Monday, February 13, 2017

My Mom Confessions

They say that everyone seems normal until you get to know them, and that very well may be true.

There are things I don't really broadcast about myself, but I'm pretty sure you do them too, and I think it's high time to air these babies out in the open.

There are things I don't really broadcast about myself, but I'm pretty sure you do them too, and I think it's high time to air these babies out in the open.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Confession: Sometimes I forget my kids in time-out.

I've made the mistake of putting a child in time-out where I can't see them, and unless I've set a timer, it may not turn out well. You know how it is. You get caught up in whatever's going on until 15 minutes later you hear a faint, tearful voice trembling: "Mom, can I come out now??" Good thing kids are quick to forgive, and to be honest they probably earned those minutes doing something earlier and just never got caught.

Confession: I have more than 40 overdue books on my library account right now.

I blame my book-obsessed children. I also blame the fact that my library doesn't have check-out limits and they don't start fining you until you are 45 days overdue. This policy has been bad for my overall sense of duty and responsibility, but really good for my math skills. I can instantly tell you what's 45 days after any date on the calendar if you ask me.

Confession: I'm sort of lying to my dentist.

I hardly ever floss, except for doing it obsessively the week before my semi-annual dental cleaning like it's 1998 and I'm cramming for the final exam in AP English. Ordinarily I wouldn't feel bad about that, but it doesn't seem like anyone at my dentist's office has figured out that I'm cheating and tells me "good job" every time. This leads me to wonder if regular flossing is just a marketing scam.

Confession: I suck at being the tooth fairy.

If our tooth fairy was any other employee I would've fired her a long time ago. She's forgotten to come get the tooth rotting under my kid's pillow for 3 consecutive nights before, and let me tell you that a 6-year-old with a quivering lip at your bedside first thing in the morning wailing "She didn't come again!" is the worst way to start your day. Oh, and once she didn't have any cash so she stole money from the child's piggy bank bank to put under his pillow. (I later paid it back; I'm not a monster.)

Confession: I know way too much about getting rid of fruit flies.

In the summer months, it's more common than not to see a homemade fruit fly trap on the counter as a semi-permanent kitchen fixture. (I recently learned you can suck up the whole lot of them in 30 seconds with a Shop-Vac and my life will never be the same.) While we're confessing stuff, I'll go ahead and say that I've battled not one, but two fruit fly infestations in my van. Serves me right for those two times I encouraged fresh fruit as an on-the-go snack instead of Goldfish crackers like every other normal person on the planet. Those things will survive Armageddon.

Confession: I try to trick myself into folding laundry and it never works.

I don't even know why I bother to do this but I often pile unfolded laundry on the bed, thinking "This way, I'll have to fold it before I go to sleep!" So brilliant, I am. Never mind that what actually happens is that I forget all about it until I wander in there bleary-eyed and ready to drop into bed, and then I'm shocked to find a mountain of laundry in my way. It's like I've punk'd myself, every time. And then it goes on top of the dresser which is like garment purgatory.

Confession: I have probably 100 pictures of babies sleeping with their butts up in the air.

Every time I see one of my babies doing this, the camera comes out. I know, even as I'm taking the picture, that it looks identical to the five other ones I took this month except for maybe different pairs of pajamas, but I can't help myself. If I see a lumpy infant conked out with his little butt stuck up in the air, then there must be a picture of that. No exceptions.

There are things I don't really broadcast about myself, but I'm pretty sure you do them too, and I think it's high time to air these babies out in the open.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

What do YOU want to confess? (It feels good to get it out in the open, I promise.)

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Katy said...

I'm sort of impressed with your bad streak re: library books.

Who knew you were such a rebel?!

The Lady Okie said...

I do the same thing with laundry! And then I totally walk in right at bedtime and think WHYYYYY. Glad to know I'm not alone. Laughing at the forgetting a kid in time out thing! Too funny.

Hurricane Shawna said...

My kids eat crap cereal at least once (often twice) a day.

They get bathed mayyyybe 2x a week

Jenny Evans said...

It's a slippery slope. I'm sure 90% of the prison population would have ended up okay if they just would've gotten in the habit of returning their library materials promptly.

AiringMyLaundry said...

Haha, I'm the same with laundry. I don't really fold..I shove in drawers.

I've forgotten my kids in time out too!

Unknown said...

Susan Carroll
1. When kids stayed home sick in bed, I would forget they were home. Had to have them in the family room in front of tv so I would hear the noise. Sad parenting.
2. Our tooth fairy was a FAIL. When confronted with distraught child, she would grab some coins and go "help" the child "hunt" for them under the pillow. "Surprise!" There were the coins
3. Baths were usually only once a week - I know - not really often enough!
4. Until I had children, I never had a library fine. With children, never without one! It was horrible, the teens would "borrow" the scifi books I had checked out, then forget about them under their beds! Then I had to buy them! Of course their books were often lost as well! Started to go to a used bookstore instead, it was cheaper.
5. Put sprinkles on muffins before baking, tried to pass them off as cupcakes. This was when muffins were still bread.
6. Unexpectedly had to pick up hubby at work, piled three kids in the car and drove around the corner, then remembered youngest was still in the crib. Almost decided to leave him asleep, because he had just gone down and would sleep for three hours. But visions of house fires in my head, made a better choice, turned arounnd and picked him up, so we all could go get Daddy.
6. Clouds of fruit flies. Dad had one the followed him to work and back every day for two weeks. Teenage son got on the internet to make a fruitfly trap.. Finally learned to totally clean up after canning, no matter how tired, before going to bed. OH and never leave a half glass of orange juice in kid's room before vacation.. Came home to hordes!
7. Getting ready to move with 6 kids, three laundry baskets of lost mismatched socks. Grandma matched socks all day, still had one basketful we threw away. After one month in the new house - 1 full basket of loose socks! Bought all white socks, no stripes, no colors, nothing, so two socks could pretend to be a pair. I love the mismatched sock style, wish it had started sooner!

Jenny Evans said...

I love all your confessions, and I agree about the mismatched sock trend. Best thing that ever happened in our society.

Jenny Evans said...

I think my little kids gets baths about twice a week too. Is that not okay?

I suppose in the summer it's more often since they get filthy.

Kathy said...

I would forget my kids in time out all the time. Our kids arrived barefoot at church more times than I care to confess too. We had MANY pairs of cheap flip flops from the CVS near the church. I would often send my kid to school sick just so they would be sent home by the nurse so it wouldn't count as a sick day. I received multiple letters from truient officers saying I really needed to send my kids to school more. I once lost my child in Walmart... or thought I did. I was holding him. He followed another family at the aquarium and we didn't know he was gone until he found us.
They are all adults now and will do the same with thier kids one day. I hope :)

Jenny Evans said...

I have one child who is a serious wanderer and we've lost her multiple times. It's like she WANTS to get lost.

And the arriving at church without shoes? That's a thing. See this post:

Unknown said...

This is great!

Listen, as a pretty seasoned parent I promise you this...most of us have failed miserably at least once on tooth fairy duty.

I'm also a liar to my dentist and you're onto something about flossing. My dentist always commends my faux flossing skills. We should look into that. ;)

I'm guilty of taking 100 pictures of the exact same thing before going over them and deciding the ones I like the most. (Which are usually 88 of them.) I have over 2K pics on my phone of my kids, dog, meals, duck lip selfies. It's outta control.

Thanks! This was therapeutic!


Chaun said...

Fruit flies are exactly the reason why spontaneous growth isn't so hard to believe!

Kathy said...

One of my favorites was when I DID remember shoes but my son couldn't find his. He was 6. He had one but the other one vanished. It was NO WHERE according to him. I sent my 3 year old daughter to his room to look. She came back moments later with the shoe. It was in the middle of his room. I only had 3, doubling chaos. God bless you. I miss it. Kinda...haha

Unknown said...

Awww...the baby bottom is so adorable! I'm pretty much guilty of all of these. The third child in particular gets 'time out' far longer than his sisters did. That's partly because we got wise and put a pack 'n play on each level. Time out in the pack 'n play is also time out for mommy. No lie.

Jenny Evans said...

Where do they come from? How do they know where the overripe fruit is?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. It is exactly like spontaneous generation!

Anonymous said...

I do the exact same things with laundr...and also de often dress "out of the dryer"
I empty the dishwasher as I need that's in there 1 item after the other until it's ammost empty and need To be filles again with dishes that have been on the counter for 2 days!
Forgot my in time out for solong once that I found him asleep (like an hour later...)
Bath son once or twice a week. And have him shower after hockey training as often as possible to spare time and water at home.
Forget ouranniversary (every year since 2009 except once)!!!
So here we are... feels great!

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the typo... stupid cellphone which refuses to let me write correct english