7 Quick Takes about Shark Life, Interesting Occupations, and How the Names for Breakfast Foods Were Invented (Probably)

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

When Phillip came home from a work trip earlier this week, he put his bags down and immediately started fixing the dryer (which broke just before he had to leave.)

My daughter raised her eyebrow and asked, "You don't even want to sit down first?"

I'm sure he wanted to, but if he sat down he'd be too tired to get back up and take care of the dryer, so that's what he did.

I know how he feels. Sometimes after the last ride of the night has been given and the last kid is in bed and I'm totally exhausted but I have to clean the dirty kitchen anyway, I feel a lot like a shark: if I stop moving, I'll die. 

—2—

Last weekend I was having a stressful day so Phillip, meaning well, brought home some strawberry ice cream for us to share and relax.

Things were so insane that day and for the next several days that we didn't have time, and then he left on his work trip, and then it was really busy because I had nobody to tag-team with in the evenings, so it's been a week and it's still sitting untouched in the freezer.

So I never even ate the stress ice cream because I was too stressed-out... which is why he bought it, and also why I don't have time to eat it. 

—3—

Phillip is an engineer with a company that does building materials, and his recent work trip was to see one of the products his team designed being installed on a house and take some measurements.

I don't even know how to describe his job. He has a PhD and is in charge of multi-million dollar projects, but he also wears work-issued steel-toed boots and sends me texts like this from his business trips:

That's actually just the way he likes it, though,. He would be bored to death if his job was all just one thing.

—4—

The kids' Halloween costumes are finally done! The 16-year-old may have superglued her fingers together and gone to work with her hands covered in silver spraypaint, but she's finished with a Black Widow costume.

After some thought, the 14-year-old finally decided to go as a "mug shot" and his costume turned out really great. He drew horizontal lines with heights on a foam board, strapped it to him like a backpack, and printed out a mug shot board to hold. (I suggested he also put on a Hawaiian shirt and do his hair like Nick Nolte, but judging from the blank look on his face I guess that was before his time.)

—5—

My 8-year-old wanted to be Poseidon, so we worked this week on making him a trident. I realize you can buy those things, but I hate spending money on stuff like that so I cut the spear part out of cardboard, attached it to a broom handle I found in the basement, and wrapped it all in aluminum foil. 

It was even more tedious than it sounds.

The pièce de résistance of his costume, though, is the fake beard I found for him. It's meant to be for an adult, so when my 6-year-old puts it on it practically goes down to his knees and he looks like a garden gnome.

It gives me flashbacks to when my older son got a banana costume and wore it around the house in funny situations all day.

—6—

As I write this, it's really loud. We're having our driveway torn up and replaced, and there's a crew of 6 or 7 guys outside with heavy machinery handling the demolition. 

I kind of wish I needed to be somewhere else today, since it's a little disconcerting to look out your window and see this:

Logically you know it's supposed to be happening, but it just feels like something you should be heavily concerned about.

—7—

The other day as my 14-year-old was making himself oatmeal for breakfast, he said to me, "You know, 'oatmeal' is a pretty dumb name."

"Do you think so?" I asked.

To prove his point, he grunted in a caveman voice, "Me have oats. Me make meal. Me call it... OAT MEAL."

He has a point.

Click to Share:

Read More »

7 Quick Takes about Fall Leaves, How Firefighters Have Fun, and Unearthing My Correspondence from a Long Time Ago

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

On Sunday we took a fall walk to see the leaves. Not all of them have changed yet, but it's awfully pretty out there.

—2—

My 6- and 8-year-olds participated in an interesting research study this week. The purpose was examining how kids raised in religious homes think. 

The kids were told several stories involving an authority figure who either rewards children for being good, punishes them for being bad, or helps them when they ask for help. In some stories the authority figure was God, an in others it was a teacher or a parent. At the end of the stories, the kids were asked if what the authority figure did was okay or not okay, and why.

I thought it was funny when one of the stories involved a parent giving a big jar of candy to their kids and my 6-year-old said it was "not okay." When asked why not, he said, "Because sugar is not good for you. You should only have a little bit."

At the end, the researcher asked one final question: "Does God have to follow any rules?" and you could tell it kind of broke my kids' brains. But I was impressed with the 6-year-old's eventual answer: "Not really, but He always knows what to do."

—3—

In the fall in New England, the forest is a beautiful tapestry of bright orange, yellow, and red against a backdrop of evergreen trees, with only oak trees to mess it up. They are seriously so ugly how their leaves turn brown and refuse to fall off like everyone else.

But a lot of them are turning red this year. It's really weird. Sometimes they're bright red, like this one in our yard, and others are more like crimson or maroon. 

Much improved, although it's a little odd.

On our Sunday walk, we also saw this funny tree. It sort of looked like it was on fire because only the leaves at the very top were changing color.

—4—

When Phillip and I went on a date over the weekend, we stopped by the grocery store on our way home. Our 10-year-old wants with all her heart to bake an Oreo cheesecake, so we stopped in to get two packs of gluten-free Oreos.

But when we went in, there was a Buy 2, Get 1 Free special so we ended up just getting three. And then I remembered we were almost out of milk at home so we grabbed a carton for the kids to have with their cereal in the morning.

It wasn't until we got to the checkout that I realized how incriminating it looked for the two of us to walk up with three packs of Oreos and a gallon of milk, and nothing else, as if we were about to go home and have the most epic midnight snack of all midnight snacks.

—5—

Our local fire station had an open house and I took my younger boys to see it. The trucks were parked outside and firefighters were standing by to answer questions and let the kids crawl around inside the cabs of the truck.

Mine found a piece of candy and a penny between the seats, if you're wondering how nosy mine are.

"What about the fire pole?" the boys kept asking me, and I told them that not all stations have them, especially newer stations. So we asked a firefighter.

"Oh, yes, we have one," he said, showing us where it was. "It's not really that much faster than taking the stairs, but I try to use it at least once a shift because it's fun."

I laughed at that and he added, "Because of injuries with the pole, some stations have installed slides instead."

Now guess what occupation both my boys would like to have when they grow up.

—6—

I have a confession to make: I hate Halloween. Actually, it's just Halloween costumes. Not even all Halloween costumes. Just ones that I have to make for/with my kids.

I think it's because I despise doing crafts, and making something for one-time use as part of a costume is too close to a craft for me.

Fortunately, the 6-year-old already owns everything he needs to dress up as a police officer, and the 14- and 16-year-olds are going as Not My Responsibility (I'm not sure what they're going to be, they'll figure it out.) But I do have to help out with my other two kids, who are Poseidon and a bank robber.

What are your kids going to be for Halloween?

—7—

My aunt was doing a deep-clean of her house, and found a letter I wrote to her when I was 7. 

When I was younger my parents had a typewriter and I took advantage of every excuse I could think of to use it, including writing stream-of-consciousness letters to my family members that put James Joyce to shame: 

Letter circa 1989.

I hope my writing has improved since then, and at the very least I'm confident that I've mastered the difference between "real" and "really." But I do still love babies, so I guess some things never change.

Click to Share:

Read More »

7 Quick Takes about Toddlers Who Always Tell the Truth, Mutant Cacti, and Why You Shouldn't Text Me Anything Important

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

On Tuesdays, my daughter goes to her violin teacher's house for a lesson. If the teacher's kids need extra attention, I play with them so the lesson can continue uninterrupted.

Her toddler is starting to talk more now so things are getting hilarious. This week she was standing on a chair yelling "I tall!" so I told her "Yes, you are. How did you get so tall? From eating all of your veggies?"

She frowned and said, "No I don't yike veggies. I yike potato chips. Veggies are gwoss."

Kids, man. They tell it like it is.

—2—

My homeschooling experience is certainly not typical (only homeschooling one child at a time, for one year at a time, in 11th grade) but so far I think it's going really well with daughter #2.

I think she's absorbing information better and stressing less, plus I get to enjoy her company during the day and learn new things. 

Just from overhearing bits of her cooking class over the last two weeks, I've learned a better way to hold a knife and a more efficient method for cutting up peppers, pineapples, and avocados. Plus, she's made us pasticho (Venezuelan lasagne,) Challah bread, and tapioca pudding that tasted like ice cream.

I can honestly say I didn't anticipate these benefits when she first told me she wanted to homeschool.

—3—

My 16-year-old was laughing at something she saw on the Internet and showed it to me: 

Yes, you read it right. That LED highway sign says "Hey teens buckling up is totes yeet yo."

I didn't think it was real but I looked it up and it was an actual campaign by the Utah Department of Transportation in 2019. 

I'm not sure that particular attempt to be hip with the kids worked, but I give it a B+ for effort and good intentions.

"It doesn't even make sense," my 16-year-old complained. "If anything, it should say 'Seatbelts: stay seated, not yeeted.'"

—4—

There's this museum near us where I took the kids a bunch of times when they were younger and it apparently gave them PTSD, because whenever I mention the name of it now they all break out in hives and start screaming "No! Anywhere but there!" 

Because of their allergy to this place we've avoided it for so long that my youngest kid has never even been there, so on Monday when everyone was home for the holiday I decided that the older partypoopers could stay home and and I would take the little kids to the museum.

We had a lovely time and that night when I was putting them to bed the 6-year-old whispered in my ear "The museum was fun."

I felt a little validated by that, honestly. It is a fun museum. Some people are just wet blankets.

—5—

I'm not a plant person, but when the pandemic hit in 2020 and my husband started working from home a lot, we set up a little office space for him including some potted plants.

On the plus side, I haven't managed to kill them yet. On the other hand, they're kind of demented-looking.

This cactus in his pot of succulents started out as a cute-looking little guy, but as he's grown it's looking more and more like a case of demonic possession.

Is there anything we could've done to prevent this? We don't know.

We also had a trailing ivy plant that was looking beautiful, but when we went on summer vacation last year I put it on the porch to get water from the rain and the sun burnt it to a crisp. 

Ever since then I've been nursing the sickly-looking remnants, and recently even took a couple of cuttings so I eventually fill the empty spaces left in the pot from the shoots that didn't make it. 

Sprouting roots now! So maybe I'll be able to transplant them back into the pot soon.

—6—

Ever since I got my new phone a few months ago, I've been having a big problem with it. Every once in a while, it will randomly stop receiving incoming texts. Of course, it won't tell me that, so I'll only realize it after several days, and then after I restart my phone I get all 50 missed texts.

The worst is the time-sensitive ones I feel terrible to have missed, like a 2-day old text from a friend that says "Help! I'm running late and was wondering if you can pick up my son for me?!?" 

Recently I told a friend to text me if she wanted me to give her daughter a ride home from orchestra, and she did text me but I didn't get it so I assumed her daughter wasn't coming, and I showed up in my husband's small commuter car with a bunch of stuff including two giant cornhole boards taking up the entire backseat so there was no room for her. (We ended up folding down the seats, shoving the boards into the trunk, and having my daughter perch illegally on top of them for the 40-minute ride home.)

It's often embarrassing and always annoying. Has anyone else ever had a problem like that with a Galaxy phone??

—7—

However, I'm still getting spam texts on my phone including this one. 

I know you should never respond to these, but I still think it would be fun to text back in the voice of this wholesome-sounding Jeff character with his cozy family-run coffeehouse. 

I'm just going to imagine that this Jeff person is real, and if you end up getting the same text from the same spammer in the San Fernando Valley blasting out a million of these, don't ruin it for me. I don't want to know.

Click to Share:

Read More »

10 Things You Learn When You Have a Big Family

I have 6 children, a fact that lands like an atom bomb when routine small talk prompts the question "Do you have kids?" 

People usually respond in one of two ways: either they dust themselves off and change the subject like nothing ever happened, or they stammer something like "What... How?! I mean — I'm sorry, did you say SIX?"

I think they mean it as a compliment.

I think they also mean "What in the world is your life like? Because I certainly can't envision it, not even for a moment."

Drawing a family portrait on the driveway requires a full box of chalk and a nap.

And so for the folks who find themselves unable to string together the coherent question they probably want to ask, I'd like to share 10 things I've learned from parenting my large brood:

1. Some things just don't matter. Who cares if the baby wears pajamas all day, or whether those pajamas coincide with their gender? Who has time to argue with a toddler who wants to wear their pants backward or carry a potato around in public like it's a stuffed animal? Out of necessity, parents with a lot of kids have figured out what's ultimately not that important, and like Elsa, have let it go.

2. You can't actually die from repeating yourself a million times. Even if I say the same thing six times, I've still only told everyone once. (And for the record, the number of times my kids have remembered something the first time they're told is zero.) With a big family, you spend all day dispensing information on an infinite loop and someone still ends up going "WHAT?? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!"

3. You've only got things figured out until you have a kid who proves you wrong. It's easy to luck out and have one or two kids with "easy" personalities, sleeping habits, eating preferences, or health profiles. But your likelihood of having these magical unicorn children decreases with every baby you have, and sooner or later you'll be forced to admit that your stellar parenting had less to do with it than you originally thought.

4. It's possible to raise a baby (or two or three) in a minivan. Once you have multiple big kids involved in multiple activities, you don't schedule around your little kid's naptimes. Their "crib" has a 5-point harness now, and naptime is whenever you're commuting from dance practice to play rehearsal and back to catch the last 30 minutes of the junior high basketball game.

5. Kids are more capable than you think. It surprised me the first time my 3-year-old crawled up on the counter and made himself a sandwich because I was busy. After that, I came to depend on it.

6. It's usually a phase. Most things that I worried about when my kids were little ended up resolving themselves without developing into lifelong problems. By all means, keep an eye on it if you notice something unusual about your kid — but don't freak out. They'll probably grow out of it.

7. Even if you look like you know what you're doing, you probably don't. By virtue of having 6 kids who aren't yet in juvenile prison, people honestly seem to believe I have it all together, saying things like "I don't know how you do it, I can barely handle my two!" Considering that I feel like a complete dumpster fire 95% of the time, their admiration may be a little misplaced.

8. If you can teach multiple teenagers to drive, you can do anything. You no longer fear death. In fact, you regularly stare it down as you get in the passenger's seat and unflinchingly hand the keys to someone you remember teaching how to use a spoon.

9. Teamwork makes the dream work. The disaster regularly produced by 8 people living together can best be expressed by a quote from the venerable Dr. Seuss: "This mess is so big and so deep and so tall, we cannot pick it up; there is no way at all." When I mobilize the troops, though, it's amazing how fast we can whip the place back into shape.

10.  It's all about the fighting-to-playing ratio. Big families spend a lot of time together, and it's a truth of life that kids who play together are also going to step on each others' toes. I think my kids get along really well, but that's not to say they don't also argue like they're going for an Olympic medal sometimes. (Side note: watching your kids play together is pure heaven on earth, and there's simply no love like sibling love.)

Whether you're seriously interested in my large family or just gawking like those drivers who slow down to check out accidents on the freeway, I hope this list is helpful. Now you can picture a little bit better what life is like in a big family!

(I didn't mention the laundry, but that's probably for the best. You don't want to know.)

Click to Share:

Read More »

7 Quick Takes about Joining the Club, Cleaning the Kitchen, and the Language Learning Process in GIFs

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

I got my first mammogram on Tuesday. 

When I called to make the appointment, the receptionist asked "Is this your first time?" I said yes and she answered jokingly, "Welcome to the club!"

Except I'm not sure it was a joke.

When I got to my appointment, I changed into the gown/shirt thingie they give you and took a seat in the waiting room. It was full of women in their 60s and 70s flipping through magazines, all wearing identical loose-fitting tops with drawstring closures, with smooth jazz tinkling from the speakers overhead. It was like a weird combination of a nursing home and a day spa. 

Then the smiliest, friendliest tech (also an older woman) came in and said she wanted to go over everything with me first because it was my first time, and overall she just seemed really pleased to be inducting me into the Secret Society of Old Ladies.

My membership card arrives in the mail next week, and then I think I can start getting discounts on Werther's hard candies.

—2—

Saturday and Sunday was general conference, a worldwide broadcast from the leaders of my church. They take turns giving 15-20 minute talks on different spiritual topics to teach, inspire, and motivate. 

It may not sound like a super-exciting way to spend a weekend, but trust me, this is something I look forward to for months beforehand. 

My kids also look forward to general conference snacks, which are marked with speakers' pictures and can be eaten during that person's talk.

For the most part, the kids listened while building with Legos and drawing on themselves (okay, just my 10-year-old did that.)

She decorated more, but the bottoms of feet are gross so just use your imagination.

My favorite talk was one called "Be Perfected in Him," about how Jesus works to cleanse and perfect us. It's not a superficial change but one that goes all the way to the core of our identity. Just give it a listen, you won't be disappointed.

I also liked listening to our prophet, Russell M. Nelson, whose talk dropped the following truth bomb about how partnering with Jesus brings rest to our souls:

"Now you may be thinking that this [keeping Jesus' commandments] sounds more like hard spiritual work than rest. But here is the grand truth: while the world insists that power, possessions, popularity, and pleasures of the flesh bring happiness, they do not! ... [And] the truth is that it is much more exhausting to seek happiness where you can never find it."

All in all, it was an excellent conference and I'm excited to think more about it more in the months ahead as I try to do life.

—3—

To tell you the truth, I dislike carving jack-o-lanterns. It's been several years since we last attempted it, but whenever we do it always turns out the same: Phillip or I end up doing most of the work because the knives are too big for the kids to handle, and then there's a big mess to clean up and (big surprise) Phillip and I end up doing most of that, too. 

But I don't know, the kids are getting older so maybe it would be fun this year.

I was just thinking about this the other day, when my 10-year-old came in and asked "Mom, can we do pumpkins?"

So I told her "Sure."

Then she skipped out of the room yelling, "Yay! Exploding pumpkins!" and I suddenly realized I had no idea what I'd just agreed to.

—4—

My kids had Wednesday off for Yom Kippur, and we spent the first part of the day cleaning. I sent the older kids and sent them upstairs with a toilet bowl brush and some hazmat suits, and then brought the younger kids into the kitchen with me.

Our task for today was emptying the kitchen cabinets and wiping out all the crumbs and debris that collect in there over time. It turns out tiny people are quite an asset in this chore:

I could never get in there and deep-clean like that.

And while I know it wasn't ethical to use small children as chimneysweeps all through the 1700s, I understand now why they did it.

—5—

I mentioned a few weeks ago that my 6-year-old's pediatrician commented on how long it's been since the last flare-up of his Reactive Airway Disease, and then he came home and had one almost immediately.

Well, he just had another episode on Thursday, making it twice in less than three weeks. 

Not only have we pulled the nebulizer back out of the closet, but he's had to miss gymnastics and even a few days of school. I know it's not the worst thing in the world so I'm definitely not complaining, but it is kind of a bummer.

—6—

I continue my quest to learn Spanish, and I can only say one thing for sure: brains are weird. The way we learn information just seems so random. 

Progress isn't linear, so within the same day or week you cycle between feeling like this:

and this:

and then you find out there's another verb tense besides the 10 you just learned:

Seriously, how many do you need?!?

And although most of the time I feel like a complete rockhead, recently I was driving behind a pickup truck that had a cardboard box in the back with Spanish writing that I read and registered before realizing it wasn't in English, so there's still some weird osmosis thing going on that I don't quite get.

—7—

My 10-year-old will take literally any opportunity to make dessert. Anytime there's a potluck of any kind, she asks to make something. Family Home Evening? She'll volunteer to bake treats. Having a friend over? Well, making brownies together would be such a fun activity while she's here!

This can be a little annoying, as I didn't think to buy stock in Nestle Toll House before she was born, but sometimes it also comes in handy.

The other day I was making curry for dinner and she asked if we could have naan with it. I didn't want to make it but said she could if she wanted, so she whipped up a batch from scratch, rolled them out, and had them in the oven in under 10 minutes.

Considering I didn't know how to make mac and cheese from a box when I got married, I'd say she's doing pretty well.

Click to Share:

Read More »

30 Things You Learn in 18 Years of Parenting

I've done it. I've sent my first child to college.

That means I've successfully kept alive, fed, and clothed a whole other human for 18 years. This is huge for me, as I can't even handle houseplants.

And just like I've done a few posts musing on the things I've learned after 10 years and 15 years of parenting, this seems like a good milestone year to write another chapter.

If Phillip and I look tired in this picture, it's because we are.

1. Never judge anyone's parenting whose kids are older than yours. You have no idea.

2. People will say you'll have more free time once your kids reach [insert stage of life here]. They're lying.

3. Big kids are every bit as messy as little ones. Actually, they're worse, because you can't even begin nagging them to clean up until after their 3,000 extra-curricular activities.

4. Kids will forget almost all the things you did with them when they were younger, but they'll remember your family traditions with a Norman Rockwell-like nostalgia.

5. Wait as long as you possibly can before giving your kids smartphones.

6. If you don't specifically ask them to take care of the the toilet paper tube on the bathroom counter, they'll just adapt and it becomes a permanent fixture of the house.

This is our overflowing cardboard recycling bin. And it's overflowing because a child flattened a cardboard box, laid it on top of the empty bin, and piled everything else on top of it for a week.

7. It's really humbling when your kids get old enough to realize you're not perfect.

8. Occasionally asking your children to make sacrifices or go without something they want is nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, it's critical to their well-being.

9. Sharing your favorite shows and movies with your kids when they're old enough is magical. 

10. Even the best teenagers are super-frustrating sometimes.

11. The car is a great place to initiate serious talks with your older kids: you don't have to make eye contact, and they can't escape.

12. Eventually, kids will choose their own interests and preferences. They're usually not what you would've chosen for them, and this is surprisingly hard.

One of our children decided her passion was horseback riding; we later discovered she was allergic to horses.

13. When teenagers inconvenience you by throwing things together at the last minute, it isn't because they're inconsiderate. They genuinely don't realize that everyone else in the whole world (except other teenagers) plans ahead.

14. Frankly, it doesn't matter very much what your style of parenting is, as long as it communicates to your kids that you love them.

15. Making a perfectly reasonable request in your calmest and most pleasant demeanor can still be interpreted by your child as "yelling at them."

16a. The saying "little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems" is absolutely true. 

16b. When you're the parent dealing with your big kid's big problems, you desperately need support that you're unable to get because it would breech your teen's privacy. Sorry. 

17. Appreciate the years when your kid goes to bed early and you're off-duty at 8 PM every night.

18. Be home for your big kids as much as possible. Even when they don't depend on you for their minute-to-minute physical survival anymore, they thrive on the stability of your presence. 

19. Kids love few things more than they love leaving every light in the house on.

20. When giving your older child guidance, never end a sentence with a period. Just ask questions until they arrive at the conclusion you hoped they'd reach, and hopefully they'll take their own advice.

21. Teach your kids life skills. For one thing, they actually start being helpful when they're older, and for another, they'll be ready to leave home one day without being overwhelmed by adulting.

Eight years later, this is finally paying off.

22. You will, because of your older kids' large statures and self-assured attitudes, forget that they're still just kids. But don't worry, they'll do something to remind you soon enough.

23. People aren't exaggerating when they say teenage boys smell and will eat everything in sight. If anything, they're understating it.

24. Moodiness is normal, but if you honestly think your teen dislikes you or is chronically disrespectful to your face, your relationship needs help. (Here's a fantastic book about that.)

25. It's really irritating to be the driver for someone who has earbuds shoved in their ears.

26. Older kids refuse to sleep with a flat sheet. No one knows why.

Younger ones will choose to sleep on the floor in between the wall and the perfectly serviceable bed you bought them.

27. Potty training a toddler is a carefree frolic through the meadow compared to teaching a teenager to drive.

28. Everyone starts out thinking they'll be a chill parent, but sooner or later, they'll be threatening to burn down the house if they find one more empty box in the pantry like the rest of us.

29. It doesn't matter what's in the fridge, your kids will look in it and declare that there's "no food." And then they'll leave the door open.

30. Parenting is easier if you don't take yourself too seriously.

The thing that becomes clearest as you raise a child to young adulthood is that actually, you know nothing. Just do the best you can and never stop trying. With any luck, one day you'll have grandchildren to enjoy while your kids go gray trying to figure this stuff out for themselves.

Click to Share:

Read More »