Friday, May 11, 2018

7 Quick Takes about Showing Off at the Dermatologist, Uses for 24 Fluid Ounces of Maple Syrup, and Being Insensitive to Airline Tragedies

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


As a couponer, I try not to do this too much because it's annoying, but check out my haul from CVS!

They had a random clearance on diapers and combined with some store coupons I happened to have, I got all this for $16. (Please note that the middle one is a super-sized 50-pack. Just saying.)

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
We are looking at potentially 6 months of defecation here.

As I took my forklift load of diapers to the car, a lady leaving at the same time as me scoffed and asked in a sort of nasty voice, "Why would you buy so many diapers at CVS?"

I considered telling her "I have octuplets at home" or maybe "I'm a hoarder," but in reality I can't not gush about saving money so I told her about the awesome diaper clearance and got in my car.

And then I watched her from the window as she hesitated on the sidewalk, turned around, and WENT BACK INSIDE. Presumably to get some for herself.

Looks like she decided I'm not such an idiot, after all.

2


Recently I realized that the 'return' key on the computer keyboard is short for "carriage return" and hearkens back to the days of typewriters, when you had to pull the lever at the end of every line.

I felt kind of like my kids when they ask why we say "hang up" the phone and someone has to explain to them, "Wellllllll, it's a reference to something mankind used to do long, long ago..."

3


There are four blemishes on my face by my jaw that I'd just been thinking of as bonus acne for 35-year-olds, but one morning I realized they've been there for a long time. Like, a really long time. Probably a year.

So I did what any reasonable person would do (which is freak out and assume I'm dying of skin cancer, FYI) and made an appointment with a dermatologist.

Good news, the dermatologist didn't think they were cancerous or harmful in any way. She also did an all-over skin check to look for any other anomalies and found a mole on the sole of my foot.

In an embarrassing turn of events for all, she'd already called in her assistant to take pictures before we realized the suspicious-looking mole was actually a piece of crap stuck to my foot from walking around my dirty house.

Womp, womp.

4


My least favorite morning this week was the one where I woke up to a 30-pound person covered in maple syrup scaling the side of my bed saying "hug-a-Mommy."

It was Sunday morning, and the older kids let Phillip and I sleep in while they made everyone pancakes. Then they left the table and the toddler used the syrup a weapon of mass destruction.

First, he dumped out the entire bottle and smeared it all over the table and himself. Then he tracked it all over the house with his feet. He visited every room on the first floor, sat on both couches, and finally did a snow angel on the living room rug before coming in to our room to cuddle.

We had to scrub and mop everything. And any little drop we missed inevitably got tracked through the house by one of the kids and we had to start all over. I thought we were going to have to throw out the dining room table; it was slightly sticky for 4 or 5 days before we finally scrubbed it enough times you couldn't tell Syrupgate had happened here.

Now the kids are forbidden to have pancakes until they're 40, and I'm considering buying a gun safe on Amazon in which to store our maple syrup.

5


Speaking of Amazon, my 14-year-old always complains about the sunlight even when wearing sunglasses, so I decided to look for some extra-dark ones.

I like shopping online, not just because it's convenient and I don't have to wear real pants, but because the customer reviews are always so helpful. For example, there was this one:

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

This guy was gracious enough to include a photo of himself, so if you're curious whether he really is that attractive you can take a look at the original review.

Of course, he's wearing the dark sunglasses in the picture so it's pretty hard to tell.

6


While I was gone doing jury duty on Wednesday, Phillip stayed home and took the 9-year-old to an eye appointment. When I got home, the 4-year-old couldn't stop talking about a book he saw in the waiting room.

It was a book about shipwrecks, complete with pictures of "really dirty ships with holes in them" (his words) at the bottom of the ocean.

"Cool!" I said.

"And there was a guy swimming around and lookin' at them!"

"Wow!" I exclaimed.

"And there was even a AIRPLANE that sanked and it was cracked in half!"

"Woah! That's awesome!" I gushed.

"No," he said, turning suddenly serious. "That's really bad."

I guess, having watched all 6 seasons of Lost, I should have known that.

7


Our trash can really needed to be taken outside and hosed down, but it was a job so revolting I put it on the list of allowance chores and crossed my fingers, hoping one of the kids was broke enough to want to do it so I wouldn't have to.

My oldest daughter took the bait, occasionally pausing to come in and tell me how gross it was.

Thinking back to my days working at Pizza Hut in high school, I shrugged and said, "That's basically what work is: doing disgusting things and getting paid for it."

"I'll be a stay-at-home mom, then."

Oh, sweet, naive child. Being a stay-at-home mom is doing disgusting things and not getting paid for it.

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9 comments:

  1. Your last sentence! Haha!! Too true.

    Your dermatologist story is hysterical. My dermatologist is a friend of my dad’s. One of the last people that needs to see me in my underwear, but alas. I die a little inside every time I go. I

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  2. You are hilarious! I just can’t even imagine the smell of all that syrup.

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  3. Oh man, all that syrup! I'm not sure I would ever be able to look at maple syrup the same way again.

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    1. You would not. I'm going out in our yard tonight to cut down any maple trees for revenge.

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  4. Haha! Glad the trash can got washed at least and no cancer for you :)

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    1. I suppose just going on those two points it was a pretty good week!

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  5. LOL that last line. also LOL at your 4 year old. It's like he knew enough that he knew that being a plane at the bottom of the ocean was bad, but hadn't quite made that connection for boats yet

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