi-colored scribbles, and a Lego superhero coloring page that someone inexplicably decorated with a pickle theme:

Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids
Iron Man: "Wow, it's salty!" Batman: "It's a pickle!" Flash: "It will destroy us all." Robin: "I love pickles!"

As I often tell people, "I have no idea what's going on. I just live here."

Inspirational Thought #3


Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids

It would be very hard indeed to belong my church without learning that faith is a verb. As Latter-day Saints we believe that religion is a living thing that requires our active participation, and only by living what we believe can we ever really come to know it.

As you can probably guess from his name, Elder Uchtdorf is German and in his talk, describes the cure for weltschmerz (a German word for a vague dissatisfaction with life) in three familiar words. And no, they are not "live, laugh, love."

Random Kid Antic #3


Please excuse the appearance of our surroundings. We watched Conference this time in our dungeon unfinished basement, which will supposedly someday be a gorgeous living space and movie-watching area. 

For now it's the receptacle for all household junk and has a flat screen sitting on the plywood subfloor.

Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids

It's not exactly an easy space to fit the whole family for extended periods of time, and when the 2-year-old got bored he started dragging over random junk from all over the basement. Which is why we watched almost all of Conference with this giant red cooler from 1972.

Inspirational Thought #4


Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids

I've thought about this a lot. And how do you build a life that's shaped by what you believe instead of what's on your to-do list? And what does that actually look like in real time?

Elder Christofferson's talk was a nice reminder of what it all comes down to: with a prayerful confirmation that what you believe is true, you can move forward in faith toward making the gospel your compass instead of just a map you sometimes kinda sorta look at when you get lost.

Random Kid Antic #4


Continuing with our Conference note-taking, my 10-year-old summed up one of the afternoon's other talks on forgiving others with this succinct note:

Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids

Naturally I thought this was hilarious because whenever the kids are arguing about something at home, Phillip and I like to start signing a very theatrical rendition of "Let It Go."

This might not seem effective, but it actually is because it quickly stops sibling squabbles by immediately redirecting the full force of both kids' annoyance directly at us. #proparentingtip

Inspirational Thought #5


Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids

As a mother, is this or is this not one of the hardest challenges of life? That was rhetorical. Of course it is.

In her talk "Divine Discontent," Michelle D. Craig talks about feeling the gap between who we are and who we want to be. By following promptings, which is what we usually call those little nudges from the Holy Spirit to do something, we can turn those feelings into something positive.

Random Kid Antic #5


Life with kids is always funny, especially when you’re a Latter-day Saint family watching General Conference. General conference quotes, treats and notes from General Conference October 2018 straight from the Evans household to yours. #generalconference #quotes #inspirational #lds #kids

Looking for a parent-approved way to expend his energy, the 4-year-old was waving his arm during one of the hymns between talks. He was carefully following the movements of the conductor on the screen and then turned around to say, "I'm reducting."

Almost, kid. Almost.

Every six months I look forward to the direction I get at General Conference and the thoughts I have while watching on how I can follow Jesus Christ better. And to be honest, I look forward to the kids' random antics almost just as much.

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Friday, November 16, 2018

7 Quick Takes about Attributing Intentions to My Car It May Not Actually Have, Face Washes for Desperate Times, and Places Not To Take Your Three-Legged Dog

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


Can I just say that this area of my dashboard really stresses me out?


It's always lit up like a Christmas tree and I'm like, "Look, I know I have no gas and my tires are going flat but you continuing to remind me while I'm running 30 minutes late with a toddler kicking my seat is NOT HELPING THE SITUATION!"

It's worse than when I set my GPS but decide to run an errand first and it keeps saying "recalculating" every 5 seconds in that thinly-veiled "you're an idiot" voice.

2


We've had a weird stomach thing going around (and around and around) our family for weeks, which means it probably wasn't the best time for my sister-in-law to come stay the weekend with us.

But Megan had already bought plane tickets and was piggybacking this visit on a work conference, so what else could she do?

It looked like Ground Zero for biological warfare when she walked in. At that exact moment, I was trying not to hurl because I was on my hands and knees mopping up after someone else.

But Megan seemed happy to see us and played with all of the kids anyway, even if I did see her occasionally rubbing Purell on her face like moisturizer.

3



My kids aren't used to having relatives besides grandparents come to stay with us, so my littler ones kept calling my sister-in-law "Grandma."

She's 29, by the way.

After being called 'Grandma' for the fifteenth time, Megan mused out loud, "If I had a baby at 14 or 15 who also had a baby at 14 or 15, I guess it's conceivable..."

Then she laughed. "Horrifying, but conceivable."

4


Everyone was feeling better on the last day of my sister-in-law's visit, so we went to a place near us that is a cross between the world's most beautiful arboretum and a cemetery. We needed to get out of the house and I figured we wouldn't infect too many people there since most of them were already dead.

It sounds weird to visit a cemetery for fun, but I promise the place was gorgeous and so worth the trip. While we were there, we saw several other people obviously on leisurely strolls with their families so we weren't the only ones.

My kids got a kick out of the pictures on this sign at the entrance:

The crazy weekly recap of our family of 8 that will make you say, 'I guess things could be worse!'

All throughout the cemetery, they kept freezing in a running man position and saying, "Oh, no! I'm breaking the rules!"

They also noted you aren't allowed to bring your picnic table, and three-legged dogs on the premises are strictly forbidden.

5


My 14-year-old bought a bottle of root beer after work and was struggling to open it in the car on the way home.

I was giving her a hard time about it, so she pointed the bottle at me and said, "Here, you open it. If you can't do it then I can make fun of you, and if you can then I get my bottle opened. So it's really a win-win."

For the record, there was something horribly wrong with that bottle and even after we got home and cut the seal with scissors the cap still wouldn't budge. I think she ended up stabbing a hole in it with a screwdriver and pouring it into a glass.

6


As I was picking up miscellaneous ponytails and action figures in the kitchen one day, I noticed a random chair in the middle of the floor for some reason.

My hands were full, so I flagged down my 4-year-old and asked, "Can you push that chair to the dining room?"

I'd forgotten I was the one who'd dragged it in the kitchen to reach something on a high shelf, but he looked up from playing cars and gently reminded me. What he said was: "But Mom! You have to put away your crap."

Ah, the joys of hearing yourself coming out of a preschooler's mouth. I was, at least, surprised into putting away my crap, so that's something.

7


Lately one of our kids has been coordinating outfits for all the siblings whenever possible. I love it, and not just because it means we might just be able to get a decent family picture for this year's Christmas card.

It especially warms my heart because it immediately makes me think of something I read in a parenting book called Hold Onto Your Kids. When we feel close to someone, we delight in finding (or making) similarities with that person. It's only when the relationship is rocky that we go out of our way to find (or make) differences between us.

So sure, sometimes my 5-year-old will walk around with toys shoved down her pants just so she doesn't have to share, but on the whole I'm so happy they love each other and get along.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2018

The Progression of Your Despair When Your Kids Get Sick

Having 6 kids is the best, but it makes for some pretty epic battles with communicable diseases.

Even if each person recovers quickly, it still takes weeks to run through every member of our 8-person family, adding up to what feels like a very, very long time of cleaning up bodily fluids and fighting the urge to dunk my head into a vat of Clorox.

But in the vein of turning my pain into art, here's a little chart I drew up so you, too, can know what to expect when a virus inflicts a week or more of projectile misery upon your house.

Okay, a puking kid isn’t really that funny. But when you’re a tired mom or dad with a vomiting child, a little bit of sick kid humor goes a long way. Here’s a hilarious chart showing the progression of the despair parents feel when the stomach flu hits their family. #sickkid #parentinghumor #stomachfluhumor #funny #momlife

According to a Pinterest course for bloggers I've been taking, people like articles offering free printables or something. So if you want a dowloadable PDF of this helpful chart for future reference, just let me know. 

Of course I won't be able to reply until we're through Day 7. I'll be busy constructing a funeral pyre for soiled underwear.

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Friday, November 9, 2018

7 Quick Takes about Having a Positive Attitude, Jewelry Slogans, and Learning What Pinterest Actually Thinks of Me

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


I wasn't exactly thrilled about Phillip going on back-to-back work trips, but I was determined to have a positive attitude, anyway.

The first day he was gone, my alarm didn't go off to get the first two girls up for school, I woke up 45 minutes later to a kid standing at my bedside clutching his stomach and moaning, and when I jumped in the shower to get ready to drive the girls to school because they already missed the bus, my toddler wandered into the bathroom covered in diarrhea.

But hey, we're being positive, right?

Funny and always guaranteed to make you feel better about your own crazy life, this week's 7 Quick Takes is here! #7qt #7quicktakes #hilarious #lifewithkids #reallife
My life in comic book form.

2


This week I took one of my kids to get their picture taken at J.C. Penney. I do it every year.

I highly recommend this instead of buying school pictures. I used a coupon and got 7 different poses for $16.92. With 6 kids this averages out to less than $120 per year, and I always have a current picture of each of them on the wall.

And if I'm allowed to brag, I also paid with a gift card I got at a 10% discount which I bought with a credit card that gives me 1.5% cashback, so I'm basically walking out with free pictures.

3


As we were walking through the mall after pictures, my 12-year-old spotted a big poster at Kay Jewelers with their slogan "Every Kiss Begins with Kay" (don't pretend you didn't just sing it in your head.)

"No it doesn't." She said, "'Every kiss' begins with E."

And that's when I realized I'd given birth to Dwight Schrute.

Funny and always guaranteed to make you feel better about your own crazy life, 7 Quick Takes is here! #7qt #7quicktakes #friday #hilarious #lifewiwthkids #reallife

4


Phillip got the kids into some YouTuber who calls himself The King of Random. He does, well, random stuff. The episode I watched with them he was using Silly Putty as a mold to make a miniature bust of himself.

You don't get much more random than that.

It's not educational in the strict sense of the word, but I think it does open the kids' minds to exploring the different properties of materials, forming hypotheses, and thinking through the mechanics of how to build things so I suppose it's cool.

Also, my 7-year-old keeps forgetting what the channel is called and keeps asking to see The King of Crazy.

And I'm like, "Sure, I'm about to mop the floor. You want to watch?"

5


We are supposed to be done with soccer right now. That was the deal when I signed up. That was always the deal. I've been counting down the days to the last soccer game of the season like an uncomfortable behemoth of a pregnant woman counts down to her due date.

However, it's been such a rainy fall that games keep being cancelled and then they schedule a make-up game for a week or two later. Why do they keep scheduling make-up games??? It takes away the entire point of being excited for bad weather that closes all the fields.

6


I was going to help a friend replace some rotten boards on her deck and asked, "What tools do you need to pull up the boards?"

She told me the necessary tool was called a 'pry bar,' which sounded familiar to me so I figured there might be one in Phillip's workshop. He's a tool hoarder so I shouldn't have been surprised when I went down there that he had not one, not two, but three of them.

I gathered up the pry bars and just as I was about to leave, my 7th grader came home. "What are you doing here?" I asked, surprised since it was only 11 AM.

Apparently she had a half-day from school, and I had no idea. If you want to know what the world's greatest mom looks like, see my bio picture.

All I'm saying is, I felt a little better when we got to my friend's house and she called the dog her son's name while she was yelling at him.

7


I'm not very knowledgeable about Pinterest, but I was surfing around trying to learn more about how it works.

When I clicked my cursor in the search bar, a list called "ideas for you" popped up underneath with recommended topics it thought I would like. Kind of like Google autofill, but I hadn't typed anything yet.

The very top one was "jokes hilarious stupid."

I'm trying to be offended but that actually sums up this blog and most of my Internet usage pretty well.

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Monday, November 5, 2018

I Never Thought My Children Getting Older Would Make Me Sad, But It Does

The night before our annual camping trip in August, my husband was working late. The kids had gone to bed and I was all business, getting everything packed and ready to go.

I was piling gear on the bed, racing through a mental checklist of everything we could need for every just-in-case scenario, when I looked over at the wall.

Six bags, one for each child's clothing for the next two days, were neatly lined up beside the dresser.

I'd double-checked each one for the requisite pairs of underwear and moved on, and only now did I notice Dolly (a 3-foot-tall stuffed doll that has been with us for a long time) perched atop my 6-year-old's bag.

My daughter must have decided she didn't want to be without Dolly for two nights and sneaked out of bed to put her with the camping bags when I wasn't looking.

Feeling a stab of nostalgia mixed with pride, I smiled at remembering how when we first got Dolly she was about the same height as my daughter. Now Dolly seemed so small, and my daughter was getting so big.

The smile faded as the next thought followed, like the second shoe I hoped would never drop: And someday she won't want to bring Dolly along at all.


All the littleness is gradually leaving my house, and I'm not ready.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

These days, it's almost physically painful to acknowledge that someday there will be no more dolls going camping with us.

The stick figure drawings I'm currently finding all over the house will disappear.

There won't be any more cute word mispronunciations, and Mother's Day gifts made from handprints will stop coming home from school.

I'm not ready.

When the kids were little, I was so smug. When someone mentioned feeling sad over their kids growing up I thought "Oh, come on. That's what children do: they grow! That should make you happy, not sad."

Easy for me to say, when I still had the privilege of so much time. My kids were all still young and every day stretched on forever, punctuated only by naptime in the afternoon.

I had jumped enthusiastically into the role of mom at age 21 and loved it. I loved it so much I did it 5 more times in the next twelve years.

Yes, there was physical exhaustion, stress, and frustration, but to be honest it paled in comparison to how much I loved the rhythm of everyday life with a gaggle of little kids underfoot.

Some women have an identity crisis after having their first child. Who am I? They wonder after their lives are turned upside-down to cater to a newborn's demands. What is my purpose? And how do I find the joy in this?

The irony is that I never asked myself those darkly existential questions when I first became a mom, but now that my oldest is 14 and my youngest is no longer a baby, I find them keeping me awake at night.

On good days, I try to focus on the positive. Now that the kids are older, we can have actual conversations about current events, politics, and religion. I love watching them pursue their passions and make their own choices. We can even play board games without worrying about someone eating the pieces.

But on the bad days, I wonder if the rest of motherhood is going to be this bittersweet. I look into the future and see the slow and painful end to the best time of my life.

That sweet period of time when all the kids were happily playing under the same roof, instead of running from school to play practice to a part-time job in preparation to leave it, was magical.

Even at the time, I knew it. I took nothing for granted. I don't think I would've done it any differently if I could go back.

But that's just it: I can't go back.

Time marches on, and my tiny people becoming big people means the conclusion to life as I've known it for a decade.

Of course, I'll always be their mother. I know there are great things to come. But right now, I struggle to see how anything could ever replace the magic of a toddler's little hand in mine.

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Friday, November 2, 2018

7 Quick Takes about Cruel Ironies, Precarious Ways to Harvest Your Fruit, and Corny Jokes from a Word Nerd

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


So I came down with a stomach bug over the weekend. I'll spare you the details, but you know how when you throw up you're mentally unable to ever again have the last thing you ate before getting sick?

It was chocolate.

This is probably the worst thing that ever happened to me.

2


How was trick-or-treating at your house? As we were running around trying to get everyone out the door on Halloween night, my 7-year-old approached me in her black cat costume and said, "I have an idea for my costume."

"What is it?" I asked, struggling to fasten my 2-year-old's costume over the layers he was wearing as he screamed in protest.

"Like, maybe I could have a tutu?"

"Okaaaaay...."I said, racking my brains for the whereabouts of a tutu and simultaneously trying to figure out why a black cat would need one in the first place.

"And I could wear, like, a leotard? And ballet shoes? Basically, I really want to be a ballerina."

When a child tells you this at T minus 5 minutes, you first make this face:

7 Quick Takes about Cruel Ironies, Precarious Ways to Harvest Your Fruit, and Corny Jokes from a Word Nerd  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

And then you do this:

7 Quick Takes about Cruel Ironies, Precarious Ways to Harvest Your Fruit, and Corny Jokes from a Word Nerd  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

3


Once we got going, though, it was a fun night. The black cat forgot about her costume troubles and had fun.

The 4-year-old and 10-year-old recycled their respective king and banana Halloween costumes from last year. (The 10-year-old is probably going to wear his banana suit every year until he grows out of it, at which point he'll probably just buy a bigger one.)

The 12-year-old came up with a gypsy costume that I absolutely loved, complete with a glowing crystal ball she fashioned out of a battery-operated tealight and the spherical light fixture above our toilet.

The 14-year-old made a token effort at thinking up a costume and then didn't, so she just posed for pictures with all our other kids in costume saying she was "a genius" and we left it at that.

Also, we saw two trick-or-treating kids dressed like Batman and being driven door-to-door in a golf cart emblazoned with the Batcar symbol.

4


And then there was the 2-year-old, who was a surgeon. He wore a little pair of scrubs, a surgical cap, and a stethoscope from the dress-up bin, and he called trick-or-treating "going on a surgeon."

The toddler misunderstanding makes this such a cute phrase, but combine it with the adorable fact that his lisp means he pronounces it "thurgeon," and I think you can understand why we'll never correct him and trick-or-treating in our house will be called "going on a thurgeon" for the rest of his life.

5


Last week, Phillip's work held a gigantic mandatory safety training expo. His company is extremely safety conscious.

I mean, they do have laboratories and chemicals you have to be careful with, but they even have rules like you have to use the handrail when you go down steps.

It's pretty intense.

The day after he told me about the safety training, I was reading my preschooler a picture book about trucks and recognized right away that this scene would cause someone in HR at Phillip's company to have a heart attack:

illustration of a person picking apples from a ladder inside a truck's trailer - 7 Quick Takes about Cruel Ironies, Precarious Ways to Harvest Your Fruit, and Corny Jokes from a Word Nerd  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Not an OSHA-approved method for apple picking.

Actually, the way she's teetering at the top of that thing while it's haphazardly propped up on a moving vehicle is making me a little queasy, now that I think about it.

6



A few of my daughter's friends were performing in a local community theater production of Shrek: The Musical so we all went to go see it.

I'm not crazy about bathroom humor (which is why I didn't really like the movie) but I think the director cut out some scenes and cleaned it up a little, so I really enjoyed it! It was hilarious and all the characters were fantastic.

Apparently the show made quite an impression on the 4-year-old, too, but not in the way I thought. He had a million questions about the castle guards afterward, who were in about three scenes and had no speaking parts. Kids are funny.

7


I'm kind of a word nerd. I like movies like Stranger Than Fiction and novels like The Eyre Affair that are all about language, writing, and words. I saw an email from a friend looking for people to proofread the novel she's writing for NaNoWriMo and jumped on it. And this silly one-liner made me laugh all day on Thursday:

Yesterday, I bought the world's worst thesaurus! Not only was it terrible, it was also terrible.

I think I may use this joke as a litmus test to be my friend from now on. If it makes you laugh, too, you're in.

Enjoy your Halloween candy, everyone! I know my banana will.

boy in a banana costume eating a large stash of candy - 7 Quick Takes about Cruel Ironies, Precarious Ways to Harvest Your Fruit, and Corny Jokes from a Word Nerd


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Wednesday, October 31, 2018

9 Jobs Newborn Babies Would Be Excellent At

Some people say newborns are just squishy blobs that don't do much besides eat, sleep, and poop, but I don't know about that.

It seems to me like newborn babies just have a really unique skill set that lends itself perfectly to a lot of careers out there. You just have to find the right ones.

A newborn baby in a diaper sleeping - 9 Jobs Newborn Babies Would Be Excellent At

For example, a newborn baby would make a really great:

Demolitions expert. Ever seen the house of a family with a newborn? It's completely trashed: dishes stacked to the ceiling, laundry everywhere, and a gallon of milk going bad under a stack of mail on what used to be the kitchen table. It's an impressive level of destruction, especially when you consider newborns aren't even mobile.

Runway model. Extended relatives will be sending your little fashion icon one haute couture label after another: Carter's, Gymboree, Baby Gap... You might not leave the house for the months at a time due to how busy you are dressing your baby up in cute outfits and taking pictures.

Celebrity. Speaking of pictures, as a new member of the parent paparazzi you will stalk your newborn and photograph him from every conceivable angle in every conceivable location. Not because he's doing anything interesting, either. Just because you're obsessed with him.

Explosives technician. Two words: diaper blowout. Nobody knows more about detonating volatile substances than a newborn.

Political dictator. These tyrants rule with a tiny iron fist to get whatever they want, whenever they want it, and if that means you lose basic rights like hot meals and showers? Then so be it. Talk about absolute power.

Contortionist. Ever look up from changing a diaper and realize your baby's heels are quite literally touching her forehead? There are flexible people, then there are circus performers, and then there are newborns.

Ta-da!

Eating contest entrant. Cluster feeding makes you want to scream, but try to think of it as a training opportunity for your newborn. He can make a lot of money touring the competitive eating circuit and winning contests for that.

Quality control specialist. I have never in my life met anyone as picky as a newborn. It's always too hot, too cold, too loud, too quiet, too still, or too bouncy. If there's even the slightest thing wrong, trust me, a newborn will let you know.

High school dance chaperone. If you need to keep couples from getting too close or sneaking off to be alone, a newborn is definitely the right person for the job. As any new parent will tell you, babies are naturals at shutting down romantic moments practically before they even get started.

You see? All sorts of careers are perfectly suited to newborns and their innate skills. If you're a new or expecting parent, keep this list handy. After all, it's never too early for your baby to seek gainful employment and start saving for college.

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