Thursday, January 18, 2018

Things You're Probably Doing Right Now If You Have Kids

We love our kids, but man, do they ever hijack our lives.

In fact, knowing nothing else about you aside from the fact that you have children, I can even predict with eerie accuracy what you're doing right now.

This funny look at mom life is so true, you guys. Just keeping it real with a hilarious list of what day-to-day life of a parent is actually like. #momlife #funny #parentinghumor #realmoms #hilarious #unremarkablefiles

If you're living the parent life, then at this moment you're almost certainly doing one of these things:
  1. Cleaning up water that someone requested and promptly spilled all over.
  2. Yelling at someone to stop yelling.
  3. Wiping a butt.
  4. Showering while someone is holding open the curtain and crying.
  5. Talking someone down from the ledge over a sock seam.
  6. Forgetting why you came in this room.
  7. Putting the hand towel back on the rack.
  8. Saying "just a minute!"
  9. Debating whether you should throw this sock away or hang onto it in case the match shows up.
  10. Answering the same question for the 8th time. In the last 5 minutes.
  11. Signing "clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere" to people who aren't interested in cleaning up regardless of who or where they are.
  12. Washing someone else's bodily fluid off of your person.
  13. Googling pictures of weird rashes.
  14. Texting your spouse demanding to know when they'll be home.
  15. Getting headbutted in the pubic bone.
  16. Telling someone to put a dish in the dishwasher.
  17. Figuring out when you can next take a nap.
  18. Listening to an unnecessarily long story about a video game.
  19. Sighing heavily while changing a toilet paper roll.
  20. Peeling tape off the floor.
  1. Eating over the sink to avoid dirtying another dish.
  2. Trying to wipe the nose of someone who's thrashing around like a psychotic trout.
  3. Humming the Paw Patrol theme song (and if you weren't, you are now.)
  4. Trying to remember if this pile of laundry is clean or dirty.
  5. Pointing out where shoes go to someone who deserves an Oscar for acting as if they've never heard this information before.
  6. Finding a random sticker somewhere on your body.
  7. Retrieving a toy from the toilet bowl.
  8. Pinning recipes you'll never make and kids' crafts you'll never do.
  9. Fielding questions about iPad/computer/screen usage.
  10. Testing the limits of how heavily a bedtime story can be abridged.
  11. Serving food in such a way that it triggers a metaphysical crisis. (Most likely you cut it into triangles instead of rectangles.)
  12. Making a to-do list for other people in your head.
  13. Adding "band-aids" to your shopping list.
  14. Trying to figure out how to do what you were just asked without getting up.
  15. Stepping on a slimy piece of food.
  16. Talking in a really high-pitched sing song voice to keep yourself from screaming.
  17. Trying to act casual and talk normally with candy hiding in your mouth.
  18. Giving "scary eyes" to make someone stop whatever they're doing.
  19. Chasing someone around trying to apply sunscreen (in the summer) or lotion (in the winter.)
  20. Picking a low-hanging booger out of someone else's nose.
Was I right? If you're a parent, there's probably one other thing that's about to happen (if it hasn't already.) Any second now, some little person is going to commandeer this tablet, phone, or computer and demand to watch a video. Mark my words.

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Anonymous said...

I love this list! It actually made me LOL. I think that on a daily, I hit at least three quarters or more of these bad boys.

Anonymous said...

And don't think this stops when your kids are grown. If you don't yet have grandchildren then anyone's child is fair game. Also, grown children still require much of these parenting "examples". Just sayin....

StorkWatcher said...

You are awesome. I have always loved the saying, "like herding cats", but now I want to have a T shirt made about someone "thrashing around like a psychotic trout". THAT made me smile this morning - I really needed that! Nice coin phrase there, Super Mom!

AnneMarie said...

Haha yes!!!! Actually what I'm doing right now is trying to pretend that I can't smell my toddler's dirty diaper so I can finish checking e-mails before we head out for the afternoon :P And he's playing with my husband's video game controller (which he isn't really *supposed* to do, but I don't really care right now because it's giving me 5 minutes of peace and quiet on a "no-nap") day!

Jenny Evans said...

Mom blindness can be pretty impressive when it means we get a few minutes to breathe. Even if the mess takes a while to clean up.