Realistic Virtue Names for Your Baby

The practice of naming babies after cherished virtues dates back to the Puritans, who were famous for saddling their kids with labels like Temperance and Constance. Charity and Grace are still common names today, and from time to time you might even meet a Serenity or a Verity.

Giving your child a virtue name vocalizes the hopes and dreams for the goodness you'll one day see in your child.

However, you might not even realize the irony in what you've done until 2-year-old Patience is screaming face-down on the floor of the cereal aisle because you took 3.5 seconds to unwrap her granola bar.

So might I suggest some more realistic virtue names to give your bundle of joy? Because why kid ourselves.

Insolence

The soft vowel sounds in this word meaning 'rudely intrusive and presumptuous' make it a lovely name that rolls off the tongue. It'll also describe your child perfectly when you tell him not to touch your iPhone again and he looks you straight in the eye while deliberately poking it in slow-motion with one finger. Other names you might like: Insubordination, Mutiny, and Delinquency.

Pandemonium

This sophisticated way to say 'riotous uproar' or 'utter chaos' is a fantastic choice for parents who want everyone who meets their child to know what they're up against. But if you have a longer last name you may want to go with something that's less of a mouthful, like Bedlam or Anarchy. Other names you might like: Cacophony and Entropy.

Subjugation

Meaning 'enslavement,' this word comes from the Latin phrase for 'bringing under a yoke.' While it might seem like an awfully grown-up name for your little peanut, you'll quickly see how appropriate it is when you've been holding her and swaying for 4 hours straight in the dead of night because you aren't allowed to sit down. Other names you might like: Dominance and Sovereignty.

Cataclysm

The offbeat, edgy sound of this underused name guarantees that it will go mainstream someday, but for now it's still relatively unheard of. It's a highly versatile word that can mean either 'violent upheaval' or 'extensive flooding,' both of which will appear to have happened recently in your living room from the time your child begins crawling to approximately the day he moves out. Other names you might like: Recklessness, Demolition, and Detonation.

Inconsistency and Aversion

What better way to dub your dynamic duo than with the names of the twin hallmarks of childhood? Inconsistency, or 'the arbitrary and illogical changing of viewpoints,' leads a child who formally loved something as innocuous as bananas or socks to suddenly develop an aversion (or 'intense hatred') to the same objects overnight. Other twin names you might like: Vexation and Intensity.

Interrogation

Equally darling on either a boy or a girl, this moniker ensures that your child will stop at literally nothing to get answers: How do planes stay up? Can I have another drink? What happened to all the leftover brownies? Forward-thinking yet classic at the same time, this name will always stand up to just one more round of questioning. Other names you might like: Petition, Insistence, and Relentlessness.


It's true that the sky's the limit for virtue names, but the wise parent will choose something a little more down to earth.

Since this is the name you'll be calling after your child as they run away from you in department stores for years to come, let's do ourselves a favor and just call a spade a spade.

What's your favorite realistic virtue name for baby?

Click to Share: