7 Quick Takes about Hot Dog Trees, What's for Dinner When Dad's Out of Town, and Why Adults Nag Everyone about Wasting Electricity All the Time

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

I was assembling a crew to clean up our kitchen and asked my 10-year-old to come in and get to work. "For how long?" she wanted to know.

"It depends on how many people from our family come to help," I answered.

The 13-year-old looked at me and said, "Wait. So you're telling her it'll take less time if she's there, but if she doesn't come she doesn't have to be there at all?"

"Hush up, you," I snapped, and handed him a washcloth. You can trust a teenager to point out your faulty logic every time.

—2—

My daughter had to stay home from school one day this week (now that masks are off at school, someone is always sick with something around here, although it hasn't ever been COVID.) She felt better after throwing up, but she still had to miss the next day because she needed to be symptom-free for 24 hours before going back.

Since she felt fine, we tried to make the most of the unexpected day. For lunch, we decided to bike to this random hot dog stand a mile from our house that we've always seen but never visited. 

As we were getting ready to leave, she mixed up her words and said "I'm excited to go to the hot dog farm!" So for the rest of the ride we were joking about hot dog buns that grew in the ground like root vegetables and bushes with ketchup and mustard berries. 

We never did see any once we got there, though.

—3—

Phillip and the 17-year-old were slated this week to fly to my daughter's new college campus for a few days to check the place out. I was excited for them to go, and the younger kids were excited because when Phillip is out of town I let them eat junk dinners instead of cooking something real with vegetables.

Due to some unfortunate scheduling circumstances, though, they had to cancel the trip at the last minute.

"Was she disappointed?" my 10-year-old asked me.

"Honestly, I think I was more disappointed!" I said.

She furrowed her brow and answered, "Well, I'm the most disappointed because now we don't get to have cereal night!!"

Luckily for her, though, Phillip ended up going on an overnight work trip so we had cereal night, after all.

—4—

The 15-year-old is also starting to look into colleges. Her violin teacher recommended some schools with good music programs, and she was working her way down the list.

She was reading the costs for one particular university out loud to me: "It's broken down into categories: room and board, meals, books, tuition, tuition fee... wait. 'Tuition fee?' I have to pay them to pay them?"

One of my favorite things about having teenagers are those moments when they look at me with a horrified "is adulthood really like this?" face, and I can finally pat them on the shoulder and smile, "Now you know why Dad and I are the way we are."

—5—

When I did my first round of serious decluttering at home, I purposely turned a blind eye to my stacks and stacks of photo albums from the pre-digital days because I was too overwhelmed to deal with them. This week, I finally got motivated. 

Like all of you, I have 20-year-old landscape photos that I have no idea where they came from. 

I have photos of people who weren't close to me and I don't even remember the names of. 

I have blurry photos of nothing and pictures that are multiple shots of essentially the exact same thing. 

I know it's controversial to cull your sentimental items, but I know if I curate the truly important photos of my life into one album with captions explaining their importance, it would actually be something I'd enjoy taking out and looking at with the kids. 

It would be something they might actually want someday after I'm gone, instead of junk that would languish in their attics because they felt too guilty to throw out mom's stuff.

Plus, I've been organizing the photos I'm not keeping into piles to send to relatives. I'm sure my aunts and uncles will be thrilled to get some surprise 30-year-old pictures of their kids in the mail, which makes me happy to imagine.

As I was working on my photos, I was joking with Phillip, "I'm getting my affairs in order! Next is my huge stash of journals, and then it'll be all set. In 5 years, I'll be ready to die. Ahead of schedule!"

He just looked at me and said something like, "I don't think you understand what the point of life is."

Well, his lifetime memorabilia is tossed in a disorganized heap in a diaper box in the closet, so I'm taking his criticism with a grain of salt.

—6—

When the kids have a half-day at school, which happens about twice a month, our traditional lunch when they all come home is soft pretzles. I make the dough and then when they come home, they roll them into shapes.

The kids are getting creative as they get older. Harry Potter symbols and letters that spell out funny things are their favorites, but I was partial to this sea turtle and poop emoji:

I'm not that creative, though, and if it's up to me I just make the standard old pretzel knot shape.

—7—

This year in church, we're studying the Old Testament of the Bible and I have a little workbook-style study guide that I use with the 5- and 7-year-old. It's highly entertaining.

Right now we're talking about Moses being called by the Lord and given the massive task of convincing Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. As you can imagine, Moses felt completely inadequate for the job.

My 5-year-old summarized it this way:

Q: What did the Lord explain to Moses that He wanted Moses to do?
A: Told Moses to talk to Pharaoh.
Q: How did Moses respond?
A: Wut.

To be fair, that would probably be my response, too.

Studying this part of the Old Testament has made me realize that I've never seen the 1956 The Ten Commandments, and it's such a classic piece of cinema I pretty much have to, right?

Now if I can only find a spare 3 hours and 40 minutes...

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7 Quick Takes about Ending the Madness, Piano Serendipity, and Passengers who Look Good and They Know It

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

Daylight Saving Time is a monster. My kids have been progressively more tired every day since the switch. My 8th grader is so out of sorts today he didn't even go to school. This is ridiculous.

But there's hope! 

I learned a few days ago that a bill passed unanimously in the Senate to stop messing with the clocks and permanently stay on Daylight Saving Time. 

I repeat: every single person voted for it. 

Proving that no matter how politically polarized we get as a country, the one thing we can all agree on is that this stupidity needs to end.

—2—

With the melting snow, things always resurface in our yard that were lost over the winter. After getting off the school bus, my 5-year-old meandered around, picked something up off the ground, and brought it inside.

Coming in the door with a wide smile, he held up the severed torso-and-legs of a Toy Story figurine and announced, "I found Woody's buttocks!"

I feel like I should probably explain that when my kids shoot BB guns in the yard, they set up old Happy Meal toys and action figures for target practice. Not that it makes this story any less weird. I guess it just gives you some context.

—3—

We got a new piano!

Like everywhere else, piano dealerships are having massive supply chain issues and it's taking between 6 months and a year to get certain models, so we were expecting it to be a long wait.

But they happened to have one in the showroom that just arrived and wasn't yet spoken for, and in less than a week after I called it was in our living room.

When my 15-year-old got home from school that day, I started showing her the fancy features. She politely listened, then said appreciatively, "And you can stalk people in its reflection!"

It was hard to get a picture without ending up reflected in the piano, actually.

She's right, it's a pretty shiny piano.

—4—

It was hard to say goodbye to the old piano, though. It's a beautiful Kurtzmann upright from 1906, and it passed to us from my mom who had it since she was a child. I learned to play on it, and all 6 of my kids did, too. 

It's a great family heirloom. But sadly, it's just developed that "old piano" sound that no amount of tuning can reverse. 

So for now, we've moved the old piano into the basement and our resident artist, the 17-year-old. is working on memorializing it in a painting we're going to frame and display somewhere in the house.

Luckily we have a walk-out basement, but the piano movers struggled mightily transporting the old piano down there. (I could tell they were good guys because when they ran into trouble they started laughing instead of swearing.) They just don't make big beefy pianos like that anymore, and the spring ground is very mushy right now.

Once the old piano was moved out, we of course found dust bunnies, lots of Nerf darts and assorted toys, and even a few tortillas our avoidant eater had stuffed behind there when he thought we weren't looking. I made a joke about it and the movers said, "Don't be embarrassed, one time we found a dead cat behind there."

Now someday, we too will be immortalized in a story just like that. Whenever someone apologizes for their heavy piano, the movers will just tell them about the people with the 850-pound beast that almost broke their backs as they tried to move it downstairs.

—5—

In other serendipitous events (see Take #4) my son got glasses, just in time for my daughter to lose hers. 

We'll order her another pair if they don't turn up soon, but she was panicked because that evening she was going to a movie with a friend and wouldn't be able to see the screen.

In the end, she ended up wearing my son's glasses, and even though their prescriptions weren't the same, she said they were good enough to watch the movie.

Having 6 kids is hard, but I also can't count how many times it's saved my butt when I need a last-minute babysitter or someone to take another kid's place at the dentist or doctor to avoid a cancellation fee.

—6—

At bedtime, I've started putting some quiet backgroud noise on my phone (I just have to remember to check that it's on Wi-fi first because one time I used up all my data for the month playing 8 hours of white noise while I slept.)

My kids and I were once investigating the different noise colors on YouTube (my favorite one for sleeping is red noise, by the way) and we were laughing harder and harder at the comments section under each video. My favorite comment was: "I'm colorblind, I really hope this works."

—7—

Does anyone know who this man is? My kindergartner brought this sticker home from school without explanation (and then equally without explanation put in on the passenger seat headrest of the van) and it seems like it's probably a character from something.

If no one has any other suggestions, I'm going with Extra-Fabulous Version of Robert Downey, Jr.

The first time I looked over and saw it on the passenger seat it startled me, but now I kind of like it. When I'm driving around by myself, it's like a little traveling companion. Throwing glitter like a superstar.

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7 Quick Takes about Tempting Offers from the Zoo, Bizarre Inventions, and How to Cover the Price of Gas If You're Writing for the News

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

No one in our family is very flexible (I was once stretching in an exercise class and someone leaned over and laughed, "Come on, you can go further than that" when sadly, I could not) but Phillip is the least flexible of us all. 

So I was pretty surprised when he started talking about how a coworker was encouraging him to try yoga.

"They even recommended a YouTube channel. It's called 'Yoga with Adriene'."

Since I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say, I chose to go with annoying and said, "Hmm. So what's her name?"

"Yoga," Phillip replied.

As he did his first video and was trying his best to follow along, the 10-year-old stood nearby offering not-so-helpful critiques: "That's not very good, Daddy. I think you should be in the 4-year-old class. Or maybe the 90-year-old class."

"Maybe I will join the 90-year-old class," Phillip muttered as he struggled to get into pigeon pose. "I think I already have rigor mortis."

—2—

On a completely unrelated note, that night I had a dream that Phillip and I went on a weeklong yoga retreat and it ended after two days with the lady in charge of the retreat literally screaming at us to pack up our stuff and leave because we were utterly unteachable.

—3—

We're in the process of planning a Miami family vacation and I've been doing a little research on activities we might do there. I heard the Miami Zoo is huge and amazing, so I decided to hop online and check it out.

Somehow, I ended up on this page and I don't even know what is happening.

I get that people use animal waste for compost for their gardens, but this page makes such a big deal about the compost coming from exotic animals. Do vegetables fertilized with rhinoceros dung taste better or something? 

I don't know much about gardening, but I'm really confused right now.

—4—

I repainted our kitchen ceiling. It looks amazing, but like all home improvement projects, it took a lot longer than I estimated it would. The kitchen was still a mess at dinnertime, so instead of cooking Phillip ordered a pizza.

The next day, I was making dinner and my 4th grader asked, "Why did we have pizza last night?"

"Because I was painting and didn't have time to make dinner."

Looking at my cooking, she bit her lip and asked delicately, "...Can you paint something again?"

—5—

During our family dopamine fast a few weeks ago, my 10-year-old was bored and looking for something to do, so we suggested that she make something.

"Like what?" she wanted to know.

"Anything you want," I said. "It could be a craft, or a new toy for our pets, or—"

"I know! I'm going to make a whipped cream launcher."

"A what?"

"You put whipped cream in it and it launches it at your face," she explained.

"I see."

Far be it from me to stifle her budding creative genius, so she got unrestricted access to the recycling bin to start working on a launcher prototype. I promised her I'd buy her real whipped cream if she made a successful prototype and then created a real one.

And she did.

Not the most accurate aim but it got the job done.

The thing is, moms can encourage their kids to pursue their passions but they can't dictate what those passions are. My daughter's is apparently pranking herself like The Three Stooges.

—6—

Our school's mask mandate ended on Friday, and it took a whole two days before my kindergartner came home sick on Monday. 

Not with COVID, just with a cold.

He fell asleep at 4:30 on Monday and slept straight through until 7:30 the next morning. I kept him home on Tuesday just in case he'd get worn out and need a nap later in the day, but he ended up feeling just fine so we had a fantastic day together.

We played with his piano mat, cleaned a bathroom, folded some laundry, read stories, and took a bike ride. It was an amazing day.

Having littles at home all the time can be stressful because you feel like you're never going to get anything done (spoiler alert: you aren't.) But when they're all at school, one day of having them home is like, "Oh, well, I'll get to it tomorrow" and you feel more free to just enjoy them. At least I do. 

I wouldn't trade all those years with babies and toddlers for anything. But being a grandma is going to be the best.

—7—

Gas prices are going up again, exceeding even the prices in 2008 when it was rocketing skyward (remember that scene from I Am Legend where gas in the zombie apocalypse was like $8/gallon?)

Well, the reason gas prices are currently high isn't funny, but this YouTube video about it is.

Stay safe, pray for peace for those who need it most, and probably don't do a lot of unnecessary driving right now. Good luck, friends!

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7 Quick Takes about Freezing Cold Adventures, Passive-Aggressive Tooth Fairies, and a Word of Encouragement for Exhausted Young Parents

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

—1—

Apparently I'm not a very knowledgeable pet owner, because I didn't realize that rats grow their teeth back. Our pet rat Piper's tooth fell out last week, and I thought we'd have to get her teeny rat dentures or something.

To my credit I did know rats' teeth grow continuously and that's why they have to gnaw on things, but I didn't realize that a tooth that fell out completely would just regrow like a great white shark. #themoreyouknow

—2—

My 8-year-old got baptized this past weekend! In our church we believe that baptism is a promise between a person and God, so we wait until they're old enough to understand and choose it for themselves (read more here if you're curious about baptism in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.)

We arrived before the baptism to a scene of panic. They'd started to fill the font with water (our church does the type of baptism where your whole body goes under the water) and realized there was no hot water.

This is March in New England, by the way, so it wasn't just lukewarm. It was freezing.

We made phone calls, we had someone look in the boiler room who knows about such things, and in the end, decided there was nothing we could do to fix it right now. 

I told them to start filling the font with cold water and thought about how to broach the topic with my son. 

"Guess what?" I told him, "There's good news and bad news. The good news is, you get to get baptized!"

He nodded and smiled.

"The bad news is, they don't have any warm water and it's very, very cold."

I waited for his reaction, unsure of what he'd say next, but he answered, "That's okay! It'll be just like going to the lake!"

Bless that kid. I wish you could've seen his happy face. It was a fantastic service, and I was glowing all day about what a nice experience it had been for my son and everyone who came to see it. And I'm sure even the cold water will make a great story afterward, too.

—3—

I was unaware when we first moved to this part of the country, but February break is a thing they do in New England, so Monday was my kids' first day back at school after a week of vacation. It was pretty rough.

It started with the 8-year-old realizing he left his only pair of tennis shoes at church during his baptism, so we had to go get them and bring him to school late.

That afternoon, I took my 15-year-old to an occupational therapy appointment 35 minutes away, only to find out we'd showed up at the wrong office location, and then it took us even longer to get home because we had to go around an accident on the freeway.

To cap off the evening, my mother-in-law dropped the 5-year-old and I off at his gymnastics class and went to go do an errand, but I absent-mindedly took the car key with me and she found herself stranded in a car that wouldn't start after she stopped at the store. (Note to self: the keyless push-button start on new cars is nice until it's not.)

It was a killer day from start to finish.

—4—

In addition to being forgetful about promptly coming to get lost teeth sometimes, the tooth fairy in our house is developing a bit of an attitude.

When the 10-year-old lost a baby tooth with a cavity in it, the tooth fairy let it quarantine for three days before she'd touch it.

When she lost a second one with a cavity, the tooth fairy left her a dime instead of the customary quarter with the following note:

"Dear 10-Year Old: Please note that I deducted a 15-cent hazardous waste disposal fee for your latest lost tooth. It appears that there was quite a large and smelly cavity in this one! Keep brushing and flossing, both to keep your teeth healthy and to avoid any more fees in the future. -T.F."

Sorry it's not easy to read. The tooth fairy writes so tiny it's hard to get a good picture.

Maybe next time she'll also leave an electric toothbush.

—5—

My 5- and 7-year-olds have been battling eczema so bad that I've been coating their wrists in Vaseline at night and putting them to bed with socks on their hands.

One night we'd gotten ready, socks on hands and all, and then my 5-year-old wandered downstairs to the and joined his brother in the kitchen eating an evening snack of pistachios. (When you're 5 and it's lights-out, I guess that just seems like the logical thing to do.)

I stopped short when I saw him standing in front of a pile of shelled pistachios and out of all the questions I could have asked, I opted for: "How in the world are you cracking those with socks on your hands?"

He shrugged and said, "Uhhh... skill?"

—6—

I laughed out loud when I received this text from an acquaintance at church:

If you don't know, Ragnar is a 120-mile race that you run relay-style in a team of 8 people. So you're like camped out in a van somewhere waiting for your turn to run your second of three 5-mile legs at 2AM. I know for sure I've never encountered anything that horrible in my life, and I hope that continues to be the case.

I had to think for a while about how to politely respond to her text, since my initial impulse was to send puking emojis and block her number.

—7—

We've been helping an elderly couple in our neighborhood shovel their driveway when it snows, and they always ask us to bring our littlest kids over when we come. The kids aren't particularly helpful, but the people say it makes them happy to see them playing in the yard, and that made me think.

I know when I was deep in the trenches of raising babies and toddlers, I didn't feel like I was able to make much of a contribution to the world. Just trying to keep everyone fed, clothed, and alive was often all I could accomplish in a day.

But parents of young kids, raising them the best you can is a public service. 

Not only will those babies and toddlers grow up to be amazing friends, role models, and community servants, but just taking them out in public right now — to Target, to the post office, to church — makes people happy. Just try taking them to the grocery store and counting the number of people who smile when your cart full of chaos rolls past them.

You're doing one of the most important things a human can do, and everywhere you go your kids are brightening peoples' day by just existing and being themselves. Never forget that!

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