7 Quick Takes about Living with Wildlife, Impeccable Timing in Physical Therapy, and Taking Out a Second Mortgage for Chocolate Bunnies

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It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

Well, here's how my Monday morning started:

I don't know how smart opossums are, so I was worried that if I released him close by, he might find his way back into the garage where he's been squatting for a week.

But we decided that driving somewhere and dragging a full-sized trash can into the woods would look pretty shady (illegally dumping garbage at best, disposing of a body at worst) so I ended up just releasing him in the forest behind our house.

Here's a video, and sorry for the gratuitous shots of our trash. My 12-year-old did his best.

Man, opossums are so cute with their little pink faces and tails. But it does take a little bit of the shine off when you've seen them wallowing in your garbage.

—2—

One side of my neck is always stiff, and I think it's because of scar tissue from a surgery I had as a kid. I've always just accepted that's how it is but I've been wondering lately if it's something I could work on with a physical therapist.

After a lot of researching PTs in the area and Googling the letters after their names to find someone who specialized in my problem, I found her! According to ChatGPT, her qualifications were exactly what I was looking for, so I emailed an appointment request to her office.

The next day, I got a response that she was going on maternity leave the following week.

I've been living with my wonky neck for decades, so it's pretty ironic that the moment I decide to do something about it, the universe says no.

—3—

Our college daughter is overwhelmed with school right now, trying to catch up after the loss of her grandpa in February and also get her paperwork done for a summer internship. 

Phillip and I decided to DoorDash some groceries to help her power through this week, mostly convenience foods and healthy snacks so she has one less thing to worry about.

I've never used DoorDash before, so I was entertained by the little dot representing the Dasher's car moving along the map in real-time to the grocery store and then to my daughter's apartment, even though she lives several states away. It was both exciting and boring at the same time. Kind of like the lamest video game ever.

—4—

YouTube showed me the worst commercial (you can watch it here, but don't do it with kids around. It's a little disturbing.) It starts with a mom singing about how much she loves her daughter, which is fine and normal. But then she pivots and musically lists all the ways she worries her daughter could be murdered every time she leaves her sight. Which is neither fine nor normal.

Right up until the end, I was convinced this was going to be an ad for BetterHelp, because if that's what you think about when your child leaves the house, you need therapy. But I was wrong: when the deranged song ended, the solution was an app to track her daughter's location on her phone.

Sure, that will fix it.

I think the ad was supposed to be darkly funny and relatable, but the fact that anyone in their focus groups found it funny or  relatable just makes me sad that we're parenting in CRAZYTOWN now. Go touch grass. Read Free-Range Kids. Get a hobby. And stop composing murder ballads if your kid goes to a friend's house after school. It's going to be okay.

—5—

For the last few years, our family has had pizza-and-a-show night every Monday, and it's become one of the traditions our kids look forward to most. First, we watched Baking Impossible. This week we finished watching all three seasons of the Lost in Space remake.

Now we've got to figure out what to watch next, and I think we're going to try a series available for free on YouTube called The Promised Land. Think of it as The Office but for the Old Testament. 

Phillip and I screened the first episode to check the tone and were pleasantly surprised that the humor never crossed the line into disrespect, and in fact I'd describe the style of the show as "inside jokes about the scriptures." For example, the singular mention of Moses's sons in the Bible is never repeated again, so there's this running gag in the first episode where everyone is always like, "I don't know where the boys are... oh, well!" 

Since we're studying the Old Testament at church this year, and we're actually going to start reading about the exodus in just a few weeks, I think it could be perfect for the kids to get invested and interested. Have you watched The Promised Land? What did you think?

—6—

"Did you see that Chuck Norris died?" I asked Phillip today over dinner. 

Like anyone who grew up in the 90s, we've both heard our fair share of Chuck Norris jokes. I even used to text my kids Chuck Norris memes to motivate them to work hard and kick butt at their schoolwork.

"Fake news," Phillip said, cutting into his pork chop. "Chuck Norris can never die."

"Well, he did. He died in Hawaii on Thursday."

Phillip shook his head. "Chuck Norris doesn't die, he just retires from life. Or maybe he went into stasis and they buried him, but he'll be back. Ain't no coffin that can keep Chuck Norrris down."

—7—

I went to a free concert with a singer sharing an eclectic collection of songs from artists she admires, along with a few she wrote herself. 

My favorite was her cover of "The House I Live In" by Frank Sinatra. I'd never heard of it before, but she said it came from a short film by the same name from 1945, so of course I had to look it up and listen to the original once I got home. You know how I see Frank Sinatra voice as the embodiment of all that is traditional and good in this world (if you've got a Christmas song that's not by Frank Sinatra, I don't want to hear it). Here is "The House I Live In":

You are welcome, my friends. The little kid smiling at the end is the cherry on top.

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