Monday, June 12, 2017

5 Father's Day Crafts He'll Want To Throw Away Immediately!

Why is it so hard to find good Father's Day crafts? All I want is for my little ones to be semi-involved in giving a gift to their dad, without presenting him with a necktie made out of craft foam or an ugly keychain weighing 5 pounds that he'll never use.

According to the Internet, those are my only options.

I guess I don't know all the answers. But I do know that if I'm ever looking for ideas for Father's Day crafts that will be sure to make Dad say "thanks, I love it!" on the outside and "how long til I can throw this away?" on the inside, I'll definitely suggest that the kids make him one of these.

If you're searching for ideas for Father's Day crafts that will go straight in the trash, look no further.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

1. Anything with glitter.

Glitter is the gift that keeps on giving. Dad (along with everyone else in the house) will be finding it stuck to his feet for weeks, if not months. Even if it's a really cute picture he'd actually like to keep, festooning it with glitter is dooming it to a very short life and an expedited ticket to the trash can. If tiny pieces of devil-confetti fall off every time he touches it, dad isn't keeping it.

2. Anything made out of recycled materials.

I blame the schools. My kids would've never thought of making art out of our trash if their teacher hadn't suggested it to them. But here we are, and now dad is the hapless recipient of an egg-carton caterpillar that says "Happy Father's Day!" on it. I don't get it. Is it useful? Is it particularly cute? The answer to these two questions when it comes to recycled material crafts is usually 'no.' A good rule of thumb is: if it once was used to hold toilet paper, he probably doesn't want it for Father's Day (even if you decorate it.)

3. Anything 3-dimensional.

Dad wants to save a lot of your art, he just doesn't want to rent a storage pod in order to do it. If things aren't flat, or at least foldable, they'll probably end up you-know-where. When your kid presents dad with a paper mache "#1 DAD" trophy the size of the Stanley cup, let's both hope she's not old enough to know that by "taking this to work tomorrow" he means "hiding in the garbage at the earliest opportunity." He'll probably take a picture first and save it, though  because pictures are flat.

4. Anything heavy and ceramic.

While I understand that for the first 2-3 years of a child's life they're unable to produce much else, but there's a downside to those handprint kits you see in Michael's that look like such a cute idea at the time. Namely, they are heavy, breakable, and don't really serve a function. There are only so many handprints Dad can display or even save. Statistically speaking, most giant clay impressions of kids' hands end up in the trash. Sorry.

5. Anything involving fart jokes.

I wish I didn't have to say this, but please don't. Yes, I appreciate the irony that "Happy Father's Day" sounds a little bit like "Happy Farter's Day," but Dads are so much more than farts. Honestly, even a hand-painted porcelain doorstop in the shape of your kids' head would be a better gift than a T-shirt that says "World's Best Farter." Even if you're 7-year-old thinks it's hilarious, don't let him do it.

Finding Father's Day crafts that won't go right in the trash is harder than it sounds like it should be, but we've always found success with a good old handmade card from the kids and something edible we know he likes.

And if kids decorate plain paper and use it to wrap the gift? That's technically a Father's Day craft, but it's designed to be thrown away so no one will even feel bad about it. Think about it.

If you're searching for ideas for Father's Day crafts that will go straight in the trash, look no further.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Phillip walking two kids and wearing a toddler around on vacation last summer. He deserves better than a pencil holder made out of popsicle sticks. 

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  1. Dads are so much more than farts. Amen!

  2. Just yesterday they requested I bring a shoe of R's dad to daycare so I assume it will be used to make some kind of Father's Day craft. Interested to see what it is! Hopefully not a giant ceramic mold of his shoe LOL ;)

    1. Oh, I know what that is. They use paint to make a bootprint on paper and then do R's footprint in it or next to it saying "Following in Daddy's footsteps" or something like that. I've been in this business too long. I know ALL the crafts...

  3. Ah, this assumes the man in your life will throw things away! Here I am sneaking into his office to pitch a seven-year-old, faded, three dimensional, used to be glittered, now unrecognizable contraption that didn't look good when she gave it to him. And I'm the bad guy! Take a picture and let it go dude.

    Okay, clearly this post struck a nerve. I'm going to try to go and calm down now....

    1. If we're perfectly honest, Phillip won't throw it away either. But he will leave it sitting on the dresser for 3 months until I ask, "So... do you want this?" and then I will throw it away.